Chapter 1

Ventura County, California, Fall 2009

Our apartment is a mess of things she won't take care of and things I don't want to deal with. Our life is just a mess that we move around from place to place. She wants me to believe these things will be okay, but I don't. I know what I'm losing, and she won't get a grip.

"This kitchen is a sty," I tell her casually. We don't pick fights. She wouldn't let me if I tried.

"Studying," she murmurs without looking up. Sight is something she takes for granted. I hate her for it.

Look at me. I want to say. Please. I just want to see you look at me.

But I won't. Won't ask her to pity me more than she already does.

She closes her book with a thud and does a twist to each side as she stands. She always does this, something I've never failed to notice. I notice everything.

"A break wouldn't hurt though," she tells me. "Want to check on the laundry? I'll load the dishwasher."

I sigh, feeling guilty for interrupting her now. "Yeah, okay," I agree a little gloomily.

"Hey," she says and I meet her gaze for the first time in days, "Two more weeks," she reminds me with a grin.

"Two more weeks," I acknowledge. I'm excited, but two weeks is a long time to wait for me. The reminder is more upsetting than anything else.

All I can think is What if in two weeks it's too late? Or What if she changes her mind? After all she has her own dreams. Her education. She puts everything on hold for me. So just What if…

She taps sharply on the two tickets pinned to our fridge with a magnet.

"Not getting cold feet are you?" she sounds worried.

"Are you?"


a/n: new chapter up. sorry it's been a while. seeing this story as kind of a short, sweet and to the point sort of thing. pov change here c: congrats if you caught it. boo me if you didn't. review pls! c: trying to get back into the groove.