Two Words

I always knew that You had all the answers. I knew that You had composed a Masterpiece; the ultimate Plan. And I knew that I just couldn't live without it. You had information; knowledge, and I wasn't about to let You keep it all to Yourself. See, I'm afraid of the Dark. I'm afraid of what is hiding there, what can't be seen. I'm afraid of what is probably hiding there; beyond the reach of my senses. What I have overlooked, and is now creeping along behind me.

Your Plan would chase away my fears. It would tell me where to go, what to do, and warn me of what I can't see. With Your Plan, I wouldn't have to be afraid of the Dark. The Unknown would cease to exist. All the cards would be on the table, as it were, and I would know. I would know.

I tried to please You. I followed the rules to the letter, I was careful to do everything right. And it worked, for a while at least. There was just one problem.

I missed the most important factor.

But I was admired and respected; people looked up to me for my diligence and my devotion. They couldn't see through my artful disguise. I fooled them. They believed exactly what I wanted them to believe. I was Good. I even fooled myself, for a time. And what's more, by that point, I deserved to know; You were obliged to tell me, to reveal Your Plan, it was only fair.

And so, with my reasons and my justifications close at hand, I knelt in Your House, and I prayed. I prayed for a long time. I told myself to be patient, that You would show me Your Plan. When I found that no amount of prayer would help me reach my goal, I changed tactics: I begged. I threw myself before You with pompous humility, I wept till all my tears were wasted. But You weren't swayed. You've seen every ulterior motive since Adam blamed his wife, every hidden agenda since the beginning of time. I was using an old trick.

I wasn't about to give up, though. No, I needed that Plan. I needed to know, I needed a roadmap. I shouted from mountain tops, I was going to make You listen. "Look at what I've done for You! I followed You, served You. And how do You repay me? You refuse to give me what I ask for!"

I rebuked. I screamed and cursed. Somewhere, at some point, I had misunderstood. I didn't realize who You were, what You'd done, and now I was angry. Angry that You had denied me Your Plan. Angry that I hadn't gotten what I wanted.

I gave up. It hadn't worked, and I had no more ideas, no more schemes. I was disappointed in myself, for failing. But even more intense was my disappointment in You, for failing me. I turned my face away from You.

"I guess You don't love me as much as I thought You did." I accused bitterly.

That was when You finally spoke. You whispered two words into the silent turmoil of my mind.

"Trust me."