survival of everyday life

i once held the belief
that to survive
you must be the best
of the best
of the best.

i'm not so sure anymore.

the best has stepped down.
they had a sick mother
to take care of at home.
the next best is somewhere
in the alleyway,
tracing integrals
on her veins.
the next next best
lost the fight
between her education
and her sanity.

i was supposed to be next in line.

but that pedestal is far too high.
the last girl who was up there
got a nasty concussion
on her way down.

i had friends once.
but i ran so far away
in the other direction
i left them somewhere between
fear, and
a false concept of success.

maybe i shouldn't have left them behind.

maybe i should have treated them better.

but that one kid
who was supposed to be best,
he had me so scared,
i had to turn away.

maybe i'll be back.
maybe i'll return to treat them
how they deserved to be treated.
maybe between then
and now
someone else will be best.