This is a challenge from skowawards I tried out.

#8 With Bite


1) Must be a one-shot, Minimum 1000 words.

2) Plot: Protagonist wandering around in a club, meets someone, they flirt, then dance, and the person bites protagonist. You can take it from there.

3) Must have the quote, "Did you just bite me?" and/or "Not cool to go around biting strangers!"

4) Must involve a cookie. Of some sort.

5) Large doses of humor. (I tried, maybe failed, I think the second half is better.)

And I only just read that over and realised I read it wrong.
I thought it said maximum 1000 words. So now I feel like a weirdo. It was a much harder challenge this way though. So yeah, enjoy…

"Cookie, did you really think you could hide from me all night looking as tasty as you do?"

I looked towards the voice, expecting to find some cocky arrogant asshole. Instead my face lights up upon seeing him.

No donkey-smirking, turnip-flushing, fish-sucking, mongrel-warthog, mushroom-breathing, corn-smelling, fucking dickhead greeted my eyes.

He could be much closer described to that of a fluffy bunny: Big round eyes, floppy brown hair, a small mouth, a small nose; one that kept twitching out of nerves.

He looked oddly similar to that virgin I corrupted last month.

"Feeling bold are we today?" I tease. "You're not looking as confident as your words seem to imply."

He frowns a little at my words, mumbling softly, "I tried."

"You failed," I correct with a smile.

This guy is just too cute for words.

Cutie seems to become more comfortable from my slight teasing, because he speaks a little bit louder and a little bit clearer with his next sentences, "I was aiming for confident you know. My mate keeps telling me no pretty girl's going to notice me if I keep acting like a prissy bitch."

His mate is an idiot.

"I don't know, I think more girls than you would think notice you. I for one, think you're quite the cutie."

The bunny's nose twitches again, this time from distaste. "Yeah, 'cutie'," he motions the air around him with quotation marks, "comes under the heading 'prissy bitch' according to my mate."

"Your mate seems like a prissy bitch type pansy if you ask me," I scoff. "Has he given you any other fantastic advice about scoring pretty girls?"

"He might have," cupcake says, flushing slightly (a lot).

This piece of scrumptious eye candy is definitely a virgin.

This sugar cube is definitely coming home with me tonight.

Don't even bother betting against it for it could only result in money loss.

Besides, gambling is a bad habit.

"Do you know what you should do?" I ask suddenly, "Not pay any attention to your friend's advice and just go by your gut feeling."

"My gut feeling," pumpkin murmurs, it comes out more like a question though.

"Yeah, you know, that little body part that usual is described as being punched, but in this case is a cute little ball of energy that tells you what to do in certain situations. Normally this energy ball gives you urges of confidence to do rather confident stuff, like give way to other special urges if you get me," I give him a wink before continuing, "This confidence results in either embarrassing yourself, hurting yourself or others physically and mentally, or having the best time ever and regretting it lately. But really, that's what makes it so fun!"

He looks at me really confused, as he should I guess, thinking back to what I said. It was pretty embarrassing really.

I was just giving a demonstration?

"Yeah, it's probably better you didn't understand what I said. In conclusion, use your gut feeling, it makes everything seem ten times better; really."

He smiles then, stating bluntly, "I like you. You talk faster then I did that time I had to make a presentation about vaginas."

"I like you too buddy," I automatically reply. "I'm still trying to work out whether or not that was a compliment."

"It was," he answers with a nod. "Not everyone has that kind of talent."

Go me! I scored bonus points!

I am pulled away randomly, energetically, enthusiastically, and erotically.

Or rather: randomly a certain energetic blueberry muffin pulls me away to the dance floor implying that we are going dancing. How I ask, can you imply such a thing un-enthusiastically? All these emotions from him are rather exciting from the receiving end, and I am forced to send the sudden erotic images filling my head out of mind's sight.

I am filled with sorrow.

On the plus side, I am going dancing (grinding) with a teddy bear.

My mind always seems to amaze me with its perverted words. Not to mention I sound like a criminal paedophile.

Thinking about it though, all paedophiles are criminals.

Paedophilia is a bad habit.

"Oi, cutie, if you're wanting to make sweet loving with me you could've just asked!"

He faces me, probably checking to see whether I'm serious or not (I most definitely am!), before saying, "I'm giving in to my gut feeling, so shut it and dance."

I shut it, and boy do we dance.

A little swaying here, a little stepping there, a little hip bobbing, a little grinding, a little touching, a little smile, a little looking at that delicious body…

A great big bite on my shoulder.

Oh hell no!

"Not sure if you heard, but it's so not cool going around biting stranger these days!"

He's looking panicked; very panicked… and twitchy.

He looks so panicked I'm started to feel sorry for the little puppy. The look on his face probably isn't helping.

"Start talking mister."

"Okay, so you know how you were talking about going with my gut feeling?" It's all coming out as a rush, so I don't have time to answer any way. "Well my gut feeling kept bringing me back to what my horoscope told me this morning."

"You read horoscopes?" I lift an eyebrow.

He looks embarrased, and I have my answer.

"What was the horoscope?" By now I am plain curious. What type of horoscope tells you to bite people?

"Today you will meet someone special and be nervous. Take those nerves, turn it into a cookie, and bite it in the bum," he recites. "I thought the bum would be impolite though, so I bit you on the shoulder."

That was completely insane, not to mention weird, but oh so incredibly sweet.

I think I'm in love.

"What star sign are you?"


"Well in that case…"

I bite him.

On the mouth.

(986 words)(I think) Tell me what you think? Pretty pretty please? Was it entertaining, a waste of space, absolutely ridiculous, absolutely ridicululously entertaining, funny, rushed, too dramatic, too weird, not dramatic enough, not weird enough (though I doubt it) yada yada yada?

-I'm cool with one word reviews if you're cool with it.

Yeah, tell me.

If you liked this at all, check out my other one-shot 'You Got Boobs!' as I think it's sort of based on the same humour, though in a more making-sense way. :)