Seven Weeks Before…
I'd always been in love with Finn, for as long as I can remember. Well for the past few years anyway. I can't tell you what day it happened, it was almost like I fell asleep one day and woke up with these new feelings for him.
Strange as it sounded, that was true. These feelings have been with me for a while now. I like watching him as he does stuff. I like talking to him. I like just being with him.
Too bad I had to leave him behind.
I was going to die today, I had to. There was just nothing else for me here. I felt like there was a heavy grey cloud hanging over me all the time. There was just so little to enjoy I hardly even saw the point in sticking around.
Besides, I'm sure there are few people who'd even blink when I die.
"What are you looking at, Ugly?" said a girl, Ally, I think her name was. I didn't really care anymore. She was just another voice I couldn't wait to leave behind.
I wanted to be gone, to get rid of girls like her for ever. They were just cruel people.
"Are you going to answer me?" Ally asked, and the other girls with her snickered.
I just ignored them. They didn't matter anymore. I was going to get out of their way and die; they didn't need to bother anymore.
But they were unrelenting.
I did my best to ignore it, but every word still felt like a smack in the face.
I used to think I'd be okay, that the vain hope I held inside me could be considered real.
It was those days I consider my darkest. Those days I allowed myself to believe in something that wasn't real.
Believing in those kinds of things can really mess you up. I was just a sick little kid trying to cling onto a delusion of safety.
That was also the time when I believed Finn could like me back, that he'd look at me the way he should and see me like a girl and then life would be good.
I was wrong. I was just a friend to Finn. He never even really looked at me.
Not to mention those I tried to call friend (Ally and her lot) were endlessly cruel to me.
And I took it all, just because I believed it could get better.
Here's a secret: It never does.
I decided to drown myself. It wasn't going to be as quick as a bullet, but I didn't have one and there was no way I was going to stab myself (I wasn't a cutter, but I had thought about it). Nor did I like the idea of hanging myself.
Drowning seemed the best way to go, to be honest.
So I stood at the edge of a nearby river, ready to die. The water was pretty shallow here, but I could deal.
I didn't bother to take a deep breath or think it through.
I saw her body floating in the middle of the creek. Her hair was fanned out and swaying in the water, the only real sign of movement in her otherwise still body.
Even though I knew she was dead, the girl in the water looked sad.
I felt a pang of annoyance at her. I'd been following her for a few hours now, ready to drink from her. But then I found her here, dead.
I perched on the edge of the bank, watching her. I know I should remove her body, let her die somewhere else, but I didn't. It wasn't like I killed her. In fact I was sure the girl had killed herself.
I wasn't an aura-seer, but I bet she would be covered in the colours of sadness of she was alive.
But even so, I saw a tiny red streak in the water.
Once again I felt the burn on my thirst, the hunger that I was never going to be able to quell completely.
I didn't fancy drinking from a corpse, but I guess I didn't have much of an option.
So I did it, I waded into the water; made sure no one was watching and drank her blood.
Suddenly, I was assaulted with memories from the dead girl.
A boy running across a school oval…
Words written in a notebook…
A taunting comment from a girl….
An address written on a piece of paper…
A name: Elena.
I dropped her body in shock, trying to make sense of what I saw. Normally I didn't get much out of a victim, especially when they were dead.
But it was like something in this girl was reaching out to me.
I looked down at her body; the wound on her neck was staining the murky water a deep red, making the whole scene look creepy.
I started down at my hands, which had a few drops of blood on them.
Then I felt horrible.
I drank from her, someone who didn't even get the chance to stop me.
Later, I found the address I saw from the dead girl. It looked like a normal suburban house, but there was no one home. I climbed in through a window, making sure I stuck to the shadows. I hated daylight hours, I felt weak during them and most of my supernatural power was strictly for the darker hours.
Thankfully the part where I needed to ask permission to enter a home didn't apply in daylight. I was almost normal now and, I guess, not a 'threat' as such. But that didn't mean it was easy. I still had to force myself to climb in, even though my body didn't want to.
I made it into the room, which was decorated like a girls. I suddenly recall flashes from the girl's memories. Parts of it were carried out in this room.
I walked over to the wall where a bookshelf stood. On it were a million stuffed animals and a few dozen books. I walked up to where a pink bear sat. It looked kind of odd, like something was wedge behind it.
So I reached behind the bear and pulled out a notebook.
I knew what this was.
It was the notebook I'd seen in the vision.
I carefully opened it to the first page and read.
July 23rd 2010.
I want it to go away.
But it won't. Not now. Not ever.
They won't stop just because I want them to.
They like seeing me like this.
I'm too weak to not give them that. I hate myself for it. I hate that I can be weak, that I'm just awful and ugly.
There's no wonder Finn stopped talking to me.
I wish he'd talk to me again. I can't help it, even though I'm sure he doesn't like me anymore, at least he used to talk to me.
Unlike the rest of them, they hate me for sure.
I can't stay here.
It's just not right.
I read through all the journals, discovering who Elena Tanner was. I became an almost expert on her.
Putting the journals back, I heard a door open. "Elena?" A woman called. I panicked.
That's when I saw the note on the bed. I picked it up and stuffed it into a pocket.
Then I became her. Well not exactly, but I let them think I was her. It was an easy trick, something that had come in handy in recent years.
"Elena?" The woman asked again.
"In here," I called. My voice still sounded like my own, but I'd made sure the woman thought she'd hear different.
"Good, now I'll see you in a bit, I have to go and get some pasta, we're out and I'm making spaghetti for dinner."
"Sure," I said. From what I could gather from the woman's mind was that she had no idea about how sad her daughter really was. No idea that Elena was dead.
I suddenly found myself without the heart to end this façade.
I took the note out of my pocket and stared at it. The writing was clear and legible, as if Elena was just writing an essay and not a suicide note.
I thought about burning it. I really did. But I couldn't bring myself to do it, vowing to keep it in case I ever had to get away quickly.
It wasn't like doing this thing wasn't a risk. I had to be careful about it. Who knows what would happen if I let on that I was here?
I didn't want to find out.
This is MY work. Not to be reposted without my permission.
A/N: There…another chapter done.
I feel happy that I got this fully down.
Yes, this is a prequel thing, but the next part will be back to the present.