1April 27, 2010
Last night, I dreamt about him. I'm not sure why, but lately my dreams have been telling me what is and what could have been. It's weird.
What sucks is that he's graduating this year. I won't be able to see him every day. Only the occasional Sundays at Church and during the Carnival. I need to know where he's going for high school. He reminds me of the big, muscular vampire from Twilight®...funny, sexy, smart, sporty, and strong.
I know this is the fourth, but I'm still trying. People tell me I'm too young to start liking boys. Well I'm thirteen. I can't do anything about my hormones. Something tells me this would be very difficult. Although I've had my heart broken twice, at least I have enough experience at my age in this portion of life.
You know, love sucks. You think you're love this person, but you're blinded by their flaws. No one ever knows what love feels like until they found the right person.
Unlike me, I know that the guys I've liked so far were no good for me. Even the current one. Technically, I've stalked two of them. Two of four were very big mistakes. One cost me my educational reputation.
My "ex-boyfriend" was one big mistake. He really did love me, but he only got with me so that I wouldn't commit suicide. Like I would even be able to! He loved me, and so he went along with me going too fast. I couldn't help it, I was hurt. With him, he made me feel better, so I poured myself out to him...big mistake. He is a really big hypocrite, blackmailer and liar. He broke up with me because he thought I was going too fast, when all the while he had been encouraging me to go fast. Stupid, right?
And during that relationship, I decided to make a fake friend. If you take out one 'e' from her name and add an apostrophe after the first letter, it would mean "I love" in French. Anyway, she was a mix of two my friends and myself. Rich, sexy, smart, musically talented, all that shit. I read this fan fiction on Twilight® where she made this fake MySpace™ profile and talked to her boyfriend through it. She ended up being dumped for the fake gal. So I created her, made her email, and made all these fake things. I talked to my bf at the time, and soon, I was seriously flirting with him (as her).
Even after the relationship, she kept on talking to him. She figured out a lot of things most people wouldn't have been able to get out of him, even things I couldn't get out. That only happened because she technically couldn't tell anyone that would possibly blackmail him. Eventually one of my friends whom I said she was fake to told him and so that was the end of her.
I've created and impersonated many fake girlfriends of mine...six in fact. I've also impersonated real people. My friend and my first obsession.
Now this one, the current one, the big, muscular vampire from Twilight®, and teddy bear, just happened about two weeks ago. I'm seriously head over heels for this guy. I barely know him though. During my school Carnival, I put him in jail and then my friends decided to put me in jail next to him. Not. Fun. I had to do that twice. I was stalking him during the Carnival. On the last day, in line to our last ride, Zipper, I was behind him, facing my friend. I didn't mean to, but our arms brushed against each other and were touching for at least five minutes. Probably the only chance I had, too.
Anyways, live, love, quote.
April 28, 2010
Today I found out that my muscular vampire thinks I am madly in love with him...because I put both of us in jail during my school Carnival, as I said in the previous post. Now ALL the 8th graders think so too...sucks for me.
My ex and I were talking earlier and he brought up my status message, a quote.
"Don't find love,
Let love find you
Because you don't force yourself to fall,
You just fall."
He was asking me if I was forcing myself to like my current crush. I told him I wasn't, and that these feelings just come to me.
Live, love, quote.
April 29, 2010
Okay so I was talking to Mr. Ex earlier tonight, just before he had to leave. He totally hates me for creating a fake person and talking to him, taking advantage of him. Apparently, he doesn't know who I am. He is plotting to take revenge on me by telling the principal and possibly getting me expelled. But he's given me another chance. He can't trust me.
On the other hand, today we had our Winter Academics and Sports Assembly. Every time he was mentioned, I looked down, blushing like crazy. My ex thinks I get horny...
Anyhoo, I love how I know his volleyball number now. 20. That's really ironic. Nearly ALL of my dreams about love, friends, and school are when I'm 20. How do I know this? My driver's license. I would always look at it in EVERY dream. Weird, but useful.
Live, love, quote. Always.
April 30, 2010
Today during Computer Lab, I was bored for the last 10 minutes or so. So I decided to surf the school's website. I looked under Athletics and Boys A Volleyball. There was a picture of the team. I looked over the faces and numbers, and found my C. C. I looked at his jersey. He used to be number 19...he changed it, I guess.
