10Your eyes look like you gave up on me.
They used to say, "I'm in love with you." They were full of light and so soft when you looked at me. They smiled more than lips ever could. There was joy in your eyes when you looked at me, my friend. You did love me, once upon a time.
Your eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue I had ever seen. The way you had looked at me- it was like you thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world.
And I loved you… I fell in love for the first and only time with you. I came close to falling that strongly for another only once since then, but I never forgot you.
But, you never did anything with those feelings except bury them inside yourself. And now, eyes that used to show me love have grown cold and empty. The love that was once there has faded.
I'm so sorry if I ever hurt you. I never would have strayed if you had only given me even a ray of hope. Even when I did stray, I always came back. You were always the one I truly loved, even if you never knew it. We would have been amazing together.
I need to move on now, my friend. I can't play these games anymore. When I looked into your eyes today and saw you no longer loved me, I knew I was doing the right thing. I did not fall for anyone else. I simply can not carry the pain any longer. I know I am over you, and I now know that you are over me. There will always probably be traces of feelings for you. One never truly recovers from falling in love as deeply as I fell. I fought the move for a while… but then it occured to me-
Two years and seven months of chances. So many times I tried to get to know you, tried to get you to know me. Anything to move into a real friendship, regardless of whether or not it would turn into a relationship. Did you know how much I loved you? Did you ever wonder why I baked for you (only you, never him) or made you those CD's, invited you to pretty much every event I had? Did you ever wonder why I smiled at you the way I did? Did you ever wonder why I stayed up until two in the morning talking to you those few nights it felt like we were really friends? I suppose you did know… I'm not good at being subtle when it comes to affairs of the heart. But did you have to break me?
I loved you, and you took me for granted. I'm not bitter. I just need to know it's really over. I dreamed about us for two, nearly three years. You… You were my prince charming. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could tell you. But even though I see you once in a while, I may as not exist to you. I see you as you walk right by and I know things will never be what I hoped.
Maybe it's not you who gave up on me… maybe I gave up on you… either way, if we were meant to be, you wouldn't have been so cold towards me every time I saw you. You meant the world to me, but I never really knew where I stood with you, other than I made you smile like you hadn't in years, and you did little things that proved you did have feelings for me. I miss that. I miss who I thought you were. I used to know you pretty well, until you changed. But, maybe you never let me in after all.
I'm so sorry about what happened -or rather, didn't happen- between us. You'll be a great match for someone one day. I truly hope you are happy with her. I hope she's everything you need and makes you laugh, gives you joy, and is always there for you. I hope she's better than you've ever dreamed. I hope she loves you as much and more as I loved you. But most of all, I hope you don't bury your feelings for her. I hope you love her so much, that you just can't hold it inside. I hope you tell her. I hope your eyes light up when ever she walks in the room and you can't help but smile. I hope she's beautiful, and I hope she appreciates everything you are. I hope you have the MOST blessed future. I wish you the very best in life and nothing less.
God bless you.
Goodbye.
x3
A/N: I haven't updated anything in forever and I'm sorry to have this little emotional/personal piece and nothing better. I apologize for not being an avid updater. I published this because this is to the man who had stolen my heart for years and never did anything about it, the same one that the poems in this collection are about. I finally decided I was done waiting for him to make his move and stop stifleing his feelings (they were there... just trust me on that. Many people saw it. But for some reason or another, he never acted on it.) for me. I needed to move on with my life. So, I wrote him a letter. Posting it on here is my way of healing. So forgive me if it didn't meet your expectaions. I just needed to get my feelings out so I could finally move on completely.
In case you were curious... the other guy mentioned is the one that the collection Division is about.
Thanks for being my loyal readers. Much love for you all. God bless :)
xoxox
July