Chapter 12:

We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so forlornly unhappy as when we have lost our love object or its love. - Sigmund Freud

I crave him. Everything about him is satisfying. His ruggedly handsome good looks drive me wild. His emerald eyes that sparkle into mine. The way he looks at me silently asking to be kissed. The way he gets caught looking at my body. It's hard to believe he's a vampire. He seems so human. Then the most satisfying part of him is what I'm currently addicted to.

The sex.

Oh my god. I mean I wasn't inexperienced before, but after him, I sure felt like I was. I didn't know it could feel so amazing. First it was last night. Now, we just lay down after twelve hours of it. I didn't know I could feel sore as an angel… but I sure am. It's not in a bad way either, but I surely am sore.

My hand caresses his chest and I feel the hairs in between my fingers. I graze his nipple and feel as he quivers. It excites me that it turns him on. I smile and I can feel him look at me. I've never felt so happy before. I thought I'd never find love again.

I'm not saying this is love. No! This is definitely not love. This is mutually beneficial. I can't love a vampire… can I? This is strictly business. Wait… business? No, this is mutual beneficial. We are working together for a common cause. This is… well… lust. I have no feeling for him whatsoever.

He turns and my heart skips a beat. I turn to look but he's still there. Good, I don't want him to go. I'm not done resting. Besides the sun hasn't faded beyond the horizon yet. I just want to lay here forever in his arms. No… not forever… just for now. He doesn't need to get up any time soon.

His chest feels so cold to my face as I lay upon it. I smile as I feel his hard pecks against my cheek. I put my arm around him and close my eyes. I want to just lay here for a moment. We don't have to leave yet.

"It's dark now," he says. He doesn't attempt to move in the slightest and I smile.

"Yes… it is," I say. I just snuggle closer to him now.

I feel his cool breath on my hair. It sends shivers down my naked body and goose bumps appear everywhere. I just snuggle in closer to him now. I know he won't warm me, but it still feels better the closer I am.

Knowing that we need to get out into the alleys to protect humans I finally slither from his arms. I stand looking upon him once more. A smile appears on my face and my heart warms. I don't know how he does that to me. It's intoxicating. I look around noticing that I don't have the robes to wear anymore. Though it does not matter, I still wish to wear something before going outside. Scrambling around I can only find one thing to wear.

I stare at the outfit dumbfounded wondering how it got to be in my house. I don't ever remember seeing it. It is a one-piece white leather suit that almost looks like a one-piece bathing suit. I can see how it would bring out my cleavage and I'm not sure if I want Tristan so distracted. On the other hand it might be fun to catch him looking.

Next to the suit I see long white leather boots that will go up past my knees. I figure it's better than traveling naked because then nothing would really get done with all those dark alleys and a strong man next to me. I shake such thoughts from my head trying not to think of his hard pecks. It isn't working very much as I look back at him and see his hard nipples as he looks up at me. His nipples are always hard. It's probably because he's always cold. I shake thoughts from my head once again.

I quietly put the armor on realizing that it's tight against my skin. It would cause me pain if I weren't immune to such pains being an angel. The only thing that hurts me is my wing. I don't know how long it's going to take to heal. I shouldn't even be going out to fight vampires with me being weak. It does not matter though. I must go out. The humans out there need me.

"Are you going to get some clothes on, or are you going to help me looking like that?" I ask looking at his body. My eyes can't help but to wander up and down his toned flesh.

"Which do you prefer?" He asks and winks at me. I can't believe he winked. That is so unfair as I can feel warmth on my cheeks.

"Don't get me started on which I prefer. We need to get going and I don't think you looking as good… I don't think… you looking like that. Just get some clothes on." I say. My speech is having a hard time being convincing. All I can think about when I look at him naked is… well. Dang, now I'm thinking about it again.

He smiles. I hate that smile. It's like it takes all the darkness out of the room when it appears on his face. How can somebody so dark have such a bright smile, I do not understand.

"All I have is my pants, you tore my shirt to shreds." He said. I almost forgot about his shirt. I nearly tore his pants to shreds because he wouldn't take it off quick enough. For a vampire he gets undressed so slow for the circumstances.

"It's better than nothing." I say. Even though I do like nothing. I don't want it flapping around while I'm trying to kill another vampire next to me.

"Is it better?" He asks. His smirk is so wide now. I am speechless. I'm not sure how to respond without throwing him back to the bed.

"Shut up or I'll throw you back down for another round and I won't give you permission." I say. A smile is now on my face.

Without another word he puts his pants on and follows me out the room. I fill my dogs bowl with food before leaving out into the darkness with a vampire.

The night air is cool, but it's still not as cool as Tristan's touch. He's actually holding my hand as we walk in the night. This doesn't feel like we're hunting vampires, but more like a date. I need to keep my mind focused and away from his strong hands.

