Tiem was still sniffling, but he was unsure if it was from crying or from walking home in wet clothes. He reached his house, and unlocked the front door. There was no one home, but then again, that was usually the case. His mother was probably still at work.

Closing the door behind him, he sighed and went upstairs to his room.
The cold wet clothes stuck to his skin, but he'd had enough of showering, so he changed to dry clothes without it. Then he sank down on his bed, and just lay there staring at the ceiling, wondering how he could be such an idiot.

He still felt the pain and self loathing from the shower room earlier, except that the self loating part was even worse now. Why had he suddenly decided to kiss Rair? He had just been so sick of it all, wanting to do something, but that wasn't a good excuse for doing something that stupid.

Tiem lifted his hands in front of him, and looked at them. His heart was beating faster just by thinking about it. Holding Rair against the wall, and feeling his lips eventually soften a moment.
Then the feeling of getting a fist in his gut and face which quickly brought him back to reality.
Frowning, he covered his face in his hands as the despair reached him again. He could feel the bump of the bruise, and it hurt as a reminder of what he had done.

At least one of their accusations was clearly true. He really was an idiot!
He had just forced himself upon Rair, one of the strongest guys in school. The guy who either beat him up, or made sure others did, and constantly told him what a failure he was. He dragged himself up from the bed and to the bathroom to check his chin in the mirror. The bruise wasn't too bad, hopefully his mother wouldn't notice.
He vaguely considered smashing his head into the mirror, but he decided against it. His body was hurting enough already.

Of course he knew Rair wasn't interested in him in any way, so at least he'd expected the rejection.
The what-ifs were always bothering him, but he rarely believed them.
He looked at his reflection and sighed again.
If only he didn't have such a weakling face, maybe at least he wouldn't be such an easy target.
Even a darker eye color would help, instead of his light blue ones.
Rairs dark brown eyes flashed before him, and he remembered how they had widened with surprise as he moved closer.
He almost laughed. As if a different eye color would miraculously make his life better.
Tiem was ugly and weak, and he knew it. They told him every day.
Rair, on the other hand, was smart, good looking and confident. Not to mention, he was also straight and popular with girls. Even Tiem could see that was never going to happen.

He could feel the tears again as he went back to his bedroom even though he tried pushing them back.
If only he wasn't such a crybaby and a lowlife! He didn't even know why he was crying now.
He lay down on his bed again with his face down into a pillow.
If only he hadn't fallen for Rair.
The pillow got warm and wet, and it was difficult to breathe, so he turned around to stare at the ceiling again.
Luckily Rair probably wouldn't tell anyone about the kiss, but he would still make Tiem pay for it.

He had been hoping something would change; well it would definitely change now. His life changing from bad to a living hell wasn't exactly what he had been hoping for though.

His head was hurting, his stomach was a sickening knot, and he was tired.
He closed his eyes.
If only his life was a little better.