Samuel McLennan

TITLE

Sign of the Apocalypse

GENRE

Comedy

CAST

TRENT BELMONT

HALIUS

AGENT CIRCLE
AGENT TITRANSON

AGENT APPLE

AGENT ORANGE

AGENT PINECONE
AGENT DOOM

AGENT MELON
AGENT VOICE

VOICE

BOY

GIRL

JOSEPH

EVERYONE ELSE

INT. SECRET GOVERNMENT BASE

A senior high ranking member of the Secret Service, with many badges and experience, aged but toned and solid, walks in a hallway of corporate design, with a couple of lower generic Secret Service agents beside him.

Inside a government meeting room reminiscent of something you would find in a U.S. political board session, many men and women of different branches of agencies are behaving in elementary classroom behavior.

As the superior continues to walk along the hallway and closer to his destination, the other agents in the meeting room are making and throwing paper airplanes, passing notes to each other, engaging in impatient chatter, beating each other up, flirting with each other, and asking how many licks it takes for a Tootsie Pop. Finally, the superior enters the room, silencing everyone as he moves toward the podium for about a couple seconds before reverting to their childish game. The superior, in frustration, pounds the desk with an iron fist, silencing everyone immediately. The superior glares at everyone in authority.

AGENT TITRANSON

There was a spider on my desk.

Still there was silence. Only AGENT ORANGE manages to slowly break it.

AGENT ORANGE

…So…you don't like spiders?

AGENT TITRANSON focuses his glare on AGENT ORANGE.

AGENT TITRANSON

No… (Clears throat) ATTENTION! As you may know from the reports of Agent Doom from the Armageddon Agency, they have spotted a demonic portal in the town of…what was it again Doom?

AGENT DOOM springs off the chair and salutes.

AGENT DOOM

Hell, Michigan, sir!

AGENT TITRANSON

Ah, thank you.

AGENT DOOM

You're welcome, sir!

AGENT TITRANSON

You may sit down.

AGENT DOOM

Sitting down, sir!

AGENT DOOM sits down.

AGENT TITRANSON

The Armageddon Agency has reason to believe that these demons have invaded Hell, Michigan, and are a force to be dealt with. They request tha-

AGENT APPLE

Oh come on! How do we know that the AA isn't playing another prank on us?! You honestly take these guys seriously?!

AGENT PINECONE

Yeah! These guys haven't come up with anything since the Reagan Administration! This is probably just another false alarm!

AGENT TITRANSON

Normally, I'd agree. But this time the AA has presented some hard evidence.

A gigantic screen lowers from the ceiling. Everyone except AGENT TITRANSON grabs popcorn, candy, drinks, and Smartphones.

AGENT VOICE

HEY! NO PHONES DURING BRIEFING!

The other agents pout and turn off their phones and promptly throw them away in the Smartphone bin. The screen plays a familiar recent movie.

EXT. SCHOOL – DAY (WITH COMMENTARY AND REACTION FROM AUDIENCE)

A blank faced teenage girl with bland clothing leaves the school, with a pale teenage pretty boy with hip teen clothes staring at her and following her as she leaves toward a forest.

MONTAGE

The girl eventually stops in the middle of the forest with the boy still following her.

GIRL

You're impossibly fast…and strong. Your skin is…pale white and ice cold. Your eyes change color…and sometimes you speak…like, you're from a different time. You never even drink anything…you don't go out in sunlight… (Light breaths) How old are you?

BOY

17.

GIRL

How long you've been 17?

BOY

…A while.

The girl exhales a series of small breaths.

GIRL

I know what you are.

A small gasping noise emerges from the agent audience.

BOY

Say it…..out loud….. (Louder) say it.

GIRL

Vampire.

Dramatic loud gasps from the audience.

AGENT PINECONE

Aw…such a dreamy vampire…

AGENT MELON

Don't worry…we love you!

AGENT VOICE

WHOA. SORRY EVERYONE, WRONG FILM.

Everyone whines while the screen switches to the exact events that took place in Hell, MI, which look like a black and white 50s horror movie.