So there was supposed to be a game today at home for the boys A volleyball team. Turns out the other school bailed or something. Haha. I still stayed and watched them practice instead. I found one of my friends and decided to hang out with her. She calls me her puppy. Apparently, I have a husband too. By that she refers to Mr. C. C.
Anyways, at our lockers, one of the volleyballs were there, so she took the chance to toss it to me and told me to give it to him. I said no, and she insisted. I gave up and turned around, deciding to throw it back over to the volleyball court.
Instead of what I planned, there he was, just standing there, in his sexy usual stance, waiting for the ball. I started walking towards him, but he told me to throw it, so I just rolled it. I wanted to ask him a question so badly.
Until Monday, live love quote.
May 1, 2010
Okay, maybe not till Monday. I really don't get why I can't become a different person. Yeah, I'm smart and talented, but that doesn't mean I have to be the star of everything, or at least be a part of it. Today my mom got pissed at me because I didn't want to be in the Ramona Challenge this year. I just don't get it. I am my own person. No one is the boss of me. Only I am.
Today, not only was I gotten mad at for not wanting to be in the Ramona Challenge, but not filling in the form for the Excellence in Education Awards dinner and forced to go to the Filipino Chorale concert thing that was tonight.
Okay, now on to my love life. I was so freaking wet this morning. Not as in I peed, but as in I had a really appealing sex dream about my C. C.
What I need to know about him now is his birth date, phone number, and email address. From there I could handle anything.
So there was one thing I noticed today. I thought of how I just moved on right after my first obsession, never loved or liked my ex, and in less than two weeks later, I moved on to my current. I realized that I would technically be counted as a player. To every boy I've liked, I've played them. Pulled a prank, impersonated fake people, etc. When I grow up, I would end up being a whore, bitch, and slut. Total player. Ugh. That would either make me most wanted or most hated. That might be fun to watch.
Sigh. I can't wait to see him Monday. So live, love, quote.
May 2, 2010
So if you haven't noticed, I haven't used any names. Why, you ask? It is only for my privacy and just in case someone finds it they would have no idea who I'm talking about.
More daydreams. During Church this time. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable but yet have so much pleasure. It feels good but it hurts me to know it's probably not true.
Today I figured he still goes to this church. Not at 6:00 P.M. on Sundays. Not at 8:30 A.M. on Sundays. That leaves Saturday and 10:30 A.M. on Sundays. I need to figure this out.
At least I'm going to see him tomorrow at last. Until then, live, love, quote.
May 3, 2010
Okay so during 5th period, my homeroom teacher currently had my C.C.'s class. The problem was that nearly every time I heard her talking, she mentioned him. Weird, but pleasurable through my eyes, ears, in the case. Then outside after 5th period, I almost ran into him. That would've been fun to see.
We had tutoring today and I couldn't help but think about him the whole time. When I was looking for my tutoree, he was there. When I was going to sign in, he was there. But then he left for a volleyball game. No worries, I might be able to see him Wednesday during tutoring. Oh, how I love after school activities.
What I can't wait for now is the Baccalaureate Mass in June. Actually, I can't wait for the Baccalaureate Mass REHEARSALS. My music teacher wants me to rehearse with the 8th graders every time they rehearse. Ooh, I love him for wanting me to do this. So fun.
Live, love, quote.
May 4, 2010
Nothing interesting today. Just that one of his friends walked passed me and said, "Shame on you." One of my friends is going to talk to him about it. Okay, well, live, love, quote.
May 5, 2010
So I found out why his friend said, "Shame on you." It's because my first obsession was the one that told my C.C. that I like him. But how did he know this? I don't know. It would either be one of my "friends," the girl who lies and then tells the truth later even if it would get that person in trouble, my ex, or my first obsession just happened to overhear a conversation about it. I have to find out.
Other than that, I made this code where I have two sentences. The code is all numbers. I doodled hearts at the back of my math notebook and ended up with that...Another thing is that I have a mass to cantor tomorrow after lunch. Yay! I would most likely have my chance at seeing him during the entire Mass! The downside is that I have to pay attention to what's happening, not being stuck daydreaming hot, sexy, and dirty fantacies about him.
