Story of my life
I have no close friends I can talk to. The ones who follow me around are nothing but clingy, annoying people. I don't consider them my friends. I'm their back up plan when nothing goes right. Yea turn to me when you have no one to turn to. Fuck off. Do you think I actually enjoy this? Well first off, no, I don't. I hate your sorry little gestures of hello, and honestly, I don't speak Spanish, so cut the fucking "hola's" every morning. No, I'm not going to tell you what I got in math just so you can feel good about yourself for getting 99.99%. Honestly, I could care less. Oh, and just because I'm Asian doesn't make me smart. Stop your fucking stereotyping. I know I'm not that smart academically, but at least I understand what "fuck off" means. Please, you're nothing but a pathetic bitch with no friends who turns to cling on to me.
You probably don't remember in grade 6 where you made fun of me for liking something. You don't know how much that hurt. You and your little popular posse made fun of me, and do you think I'll forgive you? Did you think that I'd forget? Oh then grade 7 hit. You had to leave your friends to come to this new school. I was the only one in class that you knew, so you started talking to me, because you had no friends to talk to. So I was the little "consolation prize" because the first place was gone. Now, whenever I bring up that issue, you say, "yea I completely understand" and nod your little head. Newsflash, you don't. You were one of my tormentors, so how would you know? You don't. Cut it out. I'm fed up. I have no friends. I'm just another sorry loser who hides from her fears and takes it out on a word document. That's right. I don't do well academically. I have enough shit going on at home, my parents always yelling at me, telling me, "you'll never be good enough," do you think that I have no problems? And you complain all the time about stuff that goes on at school, and about your 97 average? Do you know that it kills me inside?
I cry in the bathroom for 3 hours straight because of life. I'll never be good enough; I'll never be able to meet anyone's expectations. I have enough shit going on. I have 2 people who I can talk to honestly. He's always there to listen to me rant when we're chatting online. He understands, because his problems are similar to mine. He's like the best friend/brother that I never had. Then there's him. He listens too. He always says motivating words towards me when I'm done. He understands some things too, and is always there to cheer you up. I find it ironic how the two people who actually understand me aren't even girls. I thought I'd be closer to people of the same gender, turns out I'm not. They don't understand. How come the guys understand my problems better? It's not fair. I want someone I can talk to all the time, at school, and at home. Just talking online and then ignoring each other at school is nothing. Life would be so much easier if I didn't actually have to participate. I write to release anger. I write happy stories about others. I write about my dream life.
I can't go on like this anymore. I'm tired and sick of it all. I wish that I can fast forward to the end of life, and get it over with. You know right now, dying doesn't seem so bad.