2You Are My Yesterday
Posted: Tue, Jun, 14, 2011, 10:41PM
Gave you the benefit of the doubt
She watched from her dark little corner as he walked out of their room, hair and clothes in disarray with a black haired, blue eyed girl with a body every girl wishes she had.
Maybe it wasn't how it seemed...
Maybe it is something totally innocent...
Maybe...
Till you showed me what you were about
Your true colours came out
She saw him and smiled, she ran to the entrance of their school only to begin to slow down and stop completely when she saw the same girl from the other day come up to him and kiss him.
Maybe he'll push her away, maybe it was only her, maybe she was imagining things...maybe...
He didn't, she watched, frozen, unable to move, as he kissed her back with a smile.
And your words couldn't hide the sin
'Cause the truth about where you've been
Is in a fragrance I can't recognise
She saw him again at lunch, he was with his friends, the girl gone. She sighed quietly before leaving to go outside to sit with her friends, something she hand't done in months.
It wasn't until a half hour into lunch when she received a text, it was him.
Where are you?
She blinked away the tears, he only just noticed she wasn't there. She stared at the text for a while before deciding to ignore it.
Her friends saw, they looked at each other, worried about their friend.
Someone cleared their throat with a forced cough, she looked up to see him, a confused smile on his handsome face. She turned her eyes away. She watched as her friends slowly walked away, every couple of steps looking back at her. Checking to see she was alright.
"Did I do something wrong? Why are you ignoring me?" He asked, as he sat as close to her as possible. She moved away. She could smell the girl on him, she could smell his lies.
"Where were you yesterday?" She asked, with not even a drop of emotion heard in her voice. He quickly turned his head at her, a look of fear passing his features before relaxing to forced confusion.
"I was in our room, like I told you" he replied coolly.
"Who was with you would be a better question, wouldn't it" she replied staring at him right in the eyes. His eye twitched as it always did when he was nervous.
"No one, baby" he said, guilt making its way onto his face.
She shook her head in disappointment before getting up and walking away, without a single look back at him.
Just standing there, scratching your head
Blood shot eyes, drunk with regret
Hanging yourself ten feet over the edge
The third time she saw them together, she actually saw them. She walked into their room, which was where they first meet, a secret room in an abandoned house, where she would go to run from home, from him, it was a secret he had wanted to himself. She walked in on him with the same girl, she walked in on him and the girl ruining the only place she had left, her only happy place. She had come, seeking the comfort the house seemed to bring her, it did until she saw them. She blinked back her tears.
He looked up in a moment of pure joy, when he saw her. He froze, his face going pale as his eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes overflowing with regret. He watched her walk away with a defeated sigh.
His head fell in his hands and he cried.
She knew...
I'm done with this, feeling like an idiot
Loving you, I'm over it
I just don't love you, don't love you no more
She saw him later that week. She had gone to their room, as a goodbye visit.
He was there.
She turned to leave, she couldn't deal with him. He saw her and ran after her, he caught her before she left the house. Begging, screaming and crying, the same thing over and over.
"I love you, I'm sorry, baby please forgive me. Give me another chance, don't give up on me..."
She'd only shake her head sadly before quietly replying.
" It's over, I'm sorry. It was over the second you went to her. Obviously I don't make you happy if you go to her. And honestly? I'm done loving you, I just don't love you anymore, I couldn't not after this. Bye" She closed her eyes and kissed his cheek and he closed his eyes at the feel on her lips on his cheek, knowing it would be for the last time. As she moved her face away from his, his eyes stayed closed. So did hers, when she closed her eyes she couldn't see the lies, unfaithfulness nor the guilt. When she closed her eyes, she could ignore the pain. She opened her eyes and looked at him one last time before shaking off his hold on her and leaving with tears streaming down her eyes.
It was finally over.
You, you are so yesterday
Never thought you'd lose my love this way
Now you come begging me to stay
It wasn't until a month after they had broken up that he came to her. Begging to have her back. He was a mess. He was pale and his hair overgrown. His clothes creased and dirty just like every other day since they broke up. She never saw him with the girl anymore. But it didn't matter, not anymore. She tired to ignore him but it was getting harder. He was on his knees, arms wrapped around her legs as he cried. Begging for her to come back, for another chance.