Uhh, need to get out of that...So just live, love, quote.
May 6, 2010
Waaa! I didn't expect him to leave! There are a few possibilities: he faked being sick enough to go home, he was sick, or he had a family emergency. Why would he fake being sick? Because there was a school mass today. I could've looked at him majority of the mass but I couldn't because he wasn't there! I'm so upset now. If he doesn't come tomorrow, I would worry like hell. If he doesnt come on Monday, I would seriously go crazy then move on and like someone else. I have just the person, too.
So on that note, live, love, quote.
May 7, 2010
Yay! He came today! At least he did. But my friends and I noticed that he is a terrible father. The eighth graders are doing their marriage project and they have a baby. He is terrible. He holds it wrong and squishes it. He even got it taken away.
Ugh. Well, here comes the weekend. Live, love, quote.
May 8, 2010
Oh. My. God. I just had the weirdest but pleasurable dream. I had convinced him that I don't like him, and then he said okay and we became friends. What sucks is that my cousin woke me up from it by texting me.
Still the weekend. Live, love, quote.
May 9, 2010
I swear I saw him at Mass today. What sucks is that I saw him at the very end. He was as adorable as ever, leaning against the wall...and look, there's his locker. I know that it's always unlocked. I need to put something in it, or at least take something.
Sigh. I love him. Live, love, quote.
May 10, 2010
Sigh. During Tutoring today, I passed by him at least three times, and when I did, I brushed his arm a little. Every time I passed by him though, he completely stopped. I could tell he wasn't even breathing.
Good news is I put the note in his locker after Mass this evening. I should've put it with his name facing up, but I was in a rush so I couldn't. The downside to that mistake is that it's black. More good news to that I know what his locker looks like and I'm positive he'll find it.
I just need him to talk to me. Either that or his friend. Live, love, quote.
May 11, 2010
Today was perfectly fine. Normal, to be exact. He didn't show any signs of reading the note. Today after Mass I need to check his locker and see if he did. If not, I'm going to have to turn over the note so it shows his name.
One thing I noticed today is that one of my friends seems mad at me. I have no idea why. Better stay away from her.
After Mass, I went to his locker and found that the note was gone. He either read it or threw it away. I have one more chance at doing this. I need to know if he read it and if he knows who wrote it.
Need to do this. Never get caught. Live, love, quote.
May 12, 2010
I'm planning on following him home today. But not too far. I managed to see him during 5th period.
Nevermind I didn't get to do that. My mom came right after he passed around the corner. This evening though, I did get to go to his locker and put my final note in there.
I need to see if he knows who made the notes. I need to talk to him. Live, love, quote.
May 13, 2010
Oh. My. God. So there was a Student Council meeting at recess, and at the end, we had to tell the teacher in charge what we are running for. Just then, when it was still very crowded, he walks in. He says, "Hey guys, what's going on here?" I was the one that was closest to the door. That was when he said it and walked up right behind me. He was seriously pressed up against my back, I could feel his breath on my neck. I could tell he didn't know who I was because I chose to tie my hair today. It was heaven. Almost all of him was pressed up against me. Sigh. I want that feeling again. But I want it to be longer, more pressure, with him running his lips against my neck...
Stop. I need to stop doing this. Ugh. Long weekend ahead. No school tomorrow, have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, baby shower on Saturday, and I get to see him on Sunday. So just live, love, quote.
May 14, 2010
Good day today. I went to Mass and got a chance to go to his locker. I found another pen, and of course I took it. I also wrote another note with the pen and one of my flashcards. I need to know if he knows who I am. The only thing is that my writing is way too noticable.
Now it's time to wait. I get to see him on Sunday. Please. Live, love, quote.
May 15, 2010
Obviously I wasn't able to see him today. I'm stuck at a baby shower. I need to find out when I can see him again. I need to see him tomorrow. Live, love, quote.
May 16, 2010
Ugh, I didn't get to see him today. I went to the 8:30 Mass for choir, and I changed my mind about going to the 10:30 Mass because I didn't want to go in my uniform. I will obviously get to see him tomorrow, that is, if he comes. I still need to know if he knows who wrote the notes in his locker. Live, love, quote.
