I used to think it was you.

And me.

Us.

Forever.

I used to think we would always be.

I used to think your smile was the most beautiful

Thing I'd ever seen.

I used to think we would have a family.

I used to think I was really in love..

With you.

I fought off the longings for her,

For me,

For us…

I sacrificed myself

And what could have been,

Though mistake it would have turned out

To be..

For you.

For us.

I died and then I didn't belong

To you,

To me,

To anyone, anymore.

I was free.

I was happy.

I changed my address.I changed my hair.

I changed my style.

I changed everything about me that you

Would recognize.

And one day I realized that changing myself

For me

Was really for you.

To keep you away.

And so I changed myself again.

For me.

And when I was happy

Finally happy

With me,

I changed again.

For her.

Now that I have grown weary of change,

Tired of hiding,

I am finally doing the best thing I have ever done with my life.

I'm getting help.

You never understood,

She cannot help me,

No one really knows.

Not even me.

And as I change for the last time,

I realize that it never really was

For anything.

But now, I have "her,"

Whom I will replace with "you."

And I am finally,

For the first time in my life,

Happy;

Truly happy,

With you.