A large metropolis appears.
Narrator: Allow me to introduce myself; I am the narrator of this...show. It is my duty as a narrator to guide you through the events that unfold.
The metropolis turns into the streets of the town. Shops, townsfolk, all that city stuff.
Narrator: Throughout this epic tale you'll find action, adventure, aardvarks, and action again! For this is the story of a man who goes by the name Superguy Ben, the most heroic of all heroes. Join him on his quest as he faces perils, hardships, and parking tickets! Follow me, dear viewer, as we dwell in the epic show of epic proportions of epic awesomeness!
The town transforms into suburban countryside. Houses, more people, open roads, and great big fields.
Narrator: This has it all! Good guys, bad guys, explosions, romance, and more explosions! It will be the greatest, most notorious show you'll ever see! You'll marvel at the pure greatness of this show, and…uh, um, eh, em, crap. I don't know what else to egg you on with. Um…let's go with the epic proportions again…uh, and the pure awesomeness…ugh. Why did I sign up for this job? Why couldn't I narrate a much better show? The writer doesn't pay me much to do this…in fact, I'm not sure he's paying me at all!
Fields and forests are seen through the vast countryside.
NARRATOR: OH, THE SHAME OF IT ALL, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! MY LIFE IS A LIE! THIS WHOLE SHOW IS FILLED WITH LIES! THIS ISN'T A SHOW; THEY JUST WANT TO SELL YOU INSURANCE!
Sounds of the narrator running out the door can be heard, along with screaming and weeping. Another person can be heard walking in.
Director: Greetings, I am the Director, my apologies for the inconvenience. This is not a sham, and the story will start now.
Right in the middle of Disneyland stands the S organization's headquarters, which looks like an average sinister business building, with a neon sign with the letter S on it.
In the arena-like meeting room, standing on the podium, is none other than Superguy Ben's arch-nemesis, Samuel McLe 23,458. He has that athletic looking build on his body and head, with shoulder-length purple hair. He has purple eyes, sports a purple shirt with black pants, a white cape, white shoes, and a white belt with a white letter S on it. Samuel begins to speak to his impatient audience, consisting of his white jumpsuit wearing, black cloak donning grunts.
Samuel McLe 23,458: We have gathered here today, to achieve my-er, I mean, our, destiny…to conquer Earth!
Applause ensues almost immediately from his excitable audience.
Samuel McLe 23,458: We have all that is needed, all we have to do is create our war strategy, and decimate my archnemesis…Superguy Ben!
More cheers and applause come around from the audience.
Samuel McLe 23,458: And now, for my master plan. I shall create a corrupt corporate company that will steal the entire world's financial supply, eventually engulfing all with our department presence!
A random S Grunt raises his hand.
S Grunt: But sir! Someone already came up with that idea! Wal-Mart, in fact!
Samuel McLe 23,458: WHAT?! They stole my idea! They shall be eliminated at once!
S Grunt: But I work there part-time!
Samuel McLe 23,458: THAT IS TREASON. Take him away!
Samuel orders the guards to take the traitor to the prison room of the building. Although the traitor screams and fights the security, they are successful in capturing the treasonous grunt.
Samuel McLe 23,458: *Slightly depressed* Unfortunately, this means I will have to come up with another plan. I would prefer to stay and explain my new master plan, but I have to think it thoroughly…until then, I shall be shopping for groceries. See you next meeting!
It is then and there that Samuel cackles maniacally, drawing the meeting to a close. All the S grunts went on with their daily tasks, while Samuel himself walks out of the meeting room and is one step closer to the evils of grocery shopping.
Superguy Ben is in his office, deep in thought. He is a burly and muscular man, with a solid looking complexion of a head and face, just like your average superhero. He wears lime green and regular green tights, with a red shirt collar and tie pattern on his chest, with a red cape. He has red eyes and spiky red hair.
