The Increasingly Tragic Saga Also Known As My Life

Chapter 1: Meet the Psychos Otherwise Known As My Family

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You know when you think your life can't possibly get any worse?

And then, somehow, miraculously, it DOES?

Yeah, that's basically the story of my life.

You want evidence? How's this:

I'm starting a new school for the fifth time in my life. My friends are scattered all around the country – one in St. Louis, a few in Maine, an ex-boyfriend in San Francisco, a couple in Pennsylvania.

My parents got a divorce when I was nine, and ever since then, Mom has moved around constantly, never settling down anywhere for much longer than a year. We stayed in San Francisco the longest, but of course, soon enough, Mom got into a big fight with her boyfriend of the moment and we were on the first flight to Philly. My dad lives in a completely different state with a completely new family. He got re-married two years ago, and it seriously sucks, because I only see him like once a year. Plus, my step-mom is a psycho. I call her the Evil Bitch Who's Trying to Ruin My Life, a.k.a. EBWTTRML. EB for short.

And if that's not bad enough, Mom has apparently decided that we should re-start our lives in Texas. So here I am, sixteen years old, about to start my junior year of high school, and I don't know a single person at my new school. Belmont Bay High. All I know about it is that it's full of a bunch of snooty rich kids who drive Ferraris and wear Ralph Lauren polos even though they've never worked a day in their privileged little lives.

Thank GOD I have my trusty old (and occasionally extremely annoying, but you know how it is) siblings to accompany me into the pits of fire otherwise known as Belmont High. Even though they're incredibly obnoxious and always finish the brownies before I get any, they're probably the only reason I've survived this long without going absolutely psychotic. (Like Evil Bitch, my stepmom, ha ha.)

Logan is the oldest. He's seventeen, has brown hair that Mom's always yelling at him to cut, and he's basically a football god. Loge never has any trouble fitting in at our new schools because of his talents out on the football field. It's so unfair – seriously, all boys have to do is throw a ball around a few times and instantly they're the most popular kid in school. Girls, unfortunately, are not that lucky. For us, popularity is defined by who has the best gossip or the latest shoe collection. Ugh.

Riley is my little sister. She's fourteen, a freshman, so lucky for her she'll be starting a new high school along with everyone else in her grade. Riley is the super-sweet one. A.k.a., the Polar Opposite of me, as I've been told so often. My relatives just love to crush my self-esteem. Hey, I can't help it if I say whatever I'm thinking. I was born without one of those handy brain-to-mouth filters that everyone else seems to have been blessed with.

The youngest kid in our family, Tommy, is in middle school. He's violent. Like extremely. He once chased me around the house with a spatula yelling at the top of his lungs that he was going to shove it down my throat. The sad thing is that it happened yesterday.

And then there's me. Sawyer Daniels, at your service. I'm the one with the absurdly pathetic life, remember? I