Some days I wonder when it will stop,
This constant circle of ups and downs,
Often feeling like this is a new start,
things will get better, things will look up.
Until I slip again.
For whatever cause,
I fall and ask myself what's the point.
Hope gets me crushed.
Love leaves me alone to cry.
Friends slip away.
And I can never keep my life from falling apart.
I no longer self harm,
I don't drink,
I don't do drugs,
I don't steal,
I don't come home late
…But I don't see how any of that matters,
I don't feel alive long enough to care.
There are some harsh truths about one's life,
One day we have to confront and accept.
I don't have more than five friends,
and they all live over an hour away from me.
I don't believe I will ever love boy who equally loves me back.
I have a tendency to be lazy and make excuses.
Some days I wish the music in my heart would stop playing,
so I can lay down peacefully and sleep.
With all my heart though,
I hate how I never feel alive enough on my own.