Summary: Mark would see to it that Sean, 'Professional' Dog-Walker and his own personal nightmare, never came near his front lawn again. Too bad Sean finds out that Mark's bark is far worse than his bite. M/M.

A/N: I honestly don't know why, but I have a good feeling about this one. Probably because it was one of those ideas that pop into your head and you just HAVE to get it down right away. Last time that happened, the story turned out pretty good (- shameless advertising for DS2yD) Not the first chapter necessarily, but where this is going… if I could type faster I could let you all read it now.

title comes from shakespeare

So i had to write it down so badly that I neglected my other stories. so that is my excuse for any readers who're also reading straight2urdoor.

Sun Tzu wrote the art of war, in case anyone was wondering.

The Dogs of War

Chapter 1

"He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not, will be victorious."

Sun Tzu

Tuesday, 05:20 Hours

Mark glances down at his watch, tapping his foot impatiently. 5:20 am. Good. Good. He had two minutes left before he needed to be in position.

Today was the day. He had set his alarm early specifically for this.

He paces to window and back in anticipation.

Tuesday, 05:21 Hours

Mark smirks, eye twitching.

They were coming.

Tuesday, 5:22am

In the second story window of 7130 Oak Knoll Terrace, a solitary blind shifts upward, unnoticed by the residents of Salisbury.

Tuesday, 05:23 Hours

Mark peers through the blinds, watching as the suspects approach.

He shivers in fear. Those beasts shouldn't be allowed on the streets.

And there was their leader. Mark was not fooled by his friendly appearance and nonchalant attitude. That man was the one to blame for his misfortunes. For all the literal shit he had to put up with.

He would finally prove it was that miscreant's fault for the destruction of his property.

He would have his retribution.

Wednesday, Bloody Early

Sean yawns loudly, stumbling down the sidewalk after Max, Gracie, Buddy, Molly, and Luke.

"Calm down you guys." He mumbles tiredly.

Sean rolls his eyes as Max pants heavily, trying unsuccessfully to race ahead of the group.

"Maybe if you didn't pull so hard, you wouldn't choke."

Luke, an overweight yellow lab, ambles along slightly behind Sean. He was heavy enough to prevent the group from moving any faster than his own pace, which was usually some variation of agonizingly slow.

The combination of Luke, Gracie, who felt the need to stop and sniff almost any object, and Buddy, who felt the need to stop and piss on almost any surface, made it nearly impossible to get anywhere on their walks.

Yet again, the group comes to a halt as Molly squats to use the bathroom.

"Good girl, Molly." Sean coos while bending down to untangle all the leashes.

"Excuse me!"

"Shit!" Sean yelps, falling backwards onto the sidewalk and looking around in bewilderment.

It takes him a moment to notice the pale man standing on the steps to the house in front of which Sean had stopped.

Sean stands up, rubbing his butt and squinting inquisitively out of one eye at the scrawny man.

"Sorry for cursing, dude. You scared me. I didn't realize anyone was there."

"Obviously not." The man replies scathingly. Sean winces, taken aback by the angry tone.

"Well…" Sean begins awkwardly, turning to leave.

"Obviously not!" The man calls out, halting Sean's movement. "I highly doubt you would be letting your dog defecate wherever it pleased if you had!"

Sean grimaces. He knows he's supposed to pick up after the dogs, but doing that shit day after day gets old. He'd given up on picking up those messes less than a month after starting the job.

"I'm really sorry. I promise, it won't happen again."

"Well... then…" The man looks incredulous, as if the whole confrontation had ended too easily.

"Well?" Sean prompts.

"Then... that's good then." The man says cautiously.

"Yep, it's all good. Right! I'll just be going now."

Sean escapes as swiftly as Luke's chubby legs would allow.

"What a freak, eh Max?"

Wednesday, 05:31 Hours

Mark watches the man lead the loathsome creatures away, talking amicably to them as he went.

"What a freak." Mark mutters, slamming the door behind him.

Thursday, 05:22 Hours

Mark peers out the window, waiting for his living nightmare to arrive.

The shabby, unkempt, dog-loving freak finally appears, glancing up at Mark's window before pulling the dogs out onto the street.

Mark jumps back, dropping the blind, his heart racing. Had the other man seen him watching?

No, there was no way.

He was just being paranoid.

Mark peeks out once more. Good. The group of drooling mongrels had passed.

15 Days Later, Friday, 07:25 Hours

"Shit!" Mark curses, dropping the newspaper in horror.


Fresh dog shit on his lawn.

Monday, When Sane People Are Sleeping

"You!" A familiar voice shouts angrily.

Sean flinches, looking around to locate its source. Oh, it was that guy.

"Me?" Sean replies hesitantly, hoping that maybe there was another person nearby who just happened to be awake at such a god-awful hour.

"You've been letting your stupid canines leave their excrement all over my yard again."

"Sorry, dude." Sean calls back, finding it difficult to feel bad when the man was so hostile and rude.

"I don't need empty apologies. I need you to stay off my lawn."

"Alright. I'll try."

"Try?" Sean watches the other man clench his fists angrily. Talk about high-strung.


"What do you mean, try?"

"You know, try. It's hard to control these guys you know."

"If they're so uncontrollable, then perhaps Animal Control should have them put down."

"Hey!" Sean shouts back, offended, but the other man had already retreated inside, slamming the door shut behind him.