People stopped to watch, he was making a scene though unintentionally. He wanted her back, the guilt and grief was killing him inside. She wanted to, desperately, but who is to say anything would change he could still...he could still cheat on her. She didn't like that she didn't know. She never used to question him, she trusted him. Now? now she didn't.
Say you, you are so yesterday
Won't let you rain on my parade
Don't wanna hear a thing you say
Three months, three months since they broke up and he wouldn't stop. Wouldn't stop asking her to take him back. Begging her for another chance.
"I won't let you ruin my life, I won't let you remind me, just by being near me, of a relationship that failed because I wasn't good enough. I won't go through that again. Let go." She told him.
So yesterday
She was done, he could keep going but she was finally done.
Baby what you're saying to me is
There's no more you and I
He lay in bed, no longer feeling the ache for her but he felt numb. Though, he couldn't blame her. It was all his fault, he cheated on her. Now they were through. He stared at the picture, on his bedside table. It was them together, like it should be. They were happy, he loved her, still did, but she was so tempting...
He shook his head. Even after they broke up he still thought of the other girl, it made him sick. She had tried to come to his house, his family, spit at her before slamming the door in her face. He wished he hand't done it, he wished he hand't hurt her, most of all...he wished he he was still with her.
She broke up with him, and he couldn't get the thought out of his head, or the words.
Always the same thing, her exact words, repeating themselves in his head.
I couldn't get it right on yesterday
So our kiss tomorrow is goodbye
He watched her with him, he watched her smile, watched her laugh and watched her cry with and for another guy. It was heart breaking. He couldn't breathe the because of the pain.
He ruined it with a mistake, he saw her smile; he closed his eyes so even if for a moment he could fool himself into believing that, that beautiful smile of hers was directed at him. But he knew it wasn't. He thought back to when they broke up, that last kiss, even if it was placed upon his cheek, he would always remember.
Baby love, should've brought me home
Should've just been a man about it
Now I'm crying like a baby
He cried, every night. Just form the thought of her he knew it wouldn't last between them after what he did, he knew he shouldn't care he knew it was over a year ago, but he still loved her, he couldn't let go. She was his. She always will be, whether she knows it or not.
Mine...
Girl your love was like my blanket
Don't know what to do without it
He didn't go to school for a week, each day the same. He would lay all day in bed, staring at the picture of her on his nightstand. So perfect, so beautiful. He felt empty, inside...
He didn't eat, he didn't move. His pain, heartbreaking.
He lay there, in his bed. Reminiscing over that gorgeous smile on her face, one that seemed as if it was only made for him. The way her eyes brightened when she smiled. The way her hair danced around her face when the wind passed by. The way she looked at him when she told him she loved him, just the memory was enough to make him want to die.
When she told him she loved him, he felt warm inside, he felt happy, he felt like his life was complete.
I'm standing here pleading my case
You don't care to hear what I say
He thought back to those days where he would beg, beg her to take him back for her to love him again. To give him another chance. It never worked, it has been over a year and he still loved her with his whole heart. He had no explanation of why he did what he did. Or at least not a good one.
Somewhere along the line she stopped replying, stopped listening.
Hanging yourself ten feet over the edge
She shook her head, trying to escape the words of what his mother said. She wouldn't go back to him, no matter what. She still loved him yes, but it wasn't enough.
My promises don't mean nothing
The end is so disgusting
He felt like his heart broke even more, if possible, when she walked through his door. Her voice, an angelic whisper. He shot up out of his bed, sitting.
'You need to stop doing this. Your scaring everyone.' She said in a broke whisper.
'Even you?' he croaked, his voice unused.
He watched as she swallowed back a sob, bringing up a hand to cover her mouth.
He got up and held the headboard of his bed, his legs felt like jelly. He slowly moved towards her. She watched, but didn't stop him. He grabbed her by her waist and brought her towards him, trapping her in his arms. Hugging her for the first time in over a year. She broke down, her sobs echoing around the room.