May 17, 2010
One thing. I had a chance to make sure he doesn't think I like him, and I took it. I made sure that every time he was anywhere near me I made sure one of my friends was there so I could pretend I like him instead of my actual crush. My friend never knew what I was doing.
Unlike him, the girl who does like him noticed. She used to be one of my friends...
During lunch recess, I had my chance to play the guitar because my ex wasn't and it sucked because I didn't have a pick. Ugh.
After Tutoring, I had about three chances to give the volleyball back to him, and I never took it, but my untrusted friend did. He also looked like he was going to walk up to me but he didn't. :(
Still love him, can't wait until the Bacchalaureate Mass rehearsals! Yeah, he'll be sort of pissed but I don't care! At least I get to see him more. Everyone seems to be making fun of him a lot more now. It's weird. It's like everyone knows. Anyways, gotta go. Live, love, quote.
May 18, 2010
Okay today after school was majorly weird. One of my two guy friends who learned stalking from me told me that during Spring Break, he went to our school to help, and he saw the volleyball team practicing. They were in their coach's classroom at one point and he saw everything. One of the 8th graders who was in the Academic Decathlon this year for Math pantsed the only 7th grade boy who is on the A Volleyball team and has the same name as my C.C. He then walked around the classroom with his shorts down then he pulled them back up. Then my C.C. pantsed him again and he did the same thing. After that, the 7th grade one pantsed my C.C.
Another thing that happened after school was that my stalker friend was saying, "He changed into his tight shirt and his tight short shorts and he starts sweating..." By that time my underwear was soaked. I was so turned on by that, and then he reminded me of that day when he pushed against me. Oh, dear God...
Speaking of that day and Student Council, I went with my friend to go get our applications signed by the coordinator of Student Council. He walked in and started looking at my friends grades and then kept on glancing up at me. I didn't look at him, but I saw it in my peripheral vision. Wow, he's so sexy.
One more thing happened after school. He unbuckled his belt and pulled down his shorts. Oh. My. God. But then that's when I realized he had another pair of shorts under. Then he put his school shorts back on then took them off and finally just left them on. Still sexy.
Anyways, remember to live, love, and quote.
May 19, 2010
Oh, joy. Tomorrow night, I have to endure three and a half hours of my ex.
Other than that little detail, my day was fine. During lunch, my C.C. asked our table for a napkin. He looked at me, too! Today I decided to skip 5th period because tomorrow we have a test in that class. I decided to skip today because our teacher gives us the questions the day before. So I have to go to a different classroom tomorrow. That means I get to go to the class he is in! I was so close. Tomorrow is the 8th grader's last day of switching.
After school, his friend said something about ew its me. I just shrugged him off. My C.C. left early between tutoring, I guess to change because he came back for volleyball practice. Oh, he is so sexy during volleyball practice, sticking his butt out and all that.
This morning, my dad dropped me off at school so we got to pass by over the hill. He was walking at the time. Yes, he walks to school. He lives further than I thought.
Oh, God, please help me! Still sexy. Stay sexy. Live, love, quote.
May 20, 2010
Tonight is the night of the Salesian Excellence in Education Awards Dinner. I have to endure three and a half hours with my ex. And I accomplished it.
At school today, I got a lot closer to my C.C. During 5th period, I went to the class he was in for the test I had to miss because of yesterday. I swear he was looking at me the whole time. During lunch, I followed him to the cafeteria and bought my stuff. Of course I went with my loyal stalker friends, the two guys. We talked about our crushes and how much we loved them. So beautiful. Also during lunch, during the eating part of it, as always, I was with my 8th grader friends. I will definitely miss them next year, especially him. I also followed him to my classroom when he went there during lunch recess, but instead of actually going inside the classroom, I went and talked to my friend while in my peripheral vision was my C.C.
He wore free dress today, and wore that sweater of his that he seems to like wearing. Oh, I love what he wore today. His shirt, his sweater, his jeans, his butt concealed within those oh so tight jeans...
