Twice the lover
I can feel her fingers moving over my skin. She's trying to remember every little inch of my face. I know why. I will have to leave her soon. I love her and I know she loves me but I'm married and not to her. My wife is gorgeous and very caring, she's the most important person in my life. That doesn't meant I don't love HER. She is gorgeous in another way. Caring, loving, gentle, but she can also be wild and she's always full of life.
I pretend to wake up by letting my eyelids flutter a few times, then my eyes focus on hers.
"Good morning handsome." She says and kisses me on the forehead.
"Good morning beautiful" And she really is. Even in the mornings with no make up on and her hair all over the place she still looks beautiful. But so does my wife, and neither of them believe me when I tell them.
"You will have to go again soon, right?"
"Yeah." I sigh and I can't help but feel guilty. I love her but I can't give her what she wants.
"I don't want you to go..."
"I know but you know that I have to. I shouldn't even be here right now." Instead I should be lying next to my wife.
She's lying her head on my chest and her fingers start drawing patterns on my skin. We're both naked, our clothes are scattered around the room, ripped off in the throws of our passion last night. There are only two things adorning our naked bodies. My wedding ring and the necklace I have given her. It's tickling my chest because of her lying half on top of me.
"What time is it, babe?" I ask.
"Don't know and don't want to know..."
"Don't make it harder for us both."
"You can't go." She whispers.
"I have to." I whisper back and to prove my point I gently push her away from me and try to get up. I only manage to sit up in bed with my feet hanging over the side of the bed though. She's being clingy, her arms wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my back.
"When will you be back?"
"I don't know. Maybe never. You know my situation."
"Yeah I know that you are married and don't have much privacy because of your job and the attention it comes with. But I love you and need you..."
"I need and love you too you know that. Otherwise I wouldn't come here anymore." I lean back against her, my hands lying over hers.
"I know. I'm grateful for every minute that we spent together but I want more. This makes me kinda selfish I know but you've just become so very important to me."
"Oh babe..." I turn around on the bed to face her. "Why did you have to say that? I do very much love you, you know that. But, being honest, if I had to choose we both know what that decision would look like. I need you and love you very much. I care for you a lot but I am married to the woman who is my life." I'm stroking her cheek now, trying to comfort her. I don't want to leave her and I don't ever want to have to let her go but I know the time will come. I know, in truth she isn't selfish for wanting me to herself. It is me who is selfish for keeping her. I know and yet, I can't find the strength to walk away.
"I know you've been with her for ages already and you've been friends before getting together but it's just not fair."
"I know baby. I really don't want to go but we both know I have to."
"Yeah I know... Oh, I hate goodbyes."
"Me too babe. But I really have to go now." I remove her hands from around my waist and get up. I get dressed quickly. I hate having to say goodbye, especially because I never know when or even if I'll be back. When I'm done I go over to the bed. She's still lying there, watching my every move. I kneel down, beside the bed, facing her. I move in to kiss her; her lips feel ever so soft against mine. The kiss isn't very passionate; it's more about affection, showing her how much she means to me. When we break apart our eyes lock. We stay that way for a moment, the only movement being my hand stroking her cheek. After a minute or two like that I lean forward and kiss her on the forehead. Then I pull away, get up and leave the room.
I make my way out of the building and towards my car. Once inside I rest my head against the steering wheel. I can feel tears at the back of my eyes. They are threatening to fall but I fight them. After a few minutes like that I have my composure back and start the engine.
I pull out of the parking space and make my way home. Home to my wife, who will be waiting for me, delighted to see me again after a long separation. As I will be delighted to see her, it really has been too long this time.