"Fatal Gaze"

I remember it like day I first road my bike. I remember ever waking second of it. Everything about it was my fault. One hundred percent my fault! There's not a night in my life that goes by without me silently sobbing myself to sleep. There's not a night that goes by, without me reliving the tragedy. It always plays out the same way in my head, I watch as I make the fateful mistake. I'm screaming at myself to simply imagine what it would have been like if I had done something differently. I can't though. It's physically impossible for me to change the story in my head. Everything in my being wants it to be different.

I pray to God every night, and I always ask him the same, rued prayer, "Father, Lord almighty, kill me know because you know I am no longer worthy of your earth."… I'm still waiting for him to answer my prayer.

We sat on the sandy shore, cradled in each other's arms. The moon was dazzling that night. It was like a white sugar cookie, gently dipped in the Milky Way.

"Do you think we're the only one out there?" Charity inquired, gazing deep into space.

"I don't know," with further thought I said, "It's awfully hard to think were the only planet there, like this." She leaned her head deeper into my shoulder, still searching the depths of space with her august rush, eyes.

"Well, maybe its like how there's only one of you," Charity explained, turning her attention to me, while I'm still lost in, Orion's belt.

"What you mean?" I asked, still content with the sky.

"You know, like how God, well if there's a God, made each of us to be our own unique selves? There's only one of you, Jonah. So maybe in the same way I'm lucky to have the one and only you as my boy friend, we're lucky to live on the one and only earth."

"Ya, maybe," I arched my neck, and kissed her forehead. "Your amazing,"

"No, your amazing Jonah," she pressed.

"Charity do you know what, Jonah means? Like what my name means?" I asked.

"Um, no? Why?" she giggled at the random question

"Well, way back when, sailors would just generally use my name to personify someone who seems to bring bad luck," I told her

"Oh, well that's not good," I could tell she's a little confused though.

"Ya, Charity, you must have been pretty generous and given me oodles of luck,"

"Oodles?" She mimicked, playfully, "but why do you think I gave you some luck?" She finally asked.

"Because I met you."

"Ya, know you're so sappy?" She teased, trying to hide her blush.

"Yup, it makes you blush," I explained, teasing her back.

"I bet I can make you blush, too." She said, " How hard can that be?"

"Oh I'm thinking pretty ha-," she grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked me forward, into her lips.

"What were you saying?" She asked, after finishing her kiss. "That I couldn't make you blush?" I was speechless, but in a good way, it was just so incredible, I wanted to kiss her back so bad, but I fought off the overwhelming urge. "Ya, I didn't think I could either." She winked at me, then kissed my cheek, "I love you Johan," she whispered in my ear, before taking her place back on my broad shoulder.

We both drifted in and out of sleep, but I managed to keep myself awake. I did this because, I was once told that, when your in love, reality is better than your dreams, and that couldn't have been more true for me. I brushed her, thin, brown hair off her sleeping eyes. She felt my movement in her sleep and nested herself deeper against my neck.

"I love you, too, Charity," I spoke to her resting body.

"I wuv woo, too," she moaned through her sleep. I couldn't help but blush at her cuteness.

We laid there for a while, as she slept swiftly in my arms, but eventually around four in the morning I decided to take her back home.

It was the best night of my life. It really had been, there was nothing I wanted more, than to spend time with Charity. I guess maybe we should have stayed the night on the beach, but me being tired wasn't the reason it happened. No, I almost wish it were though. Maybe then… I don't know. I just can't forgive myself for it.

I had carried her the short distance to the car, (we parked on the beach) and buckled her in. She had woken up when I started the car, but quickly fell back to sleep as the cars' rhythmic humming soothed her back into her state of dreams. I drove back on to the small godforsaken road, heading back into town. My high beams were on, but even then I felt like I was struggling to see out the car.

"No, Mr. Penguin, I don't wanna go sledding," Charity murmured through her subconscious. I turned my head and looked at her. Her hair was in an adorable mess across her face, and she had herself curled up in a ball, leaning sideways towards my arm. She was so beautiful!

"I love you," I whispered, still looking at her. It's weird, but every time I see her asleep, talking to her self; I can't help but smile with amazement. How on earth did I end up with this incredible girl?

Bam! It was like a train had plowed right through us both! A force, seemingly a thousand times that of a bomb had blown up in our faces. As soon as I could even think to grab the wheel, I failed as the air bags deployed in my face. Maybe that helped as another impact rattled our bones, but suddenly it was over.

It had happened all to fast for me to make sense of it, but from what the doctors had told me, I went unconscious. Immediately after I had arisen from my sleep, I asked my family (who had been at the hospital in a matter of hours) where Charity was…. They told me she had died in the car crash.

The next morning I as informed that her family was pressing charges against me. (Her family really hated me) At first I asked, "for what?" but then I stopped and thought to myself. It was my fault she had died. I was to busy admiring her beauty when I should have been driving the car. I hate my self for it. So once the trial started, I got my lawyer to do as little to protect me as possible. I even secretly asked the jury to give me the death penalty. That's how I ended where I am now. Waiting silently, day by day, for my justice to come. For me to finally get what I deserve for killing the girl I loved. So now I sit here on death row, waiting to avenge Charity's death. Maybe now I'll meet her back up in the twilight, somewhere between the stars and the moon.