I don't want to live like this:

feeling nothing, doesn't matter,

am I even breathing?

Break through layers of skin

and bone, to get to what matters:

I have to feel my heart beating.

I could put on my shield and a helmet of steel,

fight through monsters of self-doubt and fear

and maybe affect change.

But the truth is, I'm so tired of trying and failing

and smiling; Pretense has the weight of the world

but reality doesn't exist.

I would give the world for someone

to explain; 'do this, do that, and it means this and that',

if only to know that I should keep going.

Of course, it can't be that simple;

Purpose is forged in the heat of passion and hope.

Begs the question, is there a purpose to surrender?

I wonder if giving up could mean the strength to go on.