'Please...'
I just don't love you, don't love you no more
'I can't' She said, the tears streaming down her face.
'Please...' he begged, hugging her tighter.
'I can't...'
'Why? Is it because of what happened? Please! I'm sorry!' He cried out.
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes.
'I'm in love with someone, and it's not you' she lied.
He let go of her and stepped back in shock, he kept walking back until his legs hit his bed making him fall.
He looked down at his hands.
'Please leave'
She looked at him one last time before leaving.
It was finally over.
You, you are so yesterday
Never thought you'd lose my love this way
He sat there for hours after she left. She didn't love him...she moved on...
If he was honest he hadn't thought of this happening, he wished, hoped, hell he even thought they would get back together and spend everyday making up for all the lost time. For the kisses they missed, the hugs they shared but most of all those days when it would only be them, nothing else. The days that if you were watching through someone else's eyes, would seem like a cliched romance.
Though he now knew it could never be the same, she loved someone else. She moved on...
Now you come begging me to stay
Say you, you are so yesterday
He saw her a few weeks after, she looked smaller, thinner or maybe it was just Imo. There was one thing that hadn't changed, she was still beautiful.
He watched as she talked to her friends, his face, he knew, betrayed no emotion. Inside was a different story, inside he was crying, dying and begging for her to come back, to love him, to pretend it never happened. He knew it would never be like that again. He knew it was time he accepted that, he would try. For her.
Won't let you rain on my parade
Don't wanna hear a thing you say
So yesterday
It had been three full years or at least thats how long it has been since they broke up. He had tried to give up on her but it didn't work, he craved her attention. He watched her with her friends and walking around. He would ask her out everyday and she would reply with a quick, simple yet very painful no.
He waited for her and he would always, they had talked a few times. For a few moments everything would be like it was, she would let loose, stop controlling herself around him. They would talk and laugh, then she would realize who she was talking to and stop, shake her head and give him a small smile before walking away.
Things were slowly getting back on track.
And now you wanna reminisce
(Now I wanna reminisce)
Said you wanna try again
(Said I wanna try again)
She was walking around the mall with her mother when her phone beeped, several times. A message. She looked down at her phone and saw his name. She sighed, he wouldn't stop.
She grabbed the clothes her mother chucked at her to try on and ran-no not ran, she was too mature to run around just because of a text or a couple? - to the change rooms. She dropped everything in her hands onto the small bench in the little room. She back herself to a wall, making her back lean against it as she talked herself into opening the texts.
When she gathered the courage she needed she opened the texts, one after the other, only to after a few minutes slide down the wall onto the floor as tears flooded her eyes.
She wanted to forget what he wrote, only to find that she couldn't.
~Hey,
When I woke up this morning my first thought was of you, same as every morning, except instead of the usual 'I wonder if she'll take me back' 'what can I do for her to forgive me' 'what could I do to make her love me as much as I love her'. Instead it was the memories of when we were together that haunted my morning. One specific memory made me want to laugh and cry together at once.
The day we first went out, I remember how nervous I was. Going out with a girl so beautiful and everything I had planned had gone wrong. The picnic I had planned for weeks was ruined from the surprise attack from the rain. The musical you wanted to watch, was cancelled. As well as the quick trip to my favorite spot in the world. That was ruined too, because by then I was too embarrassed of my failure to show you the next disaster that would more than likely happen.
But then, you asked me to drive you to my house, I did, though I had no idea why you hadn't demanded to go home after such a horrible date.
When we got to my house we had the time of our lives, the street had a blackout as did my house, so we lit flashlights and candles as we made forts from pillows and blankets, we ate cornflakes to replace the meal we were supposed to eat. We spent the night laughing, singing and having fun. Then you turned on the radio and asked me to dance, so we did. It was a slow dance, if you don't remember. We held each other as we danced. With you in my arms I felt like a God.
The night ended with you kissing my cheek before you walked into your house. That night I walked home with a smile on my face, I walked no-I apologize I lied, I skipped! I'm man enough to admit it. I skipped home just from a kiss on the cheek.
