I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Josh.
What? Did you expect me to rant on how I think of him every second of every day? Or that I stare longingly at the calendar, as if my stare had some grip on the matters of time and space, allowing for the days to pass faster? Perhaps you thought I'd begin this by stating I'd be lying if I burst into tears in the middle of the night when I think of all(read:little) the miles between Josh and I.
Um. No. THAT would be lying to you all. And a good inner monologue shouldn't lie. I think.
What I can say is that I miss Josh more than I expected too. Especially now that our feelings for each other have just blossomed or developed or whatever. But silly Brooke thinks it has something to do with "feelings that had been there all along" and "pent up emotions that didn't have enough time to be fully realized" oh and get this one "sexual frustration". But my favorite thing on that ludicrous list is the notion that I am in love with him.
And in no way am I back on that denial stage.
I flinched as I heard another squeak emit from Brooke.
Do not open your eyes. Do not open your eyes. Do not even take a peak-
"Delilah I know you're awake!"
I groaned, stretching my arms as high as the roof of the would allow, as I feigned having just woken up.
"Brooke you woke me up."
She snorted in response. Giving up the act, I shifted in my seat and looked out the window of the car.
"What was with all the squealing," I asked, squinting as I tried to identify my surroundings. "And where are we?"
"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited!" exclaimed Brooke, practically bouncing in her seat as I contemplated my decision to let her drive. "I mean just think of it. Right now we're college touring and next year we'll actually be in college!"
I rolled my eyes at her, fighting back a smile at her happiness. It really shouldn't be this contagious.
"Oh and we're in Hartford, about 2 hours from NYU," she said suggestively, taking a hand of the wheel to nudge me.
"Okay that is the third time you've done something to worry me about the safety of you driving us," I replied, eyeing her warily. "And I've only been awake for like 10 minutes!"
"As if you're any better!" Brooke retorted. "You nearly ran us through an intersection because you couldn't stay awake! Which is the only reason I'm driving in the first place."
Okay so maybe neither of us are helping out the horrendous driving statistics for teenagers. Or females. Or road trips. But I still had a right to my personal safety.
Brooke sighed, catching my attention.
"Maybe we should just pull over, find a restaurant, and-"
"No!" I objected, before realizing my mistake. That "no" was just an octave too high, was spoken just a second too fast, and my expression was just a little too horrified. And if that smile of Brooke's face, a smile that rivaled that of the Grinch once he realized the way to steal Christmas, was any indication, she had also figured it out.
"Get that look off your face," I grounded through my teeth, knowing she had me out.
"You just can't wait to see Josh," she sang, the evil grin on her face now accompanied by a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You desperately miss Josh. You miss the presence of Josh. You are completely in love with-"
"That's the worst song ever," I interrupted, annoyed and adamant on not letting her finish that line. "You keep rhyming all the lines the same. There are other words that rhyme with Josh, you know."
Brooke paused for a moment.
"Posh," I responded, not missing a beat.
My breath in hitched in my throat as we pulled up to the building.
I hadn't seen Josh since winter break, which really wasn't too far from the spring break we were currently in right now, but I had learned from his last visit that a lot can change in little time. The largest surprise that had come to me from his visit during the holidays was that he had cut his hair. His hair that he loved, worshiped, and had probably sacrificed for was suddenly reduced greatly, from a large mass surrounding his head, to a short, neat shape. When I asked, because I had to hear the story of how he had lost a bet or something, he simply said it was just hair and it was a hassle to take care of it.
My initial reaction to this was horror, because if his hair was so difficult for him, how would that mass on top of my head (that made his hair look like glorified eyebrows) survive the college life. And then, as his words replayed in my head, shock filled me. Just hair he had said. Just hair. Sure, he wasn't as conceited as when we had initially met, and dating him before the semi long distance thing had continued to mellow him down, but never had he lost admiration for his hair. And to hear him say that then, had shook me about how mature he had truly become. It didn't stop our bantering or other things we liked to do in spare time, but it was something that had made me nervous about visiting him here. In his new natural habitat.
My reminiscing was cut short as Brooke gently placed her hand on my shoulder.
I nodded my head reassuringly, smiling. Getting out of the car, I looked at the dorm buildings.