INT. BAR – NIGHT (WITH COMMENTARY)

It is a typical night at the bar. Drinking, partying, shooting, killing, and exploding. Except all that is heard is the music. A group of people are talking, except nothing is heard, and not because of the country music.

AGENT ORANGE

Why aren't they saying anything?!

AGENT APPLE: It's black and white?!

Eventually, the lights become unusually dark, even though the bar is brightly lit. A group of leisure drinkers talk about investigating. They grab their guns and step outside of the bar.

EXT. BAR – NIGHT (COMMENTARY)

The group, with their flashlights, search the area. They eventually walk near the woods, about a half-mile away from the bar, as the area gets darker and minor earthquakes start to form.

AGENT PINECONE

Isn't this The Omen?

AGENT ORANGE

Naw, it's Paranormal Activity.

AGENT APPLE

You're both wrong, it's The Exorcist.

They come across the source, which is a flashing dark gray portal. Out from the darkness materialize an assortment of goblin-like demons, complete with horns, spikes, fangs, stone-like skin, tribal clothing, bone and skull armor, swords, axes, and shields. The group attempts to shoot the demons, but the demons block the bullets with their shields, and screech a battle cry of some sort. The group runs away in terror back to the bar.

The group storm into the bar and try to warn everyone about the danger. The others just look like they're laughing and continue their routine. The doors open and a silhouette of demonic figures approach. Everyone looks at the source of shadow in delaying fright and screaming. The demons then strike at supernatural speeds, killing and even decapitating some humans. At the carnage's peak, the screen freezes for a couple moments. Then the screen plays backwards, returning disembodied heads and shed blood to their victims, and people running and walking backwards, until eventually the screen breaks up, short-circuits, and is ruined beyond repair, ending the clip.

INT. SECRET GOVERNMENT BASE

AGENT TITRANSON

Okay, now that that's over, let's propose a strategy.

AGENT MELON

I know what we can do! Yeah! We can…uh…get one of those priests to do it. They

know how to deal with demons, I think.

AGENT TITRANSON heaves a sigh of disappointment.

AGENT TITRANSON

No, they don't actually. The only priests that actually do anything are Catholic priests, and they only do exorcisms.

AGENT MELON

Is that good?

AGENT TITRANSON

No, that's bad…no priest has had anything regarding demons…

AGENT MELON

Well I didn't know that! I'm not religious! Geez!

AGENT TITRANSON

Anyone else?

AGENT APPLE

Have you informed anyone else besides us yet? Our military can take care of them.

AGENT TITRANSON

We don't have time for that! Besides, it's hard sending soldiers to unfamiliar ground. We don't know what we're dealing with.

AGENT APPLE

But it's just a bunch of demons! Why can't we just let our forces take care of them? What's the deal?

AGENT TITRANSON snaps.

AGENT TITRANSON

Don't you know anything?! We need to keep this as top secret as possible! We can't afford to let the demons slip by, but we need to sweep them under the rug too! You know what happens when others find out about this? When all the years of telling 'em it wouldn't happen, and it happens?!

AGENT APPLE shakes his head nervously.

AGENT TITRANSON

Chaos! Mutiny! They'll stop trusting us! And we'll have an even worse situation on our hands! Is that what you want, Apple?!

AGENT APPLE

But…people don't trust us alre-

AGENT TITRANSON

ENOUGH!

Everyone becomes silent.

AGENT TITRANSON

Okay…is there any OTHER plan of action?

AGENT DOOM

Well…how about we look for a professional demon slayer to slay all the demons? It's worth a shot.

AGENT APPLE

But who would be crazy enough to slay demons these days?

AGENT DOOM

Try a Google search. Google has everything! Even petitions to have Mickey Mouse become president!

AGENT TITRANSON

Remind me to call the president and tell him never to go to Disneyland again…okay, show me this "Google".

A couple agents burst through the door almost immediately carrying a black briefcase to AGENT TITRANSON. The agents proceed to open it and a laptop is revealed to be inside. The agents turn the laptop on an go through all the usual processes to wait and get into Google. AGENT TITRANSON stares at the laptop in confusion. AGENT TITRANSON then looks at the agents.

AGENT TITRANSON

Can I…use it now?

The agents nod and AGENT TITRANSON begins typing "Professional Demon Slayers". AGENT TITRANSON struggles to go through the list and websites, but eventually finds an address.

AGENT TITRANSON

Excellent. I've found somebody. He goes by the name of…Trent Belmont? From the United Kingdom…alright. Good. Send an agent to Trent Belmont immediately. And remind me to give Google a raise. I draw this meeting to a close.

Everybody starts to leave.

EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. – DAY

AGENT CIRCLE, a youthful man in his 20s and a suit, exits a warp titled SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE in an alley, scaring gangsters, drug dealers, and hookers. AGENT CIRCLE doesn't notice, and continues to the streets, hails a Taxi, and steps inside.

AGENT CIRCLE

To the airport.

The taxi driver nods and drives to the nearest airport.

MONTAGE

Paying the man, AGENT CIRCLE steps out of the Taxi and heads inside the Airport, where he is greeted by an extremely long line in the scanner booth. As the line moves at an extremely slow pace, AGENT CIRCLE notices that in front of him is an man in business attire with an Islamic hat and skin. The man is patiently waiting in line with a briefcase, but AGENT CIRCLE shows a mixture of awe and suspicion. He pokes the man on the shoulder, with the man in return turning to him in confusion.

AGENT CIRCLE

I'm…sorry to bother you uh…sir, but if you don't mind me asking…where you headed with that briefcase?

JOSEPH

Oh, this? (Raises briefcase) I'm heading to the U.K. Why? Where you headed?

AGENT CIRCLE

Oh, no reason… (Obviously surprised) I'm headed to the U.K. too.

JOSEPH

Really? Huh. Small world, I guess.

AGENT CIRCLE

Yeah…

JOSEPH takes out his hand in handshake gesture.

JOSEPH

Joseph.

AGENT CIRCLE

Oh! (Hesitates to shake hand) Circle.

JOSEPH gives AGENT CIRCLE an odd look as he turns back to the line.

It is eventually Joseph's turn to go through the scanner. AGENT CIRCLE is anticipating what will happen.

SECURITY

You're free to pass through, sir.

AGENT CIRCLE figuratively drops his jaw as JOSEPH passes through on his way to the U.K. It is Circle's turn to go through the scanner. The security notices through the scan that AGENT CIRCLE is carrying loads of weapons. AGENT CIRCLE runs out of the airport along with a mob of security guards pulling out their guns and opening fire. AGENT CIRCLE again gets inside a taxi, with the exact same driver in it. The driver notices the amount of security in pursuit and exits the airport in full speed. As they drive down the highway, they notice a squad of police vehicles following them at full throttle. A car chase ensues reminiscent of action movie quality, where eventually the police, combined with the S.W.A.T. team and National Guard, corner the Taxi, and AGENT CIRCLE and the driver are forced to surrender. As they exit, the driver gestures to AGENT CIRCLE in saying that it's his fault.

INT. PRISON SHIP

AGENT CIRCLE and the taxi driver are in orange jumpsuits and sitting in boredom. AGENT CIRCLE is fiddling with dust particles, dirt, and bones while the taxi driver plays a game on his Smartphone. Thunder and lightning noises are in the background, and as time passes, the ship makes a crashing noise, and a hole appears in the cell. AGENT CIRCLE crawls out of the wreckage, makes a run for it while taking off his orange jumpsuit revealing his agent suit within.

INT. TRENT BELMONT'S OFFICE

A voice is heard from the wooden cabin office, with sacred trinkets, a holy sword and other holy weapons, holy water, and gothic looking angel statues with multiple wings and halos on their backs/foreheads. The voice is revealed to be Trent Belmont, a warrior faced soldier in a white tunic, a scarlet shirt underneath, and a pair of yellow pants, complete with an eyepatch, long flowing black hair, and a small beard, on a Smartphone.

TRENT BELMONT

So then, are we still good for next Saturday, lass?

VOICE

Yes, but it would have to be at six o'clock. I still have family visiting, you know.

TRENT BELMONT

Alright. I have to see what jobs I have to do around here, but I'll be sure to make it a date.

VOICE

Are you sure? You never seem to go around okay with your job and all…

TRENT BELMONT

Not to worry. I've personally made sure that no demons are to disturb our special night, just for you, girlie.

VOICE

I'm not worried about that! I mean, you...make sure to be on time, okay?

TRENT BELMONT

Of course. I always make an effort to see your sweet face.

VOICE

I know...

AGENT CIRCLE bursts through the door, drenched in rain, filthy, and suffering from exhaustion, just barely holding on to the door. TRENT BELMONT takes notice, but immediately reverts to the conversation.

TRENT BELMONT

It's no trouble. I'll see to it that I show…what do you say to this thing now?

VOICE

Goodbye.

TRENT BELMONT

Oh, right. Goodbye.

TRENT BELMONT puts the Smartphone down and his focus completely shifts to AGENT CIRCLE, who is still catching for breath at this point.

TRENT BELMONT

Very sorry sir, but there's no restroom here. You'll have to find somewhere else-

TRENT BELMONT stops as AGENT CIRCLE gestures to hold on until he is fit to speak. A half a minute, and AGENT CIRCLE is able to talk.

AGENT CIRCLE

Are you Trent Belmont of this shop here?

TRENT BELMONT

Yes...and who are you? You're an American, right?

AGENT CIRCLE

I am. I believe that you hunt down demons, right?

TRENT BELMONT

Right…listen. I'm afraid I don't handle foreign jobs. Too expensive.

AGENT CIRCLE

Wait! Hear me out. You are the only demon hunter we know. And as we speak, demons are invading an area of our country. We need someone like you to-

TRENT BELMONT

Did you not listen? I said I don't take foreign money! Surely you can find an American demon hunter that better needs your Washingtons.

AGENT CIRCLE

There isn't time! Just take the money and go!

TRENT BELMONT heaves a hefty sigh, and gestures AGENT CIRCLE to the door. AGENT CIRCLE looks at the door, then back at TRENT BELMONT, who stares at AGENT CIRCLE in annoyance. AGENT CIRCLE refuses to walk out, and TRENT BELMONT stands from his chair and is about to personally escort him out when he hears a voice.

HALIUS

Belmont! Do not refuse the man!

TRENT BELMONT, hearing his angel contractor, answers telepathically.

TRENT BELMONT

Halius! What brings you to speak with me? I can handle this situation!

HALIUS

You must handle the situation with arms, Belmont. You cannot hold a proposal for judgment in vain!

TRENT BELMONT

Still, the U.S. is a bit far. How am I supposed to know what I'm working with?

HALIUS

Do you know what the Divine Pact, Unit seventeen, Chapter twelve, Article two hundred, verse three says Belmont?

TRENT BELMONT

Yes… "May the warrior step forward against incomparable odds. Slaughter all opposing evil that dwell in the land, including the ones that gamble. And not just in pieces either, in shreds, too. But not too messy, cleanliness is next to serving godliness. But be brave, humble, and considerate of others, even those that hate. Be the warrior's code. In due time, all will be known, and thou shalt prevail."

HALIUS

Yes, and this is a call for your services. You must not let the demons take victory, one nor many. And, this will certainly win the U.S. in our favor. Even now the agent promises reward. Take this offer in faith, Belmont.

TRENT BELMONT

Alright. Sure.

TRENT BELMONT looks to AGENT CIRCLE, who is in confusion over what's going on. TRENT BELMONT walks further towards AGENT CIRCLE, and stops to glare with intent.

TRENT BELMONT

You got yourself a slayer, boy.

TRENT BELMONT does a blessing gesture on himself, and the area around him changes to a space environment, with a white and gold sun behind him. He stretches his fists out to the side, and envelopes himself in holy light. His clothing slowly disappears and is gradually replaced with thick plated shoulder, body, leg, and wrist armor, with topaz crystals on the middle of the body, legs and wrists, yellow chain mail, black fingerless gloves, scarlet pants, and black boots. Finally, TRENT BELMONT lifts his arms and crosses them, and a longsword and a large white shield with a topaz gem in the middle appear. He swipes the sword and does a fighting pose, taking him out of outer space and into his office, where AGENT CIRCLE is again standing in shock.

AGENT CIRCLE

But…your stuff was over there.

AGENT CIRCLE points to where the gear disappeared, but TRENT BELMONT simply walks out, patting AGENT CIRCLE on the shoulder as he does.

INT. ARMAGEDDON AGENCY BASE

TRENT BELMONT walks with AGENT DOOM in a hallway of the ARMAGEDDON AGENCY, which is filled with steel walls and flooring, and highly advanced modern technology.

AGENT DOOM

So, Belmont sir, let me be the first to welcome you to our own base endorsed by good ol' US of A. The name's Doom, Agent Doom, and I'll be your guide through this great facility.

TRENT BELMONT grunts in disinterest. AGENT DOOM takes him to the navigation room, filled with rows of computers with people typing on them, and a digital radar of the United States.

AGENT DOOM

Here we not only gather intelligence and data throughout the States, but we also map and locate areas that need our forces. I would introduce you to some of the good people working here, except that they are working extra hard today.

TRENT BELMONT looks at the people working at the computers with amusement.

TRENT BELMONT

They don't seem to be working too hard, all they really do is sit there and stare at a screen.

AGENT DOOM laughs.

I can tell you that they really ARE working, they just…uh, work differently. With their brains.

TRENT BELMONT

Ah. I suppose that's alright then. The computer doesn't do ALL the work.

AGENT DOOM

Good, you know what I'm talking about.

AGENT DOOM smiles and pats TRENT BELMONT'S shoulder. TRENT BELMONT has an annoyed expression on his face.

AGENT DOOM

Well, let's continue.

TRENT BELMONT follows AGENT DOOM down to a sealed steel door.

AGENT DOOM

This is the Lab. We conduct research and scientific experiments here. What makes a demon tick, how to kill them, all that good stuff. I'd show you this room, but…it's kinda…complicated.

AGENT DOOM smiles. Suddenly the door explodes open, stunning both TRENT BELMONT and AGENT DOOM. TRENT BELMONT looks beyond the opening, and sees scientists playing Doom on the computers and being confused as how to use the real weapons based on the video game. TRENT BELMONT looks at AGENT DOOM suspiciously.

AGENT DOOM

M-Moving on…

AGENT DOOM and TRENT BELMONT continue on to the control area of the combat simulation room. The directing area is similar to a media control room, while the simulation room itself is a computer generated environment.

AGENT DOOM

Here is where we train our fine soldiers to where we can combat the demonic forces. We have many levels of difficulty here for many levels of our agents, and we can generate thousands of environments to add on to the experience-

TRENT BELMONT

Is this also based on Doom?

TRENT BELMONT laughs, and AGENT DOOM gets slightly angry at this joke.

AGENT DOOM

I-It's no game! It's a virtual reality combat environment that copies the real deal, and gives us an edge over our enemies.

TRENT BELMONT looks through the glass, and sees soldiers using Doom weapons to combat legions of monsters from Doom. TRENT BELMONT is unimpressed, looks at AGENT DOOM and scoffs at him.

TRENT BELMONT

Seriously, you think you can combat demons with THOSE?

AGENT DOOM

Of course we can! Doom is the closest thing to battling demons we have! Besides, it's an awesome game!

TRENT BELMONT

Have you actually BATTLED a demon? Real demons are harder than these rubbish fantasies you have here.

AGENT DOOM is trying to restrain himself from bursting in rage.

AGENT DOOM

Oh really? And I'm sure your little sword and shield's going to defeat all these demons, huh?

TRENT BELMONT

Well, I can certainly do better than what you've shown thus far!

AGENT DOOM is about to figuratively explode, but he suddenly gets an idea. He starts to calm down after this.

AGENT DOOM

Okay, then. If you're so sure of yourself, why don't YOU get inside there and show us what you've got!

TRENT BELMONT

Alright. Deal.

AGENT DOOM

OKAY! SET THE DIFFICULTY LEVEL TO MAXIMUM. SET THE STAGE TO MARS BASE.

While the others in the room are setting up, AGENT DOOM urges TRENT BELMONT to enter the simulation area. TRENT BELMONT nods and enters.

AGENT DOOM

IS EVERYONE READY?

EVERYONE ELSE

YESSIR!

AGENT DOOM

EVERYTHING COMES ON AT FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE…

The environment appears before TRENT BELMONT as a dark, ruined spacestation-like facility with downed wires, steel floors, walls and ceilings, and a red light about the area. TRENT BELONT slowly walks around the hallways ready for any attack, and eventually finds a wide, ruined area. TRENT Belmont searches the area for any demonic presence, both physically and mentally. At the first sign of danger, TRENT BELMONT grins and holds the hilt of his sword, which glows with light while an assortment of zombies, hellhounds, skeleton-like soldiers, and other monsters found in DOOM, including a demonic bull with a large gun attached to its arm, and exposed flesh. TRENT BELMONT starts to dance tango style.

TRENT BELMONT

First I whip it out! (Draws blade) Then I thrust it! (Stabs incoming zombie in the head) With great force! (Slices through other approaching zombies) Every angle… (Dodges gunshots and slices through some skeleton soldiers at supernatural speeds) It penetrates! (Stabs through more skeleton soldiers at amazing speed) Until… (Slices through hellhounds) With great strength…! (Slices through more hellhounds and every other demon except the bull) I ram it in! (dodges bull demon shots, charges blade, and stabs the bull in the stomach)

TRENT BELMONT then takes the blade out, does a backflip, and lands with a rose in his mouth.

TRENT BELMONT

In the end… (Claps, charging the blade again with light) We are all satisfied… (Throws the rose at the bull demon and then slams the sword into the ground, creating a blast of light toward the bull) And you are set free…! (The blast hits the rose and the demon, killing the demon with rose petals flying everywhere)

Everyone outside the simulation is appalled at what just happened, and for a few seconds are speechless.

AGENT DOOM

ALRIGHT…SHUT IT DOWN.

TRENT BELMONT watches as the virtual reality disappears into open space. TRENT BELMONT returns to the control room and notices everyone staring at him.

TRENT BELMONT

Yes? That is what I do on regular hours.

Everyone's jaw figuratively drops.

TRENT BELMONT

So, what's the strategy to driving back the demons in Hell, Michigan?

AGENT DOOM

Well, uh…we were just gonna send you and our forces down to kill all the demons. With stuff like that, I have faith that you will do just fine.

TRENT BELMONT

Are you mad?! The demons surely have increased their numbers by now! Wouldn't you want to get government help on this?

AGENT DOOM heaves a heavy sigh.

It's…complicated.

TRENT BELMONT glares at AGENT DOOM.

AGENT DOOM

Sorry, I don't know what to tell ya.

AGENT DOOM shrugs.

TRENT BELMONT

I knew this job was shit.

TRENT BELMONT looks like he's going to abandon the mission at this point. TRENT BELMONT focuses his mind and contacts HALIUS.

HALIUS

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY RECRUITING?! Oh…you.

TRENT BELMONT

My apologies Halius, but I-

HALIUS

But what? Did you slay all the demons, boy?

TRENT BELMONT

No, but I-

HALIUS

Then why do you contact me? I have other matters to attend to. Commanding Demon Slayers need not be wasted on you.

TRENT BELMONT

The job's worse than I thought! These gits don't know how to slay a demon to save their arses!

HALIUS

Then you shall teach them, Belmont. Better to convert more people to our cause than to leave demons unattended. You know what you must do.

TRENT BELMONT

But this may turn into the Russia incident, which I'm not going to experience again.

HALIUS

And you won't, Belmont. Faith is your guide. You have my blessing. The Russian incident happened because faith lost, and that will not happen again. Now, go Belmont! I have more instructing to do!

TRENT BELMONT goes back to AGENT DOOM.

TRENT BELMONT

When do we move out?

AGENT DOOM

Tomorrow.

TRENT BELMONT reaches out his hand for a handshake.

TRENT BELMONT

I believe this is the form of agreement.

AGENT DOOM looks at the hand. He looks back at TRENT BELMONT and shakes his hand.

32