I never told you this but, since that day, every time I held you I felt like I was holding a princess, but when I looked in your eyes a princess isn't what I saw. I saw an angel, my angel.
I always believed you were my guardian angel, I still do.
Baby, your the reason I changed. I used to tell you I loved you all the time but I didn't, I liked you a lot, that I knew. I never thought I could love anyone. I went to her because, baby I was scared. I know that isn't an excuse, but I was. Because I started feeling things when you were near, the feelings were so indescribable but I didn't understand. The reason I went to her was because I was scared, I realised that I love you. We were too young to know what love was let alone to know that we were in love. I've changed since you last saw me, that I promise. Let me make it up to you, give me another chance. Fall in love with me again because baby, I never fell out of love with you.
XOXO P.S. I love you. ~
It started with a little kiss
(A kiss)
We can't even be friends
(No no)
She stared at the text, her eyes blurred from the tears. He remembered. She re-read the text for what felt like hours when it had only been half an hour. He remembered
He loved her.
He cheated.
She loves him.
He's lying.
She doesn't care.
He'll hurt her.
She'll stop that from happening.
You let it happen that first time...
She shook her head, fighting her subconscious, totally normal. She press reply and began writing her message, she cried as she did. She felt heartless.
Now I never wanna see you,
Never wanna feel you
Never wanna hear a word
She read through the text one last time, It had been over two hours since she wrote it, she had yet to send it. She looked at it one last time before realising, it wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to tell him that she never wanted to see him again, talk to him or feel his hugs.
She lied for three years. Now she was sitting in a changing room for four hours crying. She had a choice. Forgive and forget or let go.
I don't love you,
Don't need you,
Can't stand you no more
She sent the text before standing up and leaving the change rooms. As she left she remembered something she told him.
'I love someone, and its not you'
Her heart broke at her cold hearted lie.
She looked at her watch, it was time.
He stared at his phone waiting for her to reply, she didn't. He sighed in disappointment though he knew to would be like this. Just as he set his phone down and stood up off his bed to leave the room his phone went off. He dived onto his bed and reached for the phone, it was her.
He smiled so wide it hurt, unintentionally of course. His smile slipped as he read the message. Now he was nervous.
~ We need to talk~
You, you are so yesterday
Never thought you'd lose my love this way
Now you come begging me to stay
He waited for her to arrive at his house, while he waited he paced, while he paced he thought about his texts. They couldn't have been that bad...could they?
He shook his thoughts clear out of his head. He looked down at the scars on his wrists and chuckled bitterly, three years years is a long time, things happen. He covered his wrists, the scars, with the pulled long sleeves from his shirt. He couldn't let her see.
If she did then he'd never have a chance! Then he would always been know as the freak, that is...if he wasn't already.
He pulled at his hair, it was frustrating not knowing what was going on in her head!
He'd beg again if he had to! He loved - sorry no, loves her!
Just as he was about to give up on waiting for her there came a knock at the door.
Say you, you are so yesterday
Won't let you rain on my parade
She walked straight inside when he answered the door. He shook his head with a laugh, at least one thing hasn't changed!
He closed the door and followed her inside, no matter how much she breaks what is left of his heart he would enjoy this, call him a masochist but no matter how much pain she puts him in he would love it just because he loves her.
He walked into his bedroom only to find her sitting on his bed. He rubbed his face with a groan, of all the places. He stood as far as he could just so he wouldn't jump her. It took him a few minutes to realize that she had been talking.
'Uh...sorry, could you repeat that?' He asked.
She rolled her eyes. 'It's because of the bed isn't it?'
He shifted from one foot to the other. 'No...'
'I said that I can't take it anymore, you ruining my life that is.'
He bowed his head in shame, she was unhappy...because of him...
'I go on a date and it would be you I see, not them. I walk around and everything I see reminds me of you. You won't leave me alone! Then theres the fact that no matter how hard I try to stop your name always unintentionally slips from my mouth. You aren't even in my life and your ruining it! It's been three years! So let me ask you this, why won't you stop?' She finished, for now, with tears streaming down her beautiful face.