Superguy Ben: I have to find a way to be rich quick, and at the same time scam the customers…I got it! A free flat tire from the junkyard with every purchase! No, too expensive. A rubber chicken? Nah, too dangerous. Dangit, I just can't think today!
Suddenly the door opened, and in walks the assistant manager, carefully closing the door behind him.
Superguy Ben: WHAT?!" What do you want?! Can't you see I'm doing something important here?!
Assistant Manager: I figured that sir, but I have good news! Our profits are now higher than ever!
Superguy Ben: *Sarcastic* Well that's just great! But you had to interrupt my THINKING! See, I had this great idea for a scam, and now you had to RUIN it! Thanks a lot, buddy!
Assistant Manager: Uh…you're welcome sir?
Superguy Ben: Now, move along now. I've got a store to run.
Assistant Manager: But don't you want to devise your scam?
Superguy Ben: Scam? SCREW THAT. I want to store my biggest profit yet! To the bank!
Assistant Manager: *Complains* But what about me? It's only fair to pay me and the rest of the employees once in awhile!
But before the assistant manager even finishes that sentence, Superguy already runs out of his office, out of the Supermarket, and towards destiny, the Bank of America.
Inside the underground garage room of the foul S headquarters, which looks almost like an auto body shop, complete with auto tools and automobiles, Samuel turns the key in the slot and starts the ignition of one such vehicle, which so happens to be his most vile creation yet. The S Mobile is your average sinister looking car, black with purple stripes and a white S symbol at the front. The car itself roars furiously, much to Samuel's liking.
Samuel McLe 23,458: It's…it's alive! IT'S ALIVE! *Laughs maniacally*
The excitement would soon come to an abrupt end, however, when an S Grunt enters the room, with a confused look on his face.
S Grunt: Um…sir? You've been turning the car on and off, laughing for two hours now. Don't you think it's time to leave?
This evilly jars Samuel back to reality; he then glares at the S Grunt.
Samuel McLe 23,458: YOU! You're the traitor that I fired from the meeting! Why are you still here?! Guards! Get this treasonous grunt out of my sight!
The security around the room proceed to capture the traitorous grunt, but to no avail. The S grunt, seeing his opportunity, avoids the guards and runs out of the area, attempting to escape. The security is in awe that someone was smart enough to avoid them, but then chase him.
Samuel, slightly disappointed that he couldn't stay and see his monstrous creation come to life again, enters the vehicle and drives off and exits the garage room.
The S Mobile races along a pathway towards an exit leading outside Disneyland on the other side of the path. Samuel went and stepped on the gas pedal, speeding up the S Mobile up to three hundred miles per hour, quickly reaching the exit and leaping as high as every car lover's dream would wish their car could leap. Samuel immediately pushes a lever that activates jets underneath the S Mobile that would balance the vehicle and land safely on the ground.
After this, however, Samuel floors it again and speeds up to maximum velocity, cruising along the highway. This continues for about a few minutes, and about this time Samuel nearly reaches his destination.
But as luck would have it, the S Mobile comes to a screeching halt, the reason being heavy traffic only a few miles away from the grocery store. Samuel couldn't do anything but sit back and take it slow with the flow of traffic.
Superguy is inside the Bank of America, valiantly arguing with the Teller.
Superguy Ben: Five dollars?! You want ME to pay you a FIVE dollar charge for depositing?! This is…AN OUTRAGE!
Teller: But we're not really asking that much…besides, you have more than enough to pay the fee.
Superguy Ben: Yeah right! I only have a million dollars! Why should I pay YOU! What has the bank done for ME?!
Teller: Besides keeping your money safe?
Superguy Ben: That's not enough! MARK MY WORDS, BANK OF AMERICA! ONE DAY, I WILL DEFEAT YOU, AND I WILL CRUSH YOUR EVIL WAYS OF DEMANDING MONEY I'M TOO AWESOME TO PAY FOR!