"He knows we're coming, right?" I asked, not really listening. I knew she had let him know already so I was more or less speaking from nerves and-
"Eh more or less," Brooke shrugged, walking towards the building. My jaw dropped in response.
"But I thought you said you told him!" I exclaimed.
"I did!" Brooke defended. "I just didn't tell him minor details such as the when, where, why, or how."
"Hey at least I told him the who," she joked, attempting to chip at my bemused expression. Upon her lack of success, she relented, sighing. "Relax Delilah. Everything will be fine. Have I ever let you down when it came to Josh?"
"You introduced me to him," I deadpanned following her into the building. I looked around, not comfortable with the lost feeling I had. I was beginning to regret going down to Florida with my mom at the same time Josh was moving into the college. I hadn't minded at the time, not wanting to deal with the tears I knew I would shed if I had gone down with his family to see him off.
"As I recall," she began, "And I do have the ability to recall things quite excellently, you were the one to beg his attention first."
"First of all, I never would have begged for his attention," I replied, following her up the stairs. "Ever. Second, why on Earth does he live in a dorm when he lives so close to here anyway."
"Ha!" shouted Brooke, unconcerned with the looks the outburst had gained her. "So you do admit that you wish he was closer, and that you were the one who initiated one of the craziest relationships known to mankind."
"Technically, it's not even a relationship."
No this is not me being in denial again. After that oh so eventful day of our getting together, we had an amazing summer of togetherness and all that jazz. But, we decided to put our very new relationship on the side as he started college and I began my senior year of high school. And as for winter break...well that was just us getting into the holiday of giving.
"Whatever it is," Brooke said with a roll of her eyes. "It brought you to his dorm. Which is right where we are."
My heart decided then would be a good time to try and fit its way up my throat, despite my brains insistence that it was simply too fat to fit through the narrow space. My brain, obviously annoyed at my hearts disobedience decided to do something that was sure to stop it in its track. It forced my hand to knock. And lo and behold, my heart froze and dropped back into its place and before I could comprehend my body's strange behavior, the knob was turning and I was met with some very not blue eyes. Very not blue eyes (brown would be a better description) and a friendly face.
Oh. No Josh. Right now. Must be his roommate.
"Hello," replied he who shall be named Maybe Roommate. "Seeing as I have not the pleasure of meeting either of you, I'm assuming you hear for Josh or you're lost. If the latter, let me just tell you that I am more than happy to help you find your way."
I laughed, and attempted not to snort as Brooke flushed, at Maybe Roommate's greeting.
"I'm afraid we are here for Josh," I replied, trying nonchalantly to peek inside. "I'm Delilah, and this is Brooke."
"And I'm Jack," he introduced himself. "Josh's roommate."
"However Josh is currently holed up in the library (cue the looks of shock on mine and Brooke's face), but he should be back soon," he explained before sweeping his arm towards the room. "You two are still invited to come in and wait until he does return."
Before I could properly weigh out the pros and cons of going into a room with a stranger, Brooke was already into the room and I was forced to follow her in case I needed to defend her self, honor, or virtue.
My eyes roamed the room, not surprised. It was just a messy as I had suspected, and many of his decorations from his room at his home had followed him here. The half of the room that was his roommate's, or Jack as I should call him, was a little neater, if not slightly dorky with sci-fi themed trinkets randomly placed. I took a seat on Josh's side, grateful for the seat by his desk so I wouldn't have to go by his bed.
"So how do you two know Josh?" Jack asked conversationally, coming out of their tiny kitchen with some water bottles and handing us each one.
"I' m his sister," Brooke started before pointedly looking at me.
I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it as I contemplated what to say. Sure we were friends, but that would be a huge understatement. If he introduced me as a friend, would I be offended? Mentally shaking my head, I thought of the safest answer I could think of.
"I'm her best friend."
I ignored Brooke, who looked like she was going face palm, as I took a sip of water.
"So none of you are..." he began, before motioning around with his two pointer fingers.
I blushed profoundly and could feel Brooke boring holes into my skull. Without giving her a chance to respond, I answered a quick "nope" and took yet another sip of water.
"Well do you happen to know the girl he is so obsessed with?"
My eyes nearly bugged out of my head and I could hear Brooke choke a bit on her water. Unable to really move or think, I heard Brooke croak out a weak "what?"
