Warning: My ridicules and sarcastic humor, strong language. ( Thinks that it's for this chapter. :D )
A/U: Hope you enjoy! :D And please do comment, if you like.
Dear Journal- argh! Scratch that! It's a fucking diary! - Info? 09 - 11/SEP/11
I don't really know what to write nor do I know how I should write. It's wasn't really voluntarily, I lost a bet! And this ridiculous shit is my damn punishment. So now I have to go all twilight, and get in touch with my feelings and shit. Can you hear just how happy that makes me.
Okay, it all started because my best friend and I made a bet, the winner got to choose the loser's punishment. And I was sure I couldn't lose, I mean come on. Why else would I ever make a bet? But how wrong I was. . .
We had colored another friend's hair green with pink at the tips. And the day after, at school, we were going to see if anyone commented on the hair.
I was sure no one would comment on the hair, and my friend was sure that they would, that's why it had ended up as a bet. Just so that this makes sense, my school is kind of fucked up. People with that kind of hair are a common, ever day kind of thing. We're talking about so common, that if you took a stereotype cheerleader and put her into my school, she would be a poster on a wall, and not a person. Wait, no we don't have those kinds of posters, only if she was on an advertisement poster for a horror or zombie movie, then maybe.
Damn it! Anyway the point was that, I was so sure that no one would say anything, they usually never do. But how the hell should I had known that, of all days our teacher had to be sick and instead of just canceling the class, we had a substitute teacher- with this being their first time to have ever had a class at our school. Seriously what are the chances of that! It never happens!
And off all people he had to ask about their hair, it had to be my friend's hair. I mean, come on! Tons of other students have colored hair! He could had asked one of them, but NOOO! He just had to ask my friend, "What the heck happened to your hair?". Yeah, that was so hilarious. . . NOT!
So just like that, I lost the bet. And just to make this shit worse, I have to post it online, ONLINE! It's really killing my pride . . . but on the other hand, going back on my word, would definitely kill me.
Man, I can't believe I'm doing this! You have got to understand that this is weird and new to me. Writing about myself, about what I feel and think, what my dreams are like, and so on.
But, I can start with telling you about my family, so you don't get too confused later on. I live with my parents and my dog + 1 pup, in a big house and when I say big, I mean huge. It has room for like 2 families! Not that it's really that weird because my grandparents, on my mother's side, used to live here too. The house is built so that we have 2 front doors, 2 gardens, 2 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, 2 living rooms, and 4 bedrooms all divided like they were 2 separate houses, but with a door connecting them, if that makes any sense to you.
Now after my grandparents died, it's has only been the three of os, making it kind of quiet around here. My grandmother was always a very loud woman, but in a good way. Anyway, it kind of helped when my mom decided to move all their things into my grandparent's side of the house and stole my room to make a . . . a library, I think? But, I don't really mind, because now I have my parent's old bedroom and a living room all to myself. That means lots of room just for me!
The only thing that's a real pain it that my mom also had put our old house up for sale, so I'm not allowed to make a mess anywhere and I hate cleaning too! It doesn't help that I'm really lazy as well. And getting that house sold can take ages! Most especially when you consider the crisis. Not that my mom cares. She was and is still all like, "Well I want a 5 room apartment downtown with a veranda. So if people can't afford this house, then we will just wait until someone can. She even began babbling something about a lake. Don't ask. I wasn't really listening at that point.
Where were we, right. Telling about my family, lets start with my mom, now that I have already mentioned her. How in the word do I even began to explain what kind of a woman she is! Oh, wait! Easy. She is EVIL! I think that sums it up. Really, I'm not kidding. Although, I wish I was. My mom is SCARY!
First my mom is like the queen of the house and is capable of making you do things you don't want to do, before you even realize what's happened. She is a very manipulating, sadistic, evil creature with the disguise of a sweet, mature, fun loving parent. And that's also the first impression she gives, so when my friends meets my mother for the first time they're all like, "Wow your mom is so cool and so funny!" and I'm like, "Sure, just wait. It's gonna get ugly for you, but a hell of a lot more fun for me!" It's kind of sad really, because sooner or later they all discover the truth. Wait- sad! Did I say sad! I meant FUNNY AS HELL!
