"I'm sorry."
I watched him utter those two words desperately, like they were going to change a damned thing. I only snorted, putting on my mask while wrapping my arms around my chest. It felt like it was ripping in two.
"Don't lie." I sank my teeth deep into my cheeks to stop the onslaught of tears, not caring about the faint taste of blood that filled my mouth.
His deep amber eyes sought mine, but I was staring beyond him. Thousands of emotions were coursing through me at once. Anger, fear, rejection…but mostly I just felt lonely and confused. I wanted to know what I had done to deserve this, I wanted to know why I wasn't good enough anymore…
"…I love you…" I whimpered, mostly under my breath, knowing again that no amount of words could fix this moment. Nothing was going to change.
I thought I heard his breath catch, but later I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on my heart. "I'm sorry, but I can't say the same anymore. It's just not there…nothing is. I feel dead on the inside…"
Each word he spoke was a knife to my chest, and it was tearing me to shreds. I bit my cheeks harder, scoffing to myself when the tears began to fall despite my best efforts to hold them back. "You used me…" I had meant the words in anger, but they came out as pathetic sobs, each separated to the point of being staccato.
He didn't reach for me like he would have in the past. He didn't try to comfort me. He merely shrugged and said, "It wasn't my intention. I just, had to stop leading you on."
My breathing was ragged, and I knew he could tell. I just hoped he had the decency to ignore it. "Then…what was last weekend about?" I asked, knowing again that it was a whimper; I was close to tears that my voice had begun to rise steadily.
I don't know if he was looking at me, or even in my direction, but when he spoke it sounded like he was getting bored of the conversation. "I tried to force something that wasn't there anymore. I'm sorry."
I growled and rolled my eyes so dramatically that my head turned with them. Those two fucking useless words were the worst thing he could have possibly said. "I hate you…"
"Good." He sighed, looking up at the darkening sky with that damn bored expression of his. "Whelp, with that I think I'm going to go." I stared at him, feeling the anger begin to course through me, over running the other emotions that had been present.
"You think you just get to leave?" I was sobbing to hard that it came out as a scream; my voice hoarse with the onslaught of tears that had yet to fall in earnest. "You think you get to do this to me and just walk away? Three years! We were together for three fucking years!" My nails dug harshly into my sides, my fear of my chest ripping was growing ever more present with my anger.
He dropped his gaze from the sky to my eyes, and then the bastard smirked, cocking his head to the side in a mocking fashion. "Yes, I do think that. You hate me, remember?" His voice was just as mocking as his face.
The muscles of my face were twitching. It was torn between the anger, disbelief and pure horror of this moment. The caramel colored man in front of me had been my life, my virginity…my everything.
"Leave." I tore my eyes away then turned my body away from him. "Leave me alone." I breathed in a ragged breath. "And don't ever come back." I choked.
He didn't respond, and when I peeked over, his was long gone.
I can't find words to properly explain what happened next. I fell to my knees, sobbing so hard it hurt to cry, to sit there, to fucking breathe. My chest hurt physically because of the emotional pain there. I could almost hear the crashing around me of my life, to shatters of it seeming to mock me as they landed.
I don't know how long I sat there on that park path. I knew several people had walked by, speeding up casually when going around me, not one asking why there was a frantically sobbing college student making a scene.
Eventually, nothing was coming out though, not even noise; just harsh bursts of breath, breaking my stillness. My eyes hurt, my chest was killing me…and now there was a dull throb that had joined the sharp stabs in my torso.
When I managed to open my eyes it was pitch black, the only light coming from a far off light that I couldn't see but knew was there from memory. I needed to get back to my dorm, I'm sure my roommate was concerned. But, as I started to stand my knees buckled and I landed harshly on my front.
I guess a little bit longer wouldn't hurt.
AN: Hi guys, for anyone who follows my other stories. DPLTLP hasn't been abandoned. I just…haven't had it in me to write a romance. Between school, and my break up it was hard to get up in the morning for a long time. It still is sometimes even through it's been almost a year. I know that's pathetic, but I'm hoping that if I go through my documents and finish as many of these kind of stories that I started all those months ago that I feel worthy of finishing that I will feel better and begin again. Life is not something to sit and waste pining over people.