Oh, I need him now. Tomorrow is the Spring Fling. Will love to look for him during it. Live, love, quote.
May 21, 2010
Today was the Spring Fling. Of course I saw him, and he was still sexy. Especially what he was wearing. So sexy! His shirt sleeves rolled up, the suspenders, the sunglasses, and the hat. Oh, the hat. He looked like a god. I had trouble keeping my eyes off him.
I got a chance to say hi to his mom three times. I stayed as long as I could until he left. He walked home with his dad, I believe, and met his mom there.
His performance during the Spring Fling was so cute and sexy. He knew the lyrics to the songs they performed to: S.O.S., Burnin Up and Party in the USA. I laughed at that but I thought it was just adorable.
But then there was something else he performed to. It was a paired dance. I think that they purposely did that to make me jealous. The way he touched her and danced with her made me wish I skipped a grade, which I was supposed to. My mom wanted me to skip Kindergarten but the teacher said no and didn't even let me take the test. It sucks. I could've been in the same class.
The next time I can see him is on Sunday at Church. Until then, live, love, quote.
May 22, 2010
It's Saturday. Obviously once again, I didn't see him. I had a sex dream about him last night, but then, when do I not? After yesterday I couldn't get him out of my mind. I need to see him again. And I will. Tomorrow at Church. He has to go.
Still miss him, my heart is pounding. Live, love, quote.
May 23, 2010
Okay, so it's Sunday. I went to Church. I was looking for him the whole time. Finally, I found him. I found him in the pews. During communion, he recieved the Body and then left. I realized he walked to Church by himself. I wonder why. I could guess, but then it would just be something like he only goes to Church to see me. Which is probably true. On Thursday when I went to the classroom he was in for 5th period, I swear he was looking at me the whole time. During Church, he was straining his head and was looking straight at me. Before I started to like him and after our Christmas Play, he would always pass by me and say hi. I could've sworn he had a chrush on me.
Well, live your life, love your enemies, and quote famous sayings. Live, love, quote.
May 24, 2010
I saw him today. They didn't have their retreat today. I wonder why. Anyways, so after 1st period, he walked inside our classroom and so I told one of my friends, the one who is betraying me without knowing it, to come with me inside the classroom to get something. She said hi to him when he passed by and he said hi back. Such a betrayal.
This morning, we had Peace Tree, and he lifted up his sweatshirt twice, in clear view of me. Once again, he looked at me. Ugh, just leave me with this feeling that I might actually feel happy when they're gone tomorrow for their retreat. Live, love, quote.
May 25, 2010
Yeah, so I am not happy today.
I haven't seen him all day.
I have, of course, thought of him, but I was whining about it.
One of my stalker friends wasn't here today, and somehow, it was a lot easier. Yesterday I noticed on my English textbook that it had the number 14 crossed out and replaced by 6, my class number. Number 14, however, is his class number. I've been noticing things a lot with the number 4 in it now. So weird.
Can't wait to see him tomorrow. Live, love, quote.
May 26, 2010
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be very...pissed. Of course, that was the day that my ex and I got together. One of the WORST days. Of. My. Life.
Today is my cousin's birthday. She is 15, I think. Nope. 16.
Today is the last day of campaigning. Sigh. Oh well. More time for me to relax this weekend, which happens to be Memorial Weekend. I won't be able to see him until Tuesday, and the pain shall begin again on Friday.
When we were switching to 4th period, some of the 8th graders were outside. I just happend to look for him, as always. At last, he steps outside of the classroom, and with his back to me, he takes off his sweatshirt, pulling it from the hood. Then he looks straight at me, winks, and walks back inside the classroom. What. A. Tease.
Guess what? He sat at one of the round tables that my friends from 8th grade sit on. So my two stalker friends and I sat there during lunch recess.
The boys' A volleyball team had a game today. They are in the final four at the CYO Playoffs. I know they'll win. Until my days of pain, live, love, quote.
May 27, 2010
It has officially been one month since I started journaling.
Today is supposed to be the day where I ignore everyone who knew I was with my ex. But I sort of couldn't help it. I was excited but nervous. Today is our speeches. Tomorrow is when I can't see him because of the field trip.