Jack sighed, seemingly oblivious to our reactions.
"Well I mean, I don't know much about her, just that she's from before he got here. Swear he doesn't even see any other girls as he goes to class. And trust me, some of the girls are the type any guy dreams about seeing. I also know he saw her over winter break, because when he got back he was rambling on and on about her. I mean at first, to be honest, I just thought he was-"
Jack was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. I was so shocked by the information I got, I almost didn't catch way Jack said.
"Hey Josh, your sister and that girl Delilah you're practically in love with are here. I'm going to head out now."
My eyes shot up to see Jack flash us a sly grin and slip out the door and suddenly I'm seeing bright blue eyes. Oh. Well. Oh.
Josh cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. I tried coming up with something to say, but was saved by the blur of Brooke rushing past me and onto him in what looked like a bone crushing hug.
My heart softened and nerves calmed at the sound of his laughter at her hug, and as she released him from her grip, I found myself going towards him and giving him a hug of my own, though slightly less bone crushing and a bit longer. I fought back a sigh as his arms enveloped me, warming me up from head to toes, inside and out. When we separated, I noticed Brooke had disappeared.
I cleared my throat as I took a few steps back and leaned against his bed, trying to avoid his look of confusion and slight hurt. Before I could say anything, Josh was on me again, except this time, his mouth was on my own and his hands on my hips.
So maybe Brooke was right to leave, I thought as my eyes fluttered closed and my own arms wrap around his neck. As air became a necessity, we broke apart, but as Josh moved to kiss me again, I murmured the words that had been plaguing my mind since the beginning of the road trip.
"I got accepted to NYU."
Josh froze suddenly, and I widened my eyes at my outburst. I was most definitely not planning on telling him like this. Taking a step back, he looked me in the eyes, studying me for a moment, before lifting me into his arms and spinning me around. I know he's saying things, good things, but its drowned by my relief and laughter and the fact that now my heart was going through an identity crisis because it was soaring like a bird and by time he puts me down, I have the biggest smile on my face.
"You didn't even tell me you applied!" he exclaimed, pressing his lips against my forehead.
"Yeah well I wasn't sure how'd you react," I explained. "With us not being in a relationship, except we kind of are but we're actually not; that's pretty confusing for a girl."
"Well I'd like to think we are," he said nonchalantly. "Heck sometimes I'm under the impression that I love you."
And then it was my turn to freeze. Because in all the ways and scenarios I imagined this conversation going, that was not one of them.
"Oh," I so brilliantly articulated. "Well that's funny because Brooke seems to be under the impression that I'm in love with you too."
Good job there Delilah. Use Brooke to explain how you might love him. Smooth.
Josh, however, didn't seem to mind.
"Well Brooke has been wrong about things in the past," he teased, bringing me a bit closer.
"She is pretty smart though," I quickly responded. "She did get accepted into Columbia and all."
He chuckled, before kissing me again, except this time more gentle and intense. I felt my knees weaken and as the half of my brain that was still working berated my body for acting so cliche, Josh whispered against my lips the words I've been avoiding from Brooke for a long time.
"I love you."
Now I would be lying if I said that at that moment I cried, or screamed or shouted. I would be lying if I said from that day on, Josh and I never had a fight, there were never any hard time, times where we both wanted to give up. I would be lying if I said it was easy and perfect. But I would most definitely be lying if I said I'd change any of it.
"I love you, too" I replied.
And maybe it was okay for my heart and brain to disagree on what was right and who was fat or a bird or in control or cliche. Because right about now, the only thing I'm listening to is the sound of Josh's beating heart as my head rests against his chest. And for right now, that's all I need.
So. Yeah. No explanation. I just hope I don't die. Because there really isn't an excuse for this. I had doubts if I should even update this because I don't think its really fair you guys waited so long. And if you left, honestly, no hard feelings. I'm really sorry.
SO in other news, I am alive. And now DONE with this story. This is it. The end. I really am quite pleased to be done with it, and I'm fine with how it came out. I will probably work on another story, but plan on sporadic updating such as this if I do. Again super sorry. Please forgive! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING I'M BAD AT THE AUTHORS NOTES. You all are wonderful.