You all know the story of Cinderella and the fairy godmother that sent her off to the ball, well, I'm that fairy godmother. And you might know Cinderella's story, but you don't know mine. Everyone thinks I'm a happy old lady fairy with wings that sings "bippity boppity boo" while casting spells to help people claim their "happily ever after". To tell you the truth, I do help people, but it's always by accident because my plan backfires and they end up happy. You see, I have a criminal record, but that's not the important part. The criminal record that got me put in jail was for something minor, the police actually think robbing a bank is a serious crime. It's not my fault that the bank was low on security and chose to not give me a loan to add a torture chamber, um I mean "guest bedroom", onto my house. Anyways, it's not the record that's the important part, it's who I met in jail while doing time for my so called crime.
My cell mate was this wolf, that's right THE big bad wolf from all the stories. Did they really only have to tell the stories from the "victims" point of view? Helloooo, we have our side too. He was there for eating pigs. Seriously? They don't know a serious crime at all. In the cell across from us I met these 7 short old men, I think they had dwarfism disease or something, but anyway they were in the drug dealing business. They didn't do any drugs, but they did sell them. They ran the biggest drug cartel for years until their new recruit, nicknamed Dopey, started doing the inventory and got them all caught. You don't know how mad Doc and Grumpy, the leaders of the group, got.
That's how we all met. Since their crimes were smaller than robbing a bank, and I might've under exaggerated by not telling you that it was the largest bank in the kingdom that I robbed, they didn't have to go through the process of becoming a fairy godparent. I wasn't always a fairy, it was on the required terms of my probation to do this and help at least one person. I just had to earn my wings, but they really should work on the whole this person's a criminal you really shouldn't give them magical powers thing because now I have wings, magic, and a new group. I guess you can say that I am grateful for that much. You'd think the police would learn, but they seriously do not have a clue what they are doing. After all their leaders are a gingerbread man and a wooden puppet.
To continue on with my tale, we all met up after I got off of my probation. I did the "happily ever after" part of my job, but what was really supposed to happen was that my magic failed and didn't last to midnight which would have made the pumpkin close on her, well that didn't work. So I settled for letting her get married and be happy, for a little. Then, I put a spell on the prince to murder her and marry her evil stepmother, whom I happen to like quite a lot. The way she treated that girl, it filled me with a tingly feeling. Though the original plan backfired, at least it got my probation officer off my back. She had no clue that my magic had anything to do with Cinderella's murder! Stupid! I have to say this again, those people have no clue what they're doing! They make it easy for us!
So, we met up after the whole Cinderella-probation thing and we plotted. The wolf scouted the woods for victims. Once he found one, I made the plan. The brains of the operation, that's what I am. The victim that the wolf pointed out was one that was resistant to magic. She wore a red hood that protected her from it, so we found a different way to get to her. She had a grandmother she was going to visit and I, being me, let the wolf eat the granny. We used my magic to make him look like her. The plan was perfect, but like my magic always does, it wore off. She recognized him and my former cell mate, my new partner in crime, was killed.
It didn't take me long to move on though. I got my other partners, the 7 dwarves. And I've already found a new target. I saw her walking in the woods while I was watching little red go into the cottage. From what I've seen, I'm going to call the next target Snow White. She's wandering alone in the woods and she looks desperately lost and vulnerable. Easy target. She definitely will be willing to trust anyone she crosses paths with in the woods, especially one with a place to stay. And I knew just the cottage to use that was recently vacated and abandoned. Little Red's grandmother's cottage was unoccupied and empty at the moment. The perfect trap. All I have to do is get her close enough to the cottage to see that there's life in it that can "help".
Well you all know this story as well I presume. But if you don't here's a quick recap. Snow White was in the woods alone, but I don't know why. Come on you don't expect me to know EVERY detail. I'm expecting you to know it since you chose to read this story. Well anyway, she was in the woods alone and stumbled along a little cottage in the woods "accidentally", well I did help with a little magic, but she doesn't know that. In fact, she still doesn't know I was involved. In the cottage she found were 7 short guys, and yes they were the dwarves, the drug dealer dwarves. They all acted the way their names described, except for Dopey, he acted his name in a different way because he earned his name from the drugs, which he was having a withdrawal from. When the Prince came in the woods one day it threw the whole plan out of whack. We had to speed it up and kill her that night, but she left with the prince before we could. However, not before she found out about the dwarves planning on killing her. She ended up striking a deal with them, they don't go to jail for attempted murder if they become her slaves. Who knew that the sweet, gentle girl would have a need and desire for slaves?
They got off the easiest of the group. The only ones that get to stay alive, for now anyway. Who's to tell the future? Certainly not me, especially since I won't be alive to see it. Yeah, that's one thing I almost forgot to tell you. I got caught in another crime/murder. I used my magic a while back to change this one guy into a beast, a wolf-like animal. Hideous. It enjoyed me to make him suffer, but then...she came along. Belle? I think it was. She ruined my enjoyment of his pain. I like watching people suffer. My logical explanation? Kill the happiness. And, since the members of my team were now dead, I decided to go back to my roots, a solo mission. Although my magic was running low and my wings could barely lift me off the ground anymore from the weight I'd gained, so it made this job near impossible for me to do. If it was a few years earlier I would've been able to pull the job off no problem, but that wasn't the case. I woke the candlestick fellow when I landed on the floor after my wings gave out. He then woke the teapot and had her wake the beast, who would've preferred to kill me himself, but didn't want to leave Belle to go to jail for murder. He ended up handed me over to the police and that's when they found out about my other crimes.
So here I am now, awaiting the hand to strike 12 for my death. I don't regret anything I've done. I just wish that I would've been better and had not gotten caught. But since I have I shall accept my death and take it with a smirk and an icy glare. These are my last words that shall ever be heard: It's my time to die and since I laughed at everyone else's pain, you can laugh at my death, but it must not be mistaken for pain or weakness. No more fairy tales to be told without me around with my hidden agendas to stir up some behind the scene "accidents". No happy ending to this fairy tale. Not one happy ending for anyone, except maybe Belle and the Beast. Goodbye world. It's now the end of this story and the end of my life.