During lunch, I changed into a dress because our coordinator wanted us to wear something nice, no jeans. Today, our principal decided in honor of the boys' A volleyball team, we could wear free dress. So some of us changed at lunch. The dress that I wore was the same one I wore for my cousin's graduation dinner dance. I even wore heels. I just hoped he would see me in it...I looked damn sexy if I do say so myself.
That certainly came true. I decided to give our coordinator my speech because I changed it a lot since I last gave it to him. While he was reading it, my C.C. and two of his friends came in. They are all on the volleyball team-so they wore their uniform-and on Student Council. My C.C. came in first. Our coordinator argued with him. This is basically pretty much how it went:
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the Church, practicing?"
"Well yeah, but last year, wasn't Student Council here?"
"Yeah, but they weren't practicing."
After realizing that last year the winners of Student Council were announced at the Spring Fling, he said, "Can we stay here, though?"
Obviously, our coordinator said, "No, you guys should be in the Church practicing."
"But I already know everything we're going to do."
"I don't care. I don't want you to get in trouble."
"But I want to stay here," he said while looking at me. All three of them sat down at the edge of the stage. He sat closest to me, our hands almost touching. I looked away, up at where our coordinator was reading my speech. It seems like he just needed an excuse, because once I sat down, they left.
The things he does lately just drives me crazy. He does it on purpose. They are clearly directed towards me. FML. Live, love, quote.
May 28, 2010
You know, I'm always forgetting to say that I have developed crushes on four guys. All in 8th grade. Almost all friends. Ever since the Spring Fling. Two of them are on the volleyball team. Those two I like more than the other two. I just think the last two are cute.
Just recently, like two days ago, I replaced one of them with another volleyball player. And he's one of my stalker friend's crush's brother.
Today, the 8th graders had their field trip to Disneyland. I miss all of them. The good thing was that two of them were left behind because of their grades or something. The replaced and the other original cute one. To me, rated fourth and now fifth place. The replacer is in rank three.
I mostly saw my fourth place man during the day. He was in Art class. At lunch, I saw him in line. After lunch, he helped set up the DVD player in one of the 8th grade classrooms. I only saw the replaced twice. He helped 5th grade.
During 1st period, in Computer Lab, since I was at the back of the classroom and the door was open, I took the chance to find him before he left me. They were all wearing uniform, and as unual, he looked sexy in the sweatshirt and shorts. Even from the distance.
Oh, gosh, I miss him so much. I didn't even see him after school. The next time I wil see him is on Sunday at Church. Good thing I'm not serving. Live, love, quote.
May 29, 2010
Today was fun. I created a new blog under my recent fake friend. The photographer, which is me, will never be named. This blog was created for me and my stalker friends.
For the past four days I've been reading The Vampire Diaries. I'm totally hooked to it. I'm currently on the third book. Barely started today. It's so interesting.
This afternoon, I talked to my stalker friends and my friend who likes one of my stalker friends. Four way call, and good thing one of us has an iPhone. I called his obsession as his prize. I tried to call the other one's obsession, but she wasn't home. I was totally jealous. I had easy access to their obsessions, while I don't have anything near that kind of access for my obsession.
Once again, FML. I get to see him tomorrow, but still. On Monday, I serve Memorial Day at Resurrection Cemetery, which is in view of my bedroom window, with the bishop. Live, love, quote.
May 30, 2010
I am so dissapointed, mad, and sad right now. I can't believe that he didn't go to Church today! But I now have a theory. I would always see him if I'm serving. He would only know I am positively going to Church if I am serving. Otherwise I don't see him at all. Every day I get more positive that he likes me. He's sending signs: he looks at me, says things that would make my day just because he's there, and he simply just drives me crazy with everything he wears.
Currently, I'm confused. Does he like me or not? Live, love, quote.
May 31, 2010
It was useless today. I have nothing to say. I'm going to the graduation. I'm practicing with the 8th graders on Wednesday and Thursday. On Friday, I won't be able to see him. I served the Memorial Mass at Resurrection Cemetery this morning. I finished a very personal essay in 30 minutes. I'm tired of trusting two of my friends. Tomorrow, I'm going to have a day where I live my best. Live, love, quote.