It amazes me how I can obsess over a boy, and then when I see some other guy staring – okay, maybe glancing – at me, it's like an explosion. BOOM, and I fall into this abyss that I never knew was there. Then, I can't help but notice him wherever I go. It's not as if I go out of my way to see him, but he's always in my line of view. Is that mere coincidence, or is there something more to that? I keep sliding my eyes past him, studying him discreetly. And then there's times where I think he's staring at me. Well, until I see the teacher in front of me, and I feel embarrassed.

At the risk of sounding superficial, I want to know how people see me. Am I attractive to them, or am I the weird chick who hangs out with Anna and Maria all the time? Do I sound normal, or do I sound high-pitched, and annoying? Is there a guy out there who likes me, because I am attractive to him?

In the hallways, we brush elbows. Of course, I think my heart accelerates a bit, but that's not true. In science, he sits behind me. I feel his eyes on my back. Is my back attractive?

He's one of those silly cliché emo boys, with the really nice hair and depressed moods. Why do I like him, again? He's practically anorexic; skinnier than I am. He seems to be one of those creative souls, but maybe he's just rebelling against his parents, and not society. Maybe he's just a poser, who feeds off of others opinions and guidelines.

I'm not the kind of girl who talks out in class. I'm shy, and normally quiet. However, I don't stutter nor do I stammer. When I talk, I am understood. But, I don't voice my opinions very often. He does and I agree with them – most of the time.

We've never really talked. Maybe once in ninth grade, only a year ago. But it wasn't much of a conversation, in fact, I hardly remember it. But I didn't like you in ninth grade, too enraptured by the crazed Twilight obsession that had hit me earlier that year. I was too in "love" with a Edward Cullen to notice any boys.

I first began to notice him at the end of second semester, freshman year. My friends and I had made a new tradition of going to Bubble Island after finals – to celebrate a year gone, a tradition that has continued on to senior year. He was there, waiting for his bubble tea, behind the plants. My friend noticed him before I did, noting how it was kind of creepy how he was just standing there. I agreed. He was staring out the window, and it was weird. We just ignored him for the rest of our time there.

And then, I see him everywhere. How is this possible? Am I just keeping my eye out for him, or is it because he's stalking me? Should I be flattered if he is stalking me? Or creeped out?

We do have mutual friends, but I can't imagine myself starting up a conversation with him. What would I talk to him about? No, I wasn't going to talk to him. If he likes me, he can come to me. But what if he's to afraid to take the first step? What if I have to be the one to initiate everything?

I'm probably just blowing things out of proportion. He's cute, and I'm a girl. I sound like a girl with a huge crush. I am a girl with a huge crush. And he has a girlfriend.

What's a girl to do?