Name: Wargame

Strong points: small, flexible, fast, played my fair share of video games

Specialty: Melee weapons, not afraid to die

Side note: I like cute things

2 2014

2:37 p.m.

Before today, I'd say playing Left4Dead and other zombie slashing games desensitized me of all humanistic qualities. Ironically, it's the reason why I'm alive.

Before the zombie apocalypse, or "Z-day" as Max Brooks fans would call it, I was a normal adult. The joker in the group, I always made fun of clichés but sometimes found myself in one, I suck at cooking, love to ride roller coasters, I was loud, carefree, and –dare I say it? –preppy. Unlike some lucky people who were already home when the end of human reign hit, I was at school. More specifically in one of my required electives. I sat patiently waiting for the long hand to reach fifteen on the clock so I could finally go home to check my wall on Facebook. To pass the time I sketched myself in a kickass outfit wielding a katana underneath my sprawled notes. My teacher, bless her soul, was going on about her son and how he's a screw-up like his father. And that's when it happened.

Loud banging and snarls rattled behind our classroom door. It was so sudden that half the class got a whiplash from turning their heads too fast. It sounded like the hallway was full of piercing screams of people running for their lives and hungry growls that chased them. The banging intensified. My teacher reached for her bag behind her desk and I was hoping she had a gun or something and that she might valiantly leave the room to clear the path of harm and lead her 23 students to safety. Apparently, I wasn't alone in my thoughts, for the whole class slowly turned her way.

She looked back up after pulling her car keys out and said very bluntly, "If you think I'm going to save you, think again. Once that door caves in, it's every man to himself."

I fished through my backpack for anything useful. Pencils, pens, car keys, house keys, wallet, hand sanitizer, cell phone, mp3, gift card to borders, half a stick of gum, water bottle, and textbook. Everything else I didn't need I threw on my desk then put my backpack on. I took the textbook out only because it made a good head bashing tool. I couldn't believe I was ready to kill someone with Everything You Need to Know about Anatomy and Physiology. As the banging turned to heavy body slamming, the class instinctively backed towards the first story window. Except me …And of course the two other losers in the class that probably play video games like I did. I positioned the textbook over my head, ready to slam someone's head with it, but dropped the book when I heard the windows crack, and then completely shatter. Besides the multiplied snarling groans from the undead behind me, there were echoing shrieks of fifteen or more students being devoured right before my very eyes. I exchanged looks with the two other guys that previously stood against the tide with me. They were in bewilderment like me, not know what to do. My fight or flight reflexes took over. Since I couldn't run away, I had to fight, and for some ungodly reason I wasn't scared.

I popped my headphones into my ears and started playing some music to pump me up and what better song than Zombies Ate My Neighbors. I steadied my dominate hand gripping a pen, and I exhaled. Two or three students looked me over like I was insane but then brilliant and did the same. Studying us, I didn't know whether to pee my pants in fright knowing this is whole zombie thing is real, or be utterly excited that I had a small unclaimed group of people that are ready to fight beside me. Calculating my options, the window was the best way out. I took a big breath in and squeezed the pen in my hand.

As I lunged for a bloodshot-eyed old man zombie, the door on the other side of the room gave in. My teacher screamed the obvious, "those zombies opened the door and are now running toward us." I was preoccupied with stabbing a zombie in the eye. I walked over the zombies, stepping on their faces or backs, and some of the other kids successfully did so two, give or take one or two. More students that weren't as swift were pushed to the floor by the ravenous undead.

I stabbed another zombie through the ear on my way out and wasn't able to get my pen back because my hands were covered in dark red zombie blood. I wiped my hands on my jeans and prayed that the blood wouldn't somehow seep through my skin and turn me into a zombie. I ran like I never ran before all the way to my car. I ran so fast I was half jumping. I easily dodged a group of zombies because I was just so fast. I never knew I could run that fast, it was probably the adrenaline rush.

I scanned the streets while running, figuring out my options. The road was covered in cars like a poorly played game of Tetris. I knew the only safe place at the moment was inside my car. Once I got to it I opened the door and with lightning quick hands took out my keychain. Because I was so fidgety I accidently put the house key in the ignition. I almost had a mini-heart attack thinking my car wouldn't work until I noticed I had the wrong key in. A zombie beat at my window. Half her mouth was missing and her blouse was covered in blood. I finally started the car and put it in reverse. The car behind me was reversing too and he or she almost hit me if I didn't get back into my parking space and let them go first that asshole I hope they died. The infected girl kept beating at my window and even cracked it a bit. I was so mad by then that I almost got out of the car and used my bare hands to kill her. I finally reversed, put the car into drive, and floored it.

Zombie tip of the week: When the impossible happens, like, I don't know, a zombie apocalypse, then simple laws, like driving between the lines, don't apply anymore.