A/N I was supposed to be writing a history essay tonight, but that can wait :) So, here's the first chapter of my new story. Please review so I know if the idea is any good, and I always welcome criticism with open arms. Enjoy, DustEyes xx

"These are all the things Ryan had in his possession before it happened. He wanted to leave everything to you." Mr O'Donnell the solicitor spoke slowly, obviously trying not to upset me. How generous of my brother. He left me everything of his. Mr O'Donnell spoke as if it was some great honour, but I don't see it like that.

My brother was all I had really. Sure we had parents, but I never saw eye-to-eye with them the way Ryan did. So when I wanted to go out to any parties it was always my brother who taxied me about. When I wanted to move out it was Ryan who helped me out on the financial side of things. We were best friends, and then he upped and left only saying, "There's a world outside of Belfast, Maddie. I'm going to go and see it."

He promised he's return after a year, and so I hung on to that. I waited for each letter that came every fortnight telling me of what he saw and where he'd been. Sometimes he made places sound so enchanting and life-changing, but I was never convinced. First it was China, and then came Nepal and India. After that Ryan went to Africa. He saw Egypt and the pyramids, and went all the way down through Africa, right the way to Cape Town. It was there that he started the second half of his journey. He went to South America. He saw the Inca trails and Peru, and finally onto Mexico before going to the states.

It was after that, that the letters became less frequent. He'd been gone two years – much longer than he'd promised me. Then last month I got a call. People don't phone me at two in the morning, so I knew it was something odd before I even picked up. All I heard was ragged breathing. I could hear an awful blurring noise too, so I knew the caller was outside in the wind.

"Maddie?" It had been two years since I'd heard that voice but I still knew it.

"Ryan!" I remember squealing with delight. Thinking he was coming home.

"Maddie," The serious tone that appeared in his voice frightened me, "I've seen it all Maddie, and it's amazing. There are sounds, smells and sights…and it's all amazing." I still remember the shiver up my spine. He sounded so off. I remember thinking that he wasn't going to come home. That he'd fallen in love with the world outside of Belfast. Now, I wish that had been the case, because the last thing I heard down that phone was the sound of it dropping, and then I heard an increasing number of people screaming. "He's jumped!", "Get the police!", "For God's sake, call a bloody ambulance!", "I don't see him." All these frantic voices talking over each other down the phone.

I remember shaking, then I threw up over my shabby carpet in my shabby flat, and after that I passed out.

Ryan had abandoned me in the most permanent way possible. Then today when I went to see the solicitor, Mr O'Donnell talked about Ryan leaving everything to me, as if it was so touching. As if Ryan gave a damn about me…as if anyone did.

All Ryan had was a backpack. Some cash from the countries he'd been to - mainly American dollars – a sleeping bag, and some shabby diary he'd kept of his journey. Oh yes. Ryan cared about me alright.

I'd been told that he had become addicted to drugs, built up some hefty debt with dealers, then jumped off some bridge in Minneapolis. They never found the body, but the police had no doubt that he'd drowned.

The funeral had been painful, and the fact that there was no body to bury made it even worse. It kept dawning on me that my brother was gone and I was alone. I had no energy to function. I got behind on all my bills and I started to smell worse than rotten fish. Then came the anger. The fact that he'd done this to me. That anger had given me some energy and I was able to get things done. I'd always hated anger but this time I was grateful – it blocked out the pain.

I left with Ryan's things after Mr O'Donnell had said his condolences and caught the bus home. As I walked from the bus stop to my flat, I planned to chuck the rucksack, and anything in it in a public bin, but each time I went past one I couldn't do it. Ryan had sold everything he had for his trip, and this was all I had that smelled of him. A torn bag, some foreign currency, a smelly sleeping bag and a water damaged book. As pathetic as the collection sounded, it ended up in my flat with me. It on one side of the room, and I on the other just staring at it, like I was waiting for it to do something. Maybe Ryan had learnt some magic trick, and he'd jump out of the bag, or maybe the bag would talk and give me answers. Or maybe I was just going crazy.

After hours of watching it I walked over and pulled Ryan's things out one by one and lining them up beside me. As I lifted the things out, Ryan's smell would waft from the back and I couldn't help but to inhale.

When I lifted the diary I opened it's messy pages, curious of anything I may have missed in the letters. I just wanted to hear even a detail more of Ryan's travels, just to pretend he was still alive somewhere. Little did I know what I was getting myself into…what Ryan was getting me into.

A/N Okay…Was that good? Bad? Alrightish? Please tell me! This chapter was mainly introducing Madison's feelings and an explanation of what had happened to Ryan. Character descriptions will come in the next chapter.

**Just checking, a T rating is okay for talking about suicide isn't it? The story is never going to talk about that sort of thing in any detail, but if the rating should be higher please let me know**

Review :) DustEyes xx