The moon is full tonight and I can see all the stars in the sky. They shine so brightly as if they're smiling down at me. I remember as a child I would look up to the stars and wish to find true love. The love that nothing can tear away from me. I thought I had found it as a human, but my husband didn't love me. He couldn't have. At least not whole-heartedly. I've seen him as an angel and he doesn't take a second glance at me.

He must not be attracted to me. I wonder if Tristan is attracted to me. He must only be with me because it was forced upon him. Him and I are connected now. Ever since I saw him in an alley and spared his life. Maybe he feels he's indebted to me because of that. He never calls me beautiful. In fact all he seems to talk about is keeping his clothes off or sex. Perhaps he doesn't care for me, but I'm fun for him right now. After all he's a vampire and living that long ought to get boring.

I look at him and realize I need him. I can't let him get bored. He doesn't love me. There's no way he could. It hasn't been long enough for even me to love him. Yet, I can see it for me, but I don't see him loving me. What is there to love? I have nothing to offer him. We are only convenient. He wishes to punish the vampires for making him what he is and I am destroying the vampires to save the humans from utter extinction. If the vampire rate keeps going up there won't be any chance for human existence.

I just can't let myself get boring. I don't want him to toss me away like another girl. He tossed away Sakura. She seems to have a fascination with him and he hides from it. I can see it in him too. I can tell that he has feelings for her and that's why he can't bring himself to kill her. Yet, he wants to protect me. It can't be that he has feelings for me though, but that he feels he owes me.

Through the darkness I see a vampire stalking a woman. My hand withdraws from Tristan's as I run forward. I can sense he's right behind me. Into the alley the woman is already dead and the vampire standing looking at me. It's a woman vampire and she looks new. She hasn't been a vampire for long and fear becomes her eyes as she looks at me.

I grab the sword off my sash and run forward leaping into the air. I mistook my judgment as my wings can't catch the air in their condition. I fall to the ground and my sword tumbles. Now the vampire stands above me snarling with her teeth out. I try and find my sword but she already has me lifted in the air with eyes on my neck. I try and scream out but soon her head falls from her body. Ash surrounds me and I look at Tristan standing in front of me with my sword.

"You are not ready yet." He says. He looks into my eyes with concern.

"I know… thank you." I say. I leap into his arms and hold him close to me.

A blinding light forces me to close me eyes. Tristan turns around and holds me close as we both face the light. Through the light walks an angel. A blond goddess. She is all I wish I could ever be. She is naked and her figure puts mine to shame. Her wings are much larger than mine and in perfect condition. I stare at her in wonder. I realize she is the one who gave me the message.

"Divinity…" Tristan says.

I look at Tristan in wonder. How did he know her name? I didn't even know her name. I noticed the way he looked at her. He had fear on his face. It wasn't fear for his life, but fear of another kind. I looked back to Divinity as she stared at Tristan. She didn't glance my way at all. Instead her eyes traveled up and down Tristan's naked upper body.

"What is going on?" I ask. Fear surrounds my thoughts and I hold onto Tristan tighter.

"Tristan… ever since that night. I can't stop thinking about you. I want it to be us. Olivia is safe now. She will live and continue to hunt your kind. You can leave her, come with me instead." Divinity said. Her eyes never left Tristan's.

I watch as he began to step forward but stopped suddenly. He turns to me and stares into my eyes, into my soul. He stands his ground at shakes his head.

"No Divinity. I did what I had to so I could save Olivia. She is who I want. Not you." He says. He looks back to me and holds me tight.

"Did you tell her what you and I did?" Divinity asks. My eyes grow wide with realization. I don't want to know what they did. I don't want to be hurt again. I thought I had finally found somebody. No, this can't be happening.

He looks to me with sorrow in his eyes. I've never seen him so upset before. I know what happens next isn't going to be good. I don't know if I can handle it. I don't want to think about it. What they did, I don't want to think about it.

"I did it for you. To save you. Without her I couldn't travel in daylight to save you." He says. He looks deep into my eyes and I can see the sorrow in them.

"What did you do?" I ask. My heart is terrified now and I release his hand. I take a step back and look at him.

"Divinity and I… we had to, it's the only way." He says. A tear escalades down his face.

"You did what?" I ask tears falling down my face now.

"We had sex. He fed on me afterwards." Divinity says. She tilts her neck so I can see her bite marks.

No, this can't be happening. That was before… "You slept with her before you slept with me, and you didn't tell me?"

"Olivia, I… I didn't know how. It didn't mean anything. It's you that I want. I had to save you and it was the only way." He says tears all down his face.

"You should have told me." I say. I turn to face Divinity now. She is frowning. She isn't taking pleasure in my heart being shattered. In fact she seems bad about it. She really was having these feelings towards Tristan. I take a step back.

"Goodbye." I say.

"Olivia, please." He calls out.

I barely hear him as I'm already gone into the night. Tears streaming across my face. I thought it was something special, but I'm just another girl to him now. I have only one thought in my mind for the rest of the night. Ben & Jerrys.