Let me give you an example: One day when I got home late from school, around dinner time, I find one of my best friends sitting with my mom in the living room, eating. At first I'm like what is he doing here and second where is my dad? Confused? Me too. I was looking for my dad because he usually does the cooking and I had been told he was at work, which he was. So that just leaves what my friend was doing there. Soon, I found out that he had been waiting for me and sadly for him, my mom was bored and hungry. My mom had made him cook and just to top it of, she had made him make her favorite dish. Which I don't remember the name of, but I just know that it takes like a thousand years to make. And I was like, "Dude, what where you thinking?" I said, trying really hard to hold back my laughter and he answered looking kind of confused with pleading eyes, "I don't know! I said no like 10 times, but before I knew it, I was already serving the food. Don't ever leave me alone with your mom again!". It was priceless. I don't think I will EVER forget that expression.
But it's kind of okay that she's like that. I can live with it. Because, of course, it's always funny when I'm not the one at the receiving end of it. The second thing is just plain annoying, though! My mom acts like she has the mentality of a teenager or of a mere child, depending on her mood! Second to my dad, she is the most childish person that I know. Sometimes she goes all *POKE* *POKE* and, "Tehee, this is fun!". I mean she goes around poking me all day and not understanding words like, "STOP!", "DON'T!", and "YOU ARE PISSING ME OF!". Like just here, the other day. She had attacked me with 2 flyswatters while she went all, "Attaque!" on me. No seriously, she actually yelled that, before hitting me with them. And let me tell ya' those things really hurts!
And for some reason she is a hugging-freak! If she ever gets to hug you, she never, and I mean NEVER lets go again! Also, she doesn't care what she's wearing or who she is hugging when she feels like it. . . It may not sound that bad, but it is! She once hugged my best female friend, only wearing a bra! How's that for a first impression? And my mom wouldn't let go again! She was scared of my mom for weeks. Well, at least I know that she truly is my friend, because she didn't run screaming towards another direction and never talked to me again after meeting my parents. And some people are wondering why I hate physical contact! I think it's perfectly clear that it's all my mom's fault!
So, now you have met my mom. She isn't that bad all the time and at other sometimes she's, well. . . worse. But after living with her for the last nineteen years - all my life - I've kind of gotten used to it. Same with my dad. It helps if you think of them like they're some kind of endangered animal. Then they suddenly seem kind of cute.
Okay, now let's try with my dad. He is an old soldier. One of the yelling kind- an officer. Sometimes I think that having had a gun pointed towards his scull a number of times, has made my dad more or less insane- and lets not forget extremely childish. If you asked my dad, then he'll say that he's god. He had even tricked me into believing it when I was around 6 or so. Yeah I know I was really naive as a child.
The worse thing about it is that a pastor once asked me if I believed in God and I answered, "Nope, I don't believe in God, I know him!" The pastor actually took me seriously and said something around the lines of, "True, believing and knowing is almost the same. How did you get to know him?"
"He's my dad, how could I not know him?"
I really don't think that the pastor was prepared for that answer, because I can remember that he was silent for a while. But he ended up saying, "True, we are all God's children."
I seemed really sweet and all, if you didn't know that I was talking about my dad. Luckily the pastor never really got to know what I really was talking about, because my mom called me over before I said anything else. Today, when I think back about it, I'm kind of embarrassed that I fell for that. My annoying lunatic of a dad was God! Really now?That dad of mine has really messed with my head. . .
What else is there to say about my dad?...Well, other then being an annoying and childish madman, he is kind of funny. Or more like really funny. Funny along the lines of always having a crafty comeback and no matter what you say or do, he can always find some way to make a joke out of it. You know those kind of dads that think they're funny but aren't? Well that's my dad, expect that he IS funny. It's just a pain that he knows it. Because his attitude is always like, "I have at least 3 sarcastic comebacks to what ever you're gonna say and I can even insult you in 10 different languages!", and it's pissing me off!
You know many parents call their children sweet things like love or sweetie. But not my dad. He has always called me things like: dwarf, hobbit, blockhead, maggot and so on… Well I'm so sorry for being short! I think it's his fault that I have developed some kind of complex about my height.
Sometimes I think that my parents' sole purpose in life is to make mine a living hell. And, for some kind of fucked up reason, I still love them. . . You know how a lot of children go through the age where they hate their parents? Well not me, for some reason I've always loved them, even when they piss me off, and they do that A LOT!
Now that you know what my parent's are like, I may seem more sane to you... Who am I kidding! I'm even worse then they are! It's horrible, but true. It's like taking the worst of my dad and the worst of my mom then mixing both together and WOLA! You have me!
- Laters -
SO well let me know what you think... my brain kind of went high wire writing this - kind of died a few times - Not pretty, I tell ya'. Even felt like killing my parents a few times along the way. But didn't because as my bestfriend always says, when I go yelling that I want to kill someone: "No dear, you can't kill them. Think of your future - it will be written in your papers." - Just gotta love her for her view on life. :D