He walked over to her, crouched and gently wiped away her tears with his thumb.
'I love you too much to let you go, baby I love you, I'm so sorry, what I did was cruel and disgusting but please! We are meant to be together! Please!' he begged, his head buried in her lap. She didn't say anything for a while, only played with his hair.
Don't wanna hear a thing you say
(Don't you hear)
She let go of his hair, grabbing him by his shoulders she pushed him away, making him look up at her.
'You ruined me by going to her, you made me feel worthless, unwanted and unattractive. You made me feel like I wasn't good enough-'
'But I - ' he interrupted. She put a finger to his mouth to shush him.
'I had barely bad self esteem, I still do though not as bad as then. I loved you and you cheated, you went to her! I took me years to figure out nothing was wrong with me, it was you.'
He stopped looking at her. He closed his eyes and bowed his head as the tears came.
'Look at me!'
He looked up.
'I tried to get over you, I dated different guys. Only to find them lacking at least one thing that you had. I couldn't move on. You were too perfect to move on from. You made me cry every night, I lost weight, I wasn't eating properly because of what happened. I cut my hair to my shoulders because I was so depressed and angry. I loved you, you didn't feel the same. Then you wouldn't leave me alone. Asking me out on dates, asking about my day. Sending me texts on how we used to be. It kills me!' She finished, sobbing. Her hands clawing at his sheets.
He pulled her off his bed and hugged her, hugged her tight.
So yesterday, so yesterday
He held her till she quietened down. She hiccuped as she breathed, but that didn't stop her from holding him tight, she missed this.
So yesterday, so yesterday
'I'll stop.' he said. She froze. 'I'll leave you alone, you'll never see me again.' He let go of her and stepped back.
'I - I - I d - don't know - '
He interrupted, 'I'll leave' he walked to her, one hand holding her cheek and the other her waist. He kissed her forehead and she felt his tears.
'Goodbye' he whispered into her ear.
He backed away from her before walking out of his bedroom.
So yesterday, so yesterday
It took her a few minutes to control her sobbing, when she did she ran after him. She looked everywhere. She couldn't find him. She ran to his backyard and saw him. She ran to him and jumped. He fell face first into the grass, off the swing. She laughed. He turned around just watched her. It was a while since she last laughed with or at least at him and this close.
She stopped laughing after a while, her face red and her eyes brighter then he had ever seen them.
They sat up.
He grabbed her hand, just wanting to hold them.
She played with his hands.
'I'm sorry' he whispered, not looking at her.
She used her hand to push up his chin, she made sure he looked at her.
'You hurt me, a lot'
'I'm sorry'
She stopped playing with his hands, only to gasp in surprise.
He looked to see what was wrong and froze, she saw the cuts.
'Why...' she asked in an agonized whisper.
'I hated living without you, so I tried to - '
She stopped him from finishing that sentence by kissing him and kissing him hard. She felt like he was going to disappear if she stopped. He tried to - tried to - she didn't want to finish that sentence. She was lucky he was here.
They pulled apart as they struggled for breath.
He looked at her. 'Does this mean...'
'We can start over, forget everything that happened, a new beginning. If-If you w-want to...' she said hesitantly.
He smiled at her.
'I do'
'I do too' she replied with a smile of her own.
Everything was finally as it should be. They were together again.
End.
A/N So this is a story my friend bugged me into writing -.- (more like blackmailed) and this is unedited, not very descriptive and not as emotional as i wished for it to be. I might one day edit it. Make it more descriptive, make the emotional side of this story stand out more but for now im leaving it before i go insane. Oh and Tee since your such a grammer Nazi im guessing ill be hearing a few 'helpful suggestions' coming out from your side.
The story written was for Tee or i think her name is Tee-Babes on here :)
Oh and if by chance a certain guy reads this story, the stalker -.-, L**th well all i can say now is...i loathe you.
Kk thanks bye. :P
Oh and the lyrics is from the song 'So Yesterday' by Conor Maynard.