When I get to hell, it doesn't matter how or when, I know what will happen. I'm certain that I'll know everybody from the likes of David Berkowitz to Allister Crowley. I know a couple of Bible thumpers here and there praise the Lord, and say if your didn't in your soul then you are destined to get yours. So I'll be sure to head for the throne and all alone I'll relieve the devil of his head in his home. While I'm there I'll be looking for Heath Ledger, because I'm going to see if I can get all the shit he left on his dresser. I'll try to start a new resistance and the first act will be to kill fifty of the devil's minions so there will BE no Hell or the total terror, with purely happy people as the Devil was once, sweeter than all my habits. I'm sure all the evil will line up and celebrate my death by drinking cups of my blood, and I will change from skin to skeleton as my arms spread like the wings of demons once again.
I'm going to crucify Hitler while Napoleon watches from the front row and takes pictures. With all the heads rolling I will make the audience jump, you can assure with another demon dead I'll work my way to the top. I'll be swimming in the lake of blue flame and skinny dip in the ponds of blood and stains. Hell is somewhere where everything is everything that many bring, anything that you need from drugs to murder sprees to spread it like a disease. And when I'm there I'll be sure to fuck Marylin Monroe doggy-style in a fire pit with a gun to her dome in a dress like the Seven Year Itch, and I'll pull on the trigger when I'm done. I know I'll discombobulate and shake until my bones break and separate like skin from a snake, but I'll still roll like a sick force to penetrate their skin like the horns from a pitchfork.
But I know they're going to eat my eyes first and run me over with an all black hearse, scrape what's left of me up and shove it in a bucket, and dump it up in the orgies of demons so they can fuck it. They will take the pieces and chunks and sew it all up to push me in the line waiting for the elevator up to vacuum the soul right up out this hole so I can't haunt no one, I won't even be a ghost.
So I'm going to Hell. Who will come with me?