Days With Desmond
A waterfall of tears cascaded down my face, dripping off the edge of my chin. They felt cool on my face, a brutal reminder that this wasn't just a dream I could wake up from-this was reality, no matter how harsh it was. I took in a hardened breath, refusing to believe what he told me. Maybe I heard him wrong, perhaps he said he would only have cancer for another year, and then he'll be all better. And he'll live happily ever after.
But I knew it wasn't, my tears betrayed me. My eyes had seen his grim look, the heart monitor sitting patiently beside him. I noticed his paleness.
"Michelle?" Desmond asked softly at my quietness. "It's going to be alright."
Did he dare have the nerve to say that to me? He had just told me he only had a year to live. And he was going to attempt to tell me everything was just jim-dandy? I didn't buy it.
I brought my voice down to a whisper. "I swear to you, I will make it the damn best year you've ever had in your life."
Startled, his golden eyes reached mine, almost making me crumble my reserved appearance.
"Michelle, you don't hav-"
"I want to, Desmond. We're-We're together now, through thick and thin. And, every moment we have together is vital now, and I don't want to be wasteful."
I looked down at his frail body lying among the hospital sheets. When he was healthier, his tan body would've stood out among the whites. But now, he was ghostly pale, frightening me. His head nodded, and he gave me a slight smile.
"I'm glad you're with me now." He spoke honestly.
I broke out into a huge grin, loving how sweet his words were. They meant everything to me, and I liked the sound of his masculine voice. "Me too."
He pulled me as close to him as all the tubes entering his body would allow. His grip tightened around me and I could feel his breath tickle my face. Desmond captured my lips with his and I could sense the passion behind it. Like he needed to feel me beneath him.
We pulled away after a moment and I made an inquiry. "When will they release you?"
"Sometime later today. They ran all the x-rays and everything already."
I told him to call me if he needed anything and he said he would. And I closed his room door, leaving him still lying in bed.
As soon as I closed the door, I could feel pricks behind my eyes. I pushed through the doctors and nurses, trying to find a closet. I found one further down the hallway, and I stumbled inside. I sat on an upside down bucket and the water works sprung a leak again. The weight of the situation was finally dawning on me and it was depressing. Desmond was expected to live only one more year. It was crazy when you thought about it, since I had known him almost my whole life. We only had about a month left of school, then summer, and then our final year of high school. Senior year.
He would only live through his senior year, I realized. The salty tears traveled down my features and I ignored them. He wouldn't get to attend college, find a job, get married, have a family...Not in the span of one year, he couldn't.
There had to be a way to prevent this, there just had to be. Some sort of new technology or something. I wouldn't just sit around during this next year, no way. I wouldn't let him go down without a fight.
Only a year with Michelle. That was all I had left.
And it just wasn't enough.
I cried after she left, which made me feel weak. I knew I had the right to feel this way, but still.
But she had promised she would make it the best year of my life. And to tell you the truth, I was glad she said that. I was hoping she would, it just seemed like something she'd say.
My doctor had told me my heart's health was declining, and it was expected to only last another year until it gave out. I had asked him about a heart donor, and he looked at me like I was crazy. He said there was an extremely long list of patients waiting for a heart donor. I guess I just wasn't lucky.
If my day wasn't already crappy enough, my doctor also informed me I should stay away from sexual activity. Which basically meant no more kisses from Michelle. Would I listen to my doctor? For the time being, no. If I only had a set amount of time left, I was going to enjoy it while it lasted. So that was pretty much why I kissed her so lustfully earlier. I thrived off of her, and without Michelle, my heart would ache even more, making it impossible to live. Emotionally and physically.
They released me a few hours later, and I appreciated it. My doctor, Dr. Thayer, came in to see me.
"We're releasing you Desmond, just be careful, no exerting yourself. Be sure to take your medication and come back immediately if you have any problems. And please refrain from sexual activity, it may make your heart rate increase which could lead to more complications." He said.
He looked down at me, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.
"I will." I promised.
He nodded his head. "Take care."
I didn't like the look the nurses seemed to give me as I left the hospital. They looked like they were seeing me for the last time, which I told them they weren't. They just shook their heads as if they knew something I didn't. The thought scared me.
I shouldered my bag as my mom pulled the car to the front of the hospital. I climbed into the passenger seat and she took me back home. I dumped my things on my bed once I got home, and sat thinking.
What would I do with my last days?
Just keep moving forward? Spend it all with Michelle? Enjoy it? Help others?
I didn't know, so I hoped Michelle would have the answers.