The speech, instead of instilling fear in Superguy's enemies, laughter ensues. Angry, Superguy prepares to fight the evil Bank of America, but before he could do so the entrance door opened, and out from that door emerges Doctor Thomas Jeffery and Danielle Witchazel the Witch.
The doc, clad in an unbuttoned white labcoat with a black shirt, black pants, and black shoes. He also has sleek white metallic armor on his shoulders, and wears goggles. He has brown hair and brown eyes, with a very youthful complexion on his face.
The witch herself, a slender build and complexion, who has shoulder length blond hair and yellow eyes, and wears glasses and a black witch hat. She wears a black shirt with a white undershirt, yellow dress, black shoes and a red cape.
Doctor Thomas Jeffery: *Excited* Hey, Superguy! Superguy!
Superguy Ben: What do you want? I am very busy right now!
Doctor Thomas Jeffery: I know that! But I need to tell you something! Something important! And awesome!
Danielle Witchazel the Witch: Believe me; he won't shut up until he tells you. I barely could contain my anger with him arriving here.
Superguy Ben: *Impatient* Alright, tell me, but make it quick!"
Doctor Thomas Jeffery: OKAY! You know that one day I invented the UFO, right?
Superguy Ben: Yeah.
Doctor Thomas Jeffery: But see, that has one flaw in it, or at least I thought so. As you know, the UFO only runs on cows as an energy source. That was an idea of an energy source that's so stupid I can't even begin! I mean, jeez, what was I thinking, using cows as an energy source, how original of me, you know? So I tweaked the UFO, did this and that, and-
Superguy Ben: GET TO THE FRIGGIN POINT!
Doctor Thomas Jeffery: But you didn't let me finish yet!
Danielle Witchazel the Witch: Don't make me turn you into a tadpole again!
Doctor Thomas Jeffery: *Whines* Not fair! So I made an alternate energy source. With the combined work of me and Danielle, we made a UFO that runs on humans as energy!
Danielle Witchazel the Witch: *Smiles* And I must say I am really satisfied with it.
Teller: Hold on a minute! Something is wrong here!
Superguy Ben: I know, using cows as an energy source WAS a stupid idea.
Teller: I'm calling the police! Using humans as a source? You guys need to be taught a lesson!
Danielle Witchazel the Witch: Dial one number and you'll suffer!
Teller: Ha! What are you gonna do?
With that insult in mind, Danielle raises her arms in the air, with dark energy illuminating above. As she violently lunges her arms forward, the darkness engulfed all of the people working in the bank, turning them into silverware.
Doctor Thomas Jeffery: Um…that wasn't very nice…and I thought you said that the UFO would help us.
Danielle Witchazel the Witch: It WILL help people, especially me. Let's go.
Danielle then walks out of the building.
Dr. Jeffery, feeling sorry for the newly transformed bankers, puts five dollars on the counter. He then leaves the bank as well.
Superguy slowly accesses the situation, and eventually speaks.
Superguy Ben: Wait! What am I doing here? I need to get back to work!
Superguy races outside at superhuman speeds, and then flies up into the sky, heading to Supermarket.
Around this time, Samuel has been waiting about an hour, barely getting through the traffic.
Samuel McLe 23,458: This is taking too long…but I'LL fix that…
With an evil laugh, Samuel pushes a button, and a giant cannon raises up from the top of the vehicle. Menacingly pushing another button, the cannon fires a laser beam, hitting and incinerating the vehicles around him.
Samuel McLe 23,458: This will teach them to cause traffic in MY presence!
Inside a music tour vehicle sits The Bongo Wizard and his classic rock band, Heck. The Bongo Wizard is a demon and as such has a very solid, burly build with white horns and black demon wings and tail. He wears a renaissance black sleeveless robe with a red shirt underneath, a red belt, and black sandals. He has white hair that's made into a short ponytail, and green eyes. His band consists of humans, in the style of typical classic rock stars.
