"Leave a bar with someone beautiful and then become a scene so hideous. There wasn't a coroner who could stomach going into the room. A lot of them quit after stepping onto your murder scene. How does it feel to be like one of the great artist? Famous, postmortem."
I remember now I was tortured for hours before I finally died. I never thought of death as a form of mercy, but I also never thought I'd go home with a monster. Maybe I should have been more open-minded. Right, some wise guy was making a funny out of my predicament. "Hey asshole! Show yourself!" The room? The place I was in was pretty dark, or maybe I still didn't have my eyes. I think I was on the fast track to finding out.
Floating voice said, "I like your spirit, most people aren't so…" There was a slight pause. "What's the word I'm looking for? Ah yes, lively after dying. The first things out there holes are usually questions. You are giving commands, I like that. Allow me to introduce myself…" There was another pause, it was much longer. I don't know how time works now but it felt like five minutes. "Sorry, it is probably for the best I just show you."
All of a sudden I was sitting at a table at a nice restaurant. Red tablecloth, black carpets, candle chandelier thingies, and red walls. It was simple somewhat spacious. It felt like I was on one of those, 'We're eating out but I bought out the whole restaurant so we don't see anyone else eating, so we could've just stayed home kind of dates.' Sitting across from me was a thirty year old man in a snazzy suit.
It was all black. The jacket, the vest, the button up shirt, all black, not the tie. The tie was white.
He had his hands clasped; he was staring into my eyes like he was probing my soul. Then finally he spoke.
"I have many names, let us just go with Lucifer."
Not only did I die but I went to hell, great. I was expecting to hear screams and see flashes of lightning when he said his name. I probably watched way too much TV while I was alive. "Hopefully you don't take this the wrong way, I sort of thought you would be a bit more impressive. Be a bit more good looking, scary, all of the above. Not trying to be disrespectful or anything, a good relationship is an honest one."
Lucifer: "Hahahaha." He was tearing from the laughing. Impressed by this mortal, he was so impressed that he wanted the mortals tongue. "It has been quite some time since someone had the nerve to talk to me like that. I'm so moved that I'll cut out your tongue the old fashioned way."
I said, "Nonsense. You're way too busy. Don't bother yourself with the likes of me." There was a twinkle in his eye, like he was remembering the last time he did things this way. He was looking way too happy, like a lumberjack that just got a state of the art chainsaw. The type of chainsaw that chops other chainsaws in half and makes katanas look like oversized butter knives. I thought I knew true pain before, but somehow meeting the devil made me think I might get reeducated on this pain subject. "Tell you what, I took up a lot of your time as it is, I'll just let myself out. Nice meeting you." I tried to run, had a feeling it was futile, but accepting fate isn't a strong point of humans.
Next thing I knew I was on a torture rack. "Seeing as I liked you I was considering making it quick. Then again it would be a real shame not to hear some screams first. Looks like you are going to become a masterpiece again." He had such a sinister smile, that one smile left no doubt in my mind. The pain I felt while I was alive was going to be comparable to a mosquito bite after this.