"Hey, uh… I was just wondering… Would you mind terribly if I raped you?" Okay, so before you run away, rape whistles a-screeching, hear me out. It isn't what it sounds like.
"Um… No."
"Aww… Please?"
"No! Gosh, go away, creeper."
"Pretty please? With sugar on top, and a cherry?"
By now, June and I were having a hard time to keep our faces straight as we talked.
"Dude, I said no! Go find someone else to badger!"
"How about whipped cream? You look like a whipped cream kind of girl. And sprinkles?"
"No! I'm lactose in tolerant! And besides, it isn't rape if I'm willing!"
"Aww…"
"Geez…"
"Hey, wait!"
"What is it now, creepily polite rapist dude?"
"Do you, uh, happen to have any sisters, or cousins or something who wouldn't mind if I raped them?"
"No! For the last time, go away before I curse you into oblivion!"
"Geez… This is what I get for trying to be polite…"
We couldn't help ourselves. We cracked up.
"Polite—Rapist—" I gasped through tears of laughter, clutching my sides.
"Lactose—Intolerant—" June rocked back and forth on her chair, teetering on the edge.
"Sprinkles!" We shouted together, hooting and crying, obviously making a scene. June finally fell all the way out of her chair, which made us crack up even more. Eventually, our laughter trickled into chuckling, and the last of our tears were wiped away as we caught our breath.
"Wow…" I said, sighing.
"I know, right? You, my dear Bits, are a comedic genius." She praised me as she leaned her head onto her arm, which was resting on the edge of the table.
"The polite rapist thing was your idea, though, June."
"Yeah, but it was your idea to do the improv thing in the first place. If you hadn't decided to be so bored right then, we never would have gotten washboard abs from laughing." She poked at her stomach, which was not gelatinous, but not anywhere close to washboard or abs. "Well, we'll get there eventually."
I rolled my eyes and slung my arm over her shoulder, even though I knew that human contact freaked her out. "We're a bloody right pair, aren't we, June, my dear?" She grinned and adopted her crazily good Cockney accent.
"Tha' we are, friend. Tha' we are."