This is probably my favorite of all the things I've written. It's sort of a companion to "Dear Crush,". Fictionpress messed up the editing, so it's not perfect, but the idea is still there. Every time you see a page break, imagine a new paragraph instead. It's meant to be somewhat fragmented, but it's a full story.
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
She liked a boy.
She observed him from a distance, trying to learn all she could.
He scowled—
(She wondered why. She wanted to fix it.)
She watched Him smile, laugh at a joke—
(Her mouth unconsciously turned up at the corners.)
He told a story—
(More than anything, she wanted to be the one he was telling it to.)
She was elated.
She wanted to know more (everything) about him.
She slowly built up her nerve,
until one day she was
(brave)
enough to tell him.
The fairytale ended there.
She had been shy and immature,
pretending
to be coy.
He wasn't interested.
She wanted to cry.
(She did.)
She wanted to hide.
She wanted to forget.
She wanted to stop loving
liking
whatever
it
was.
She couldn't.
She had to pretend
That she wasn't
heartbroken
staring
(when he caught her
eye)
And she waited
for it to end.
for him to be bad at something.
for her mind to be able to focus on
any
thing
else
but
Him.
But she was going nowhere.
(And neither was the fact that she thought she loved Him.)
She tried to convince herself
that he was
an asshole.
wasn't worth it.
But then… time passed.
Enough time that, to the unknowing eye, she could be over him.
(to any eye, she should have been.)
Maybe he thought she was.
Whatever the reason,
he slowly stopped avoiding her as much,
he was nice.
He hugged her.
He smiled when they passed each other.
She felt impossible.
She was a bomb.
She didn't recognize herself.
She wanted to kiss Him.
She wanted to punch him.
She wanted to scream at him.
She wanted Him to hold her
forever.
She wanted him to disappear.
(he didn't)
In her dreams, she wanted Him to be everywhere she went.
(he was)
And it was awful
confusion
chaos
She hated that she was so
weak
broken
tormented
Masochistic
She thought it out rationally.
he wasn't very pretty.
he wasn't very nice.
(Why did she like him so much?)
(was it even real?)
(Was it even real?)
It worked.
For a day.
And then she saw Him again.
And rationality didn't matter.
Because, to her, he was beautiful.
To her, he was perfect.
And it
(fucking)
sucked.
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