The Bongo Wizard: Okay guys, we need to practice before we go on stage live tonight. We can't conquer the world without being top notch in our performance! We need to give our fans what they want…a good show.
But before the rest of the band could even reply, the S Mobile's laser suddenly slices through the vehicle, and before long, Heck is standing in wreckage.
The Bongo Wizard: Who could've done that?
The Bongo Wizard then turns to the S Mobile, and to Samuel.
The Bongo Wizard: Great, not him again…this really calls for payback. I've had it with him. I'm going to S Headquarters and give them a piece of my mind! They are going to pay me for the damages that they've caused. Let's see how he likes it when I send a complaint over at his base. TAXI!
While the taxi arrives almost immediately despite the traffic and wreckage, the rest of the band just shakes their heads in disappointment in their leader. Heck enters the taxi and heads toward Disneyland.
Samuel continues to fire the laser, accidentally hitting a police vehicle. The police officer gets sent flying out of the explosion, and lands upright by the S Mobile.
Police Officer: That's gonna cost ya, buddy.
Samuel McLe 23,458: What for?
The police officer begins to write out a ticket.
Police Officer: For destroying multiple vehicles, including a police unit, and for possession of an illegal car and weapons.
Samuel McLe 23,458: Why does this always happen to me?!
Police Officer: I wasn't the one with a laser, sir.
Samuel McLe 23,458: Curses, foiled again!
After receiving a ticket, Samuel drives off and parks at the Supermarket. He maniacally gets out of the S Mobile and enters the store. He takes a shopping cart and selects various items and groceries in multiple aisles, humming along the way.
Samuel McLe 23,458: Nothing like shopping to relieve the nerves…but now it will end. I'll go check out at the "cash register", and then everyone will feel my wrath!
Samuel then goes to the check out line, devoting himself to waiting patiently in line. When he finally gives the groceries and various equipment to the cashier, who promptly scans the items, only then did the cashier feels moved to speak.
Cashier: Jeez, that's a lot of stuff there. You supporting an entire organization or something?
Samuel McLe 23,458: Wench! How did you know of my organization?! Tell me where you got this knowledge!
Cashier: But I was being-
Samuel McLe 23,458: Tell me or you'll never see the light of dawn!
Cashier: *Nervous* I was just kidding! Anyway, that will be two hundred dollars.
Samuel stares at the cashier suspiciously, relentlessly scanning her every reaction for any sort of lying.
Samuel McLe 23,458: *Shakes fist* You win this battle…but you have yet to win the war!
Superguy finally reaches his Supermarket, where he lands on the ground and enters the sliding doors, when he immediately sees Samuel walking out with bags full of products. Knowing what's going on, Superguy walks after him, all the way to where Samuel reaches the S Mobile, putting the bags in the trunk.
Superguy Ben: *Furious* YOU!
Samuel McLe 23,458: *Furious* WHAT?!
Superguy Ben: You forgot your free discount card.
Superguy Ben hands the discount card to Samuel McLe 23,458
Samuel McLe 23,458: Oh! Thanks.
Samuel then took the discount card, enters the S Mobile, and drives off.
Superguy Ben: Hey, I think that was…oh, never mind. Back to work!
Superguy reenters Supermarket, carrying in his heroic mind a special announcement to everyone in the store.
Superguy Ben: ATTENTION ALL SHOPPERS AND THE PEOPLE WORKING HERE! SUPERGUY HAS SAVED THE DAY ONCE AGAIN! PEACE IS RESTORED!
Director: But the saved day fell on deaf ears, as everyone just continued about their business. Satisfied, Superguy returned to his office to plot the scam of the ages. Stick around for next time on the in your face Misadventures of Superguy Ben, where Bongo complains, Samuel plots again, and Superguy moves boxes! And…hey, what's wrong with you? You didn't even laugh once! Ah very well. Now that we got that done and over with, what kind of insurance would you like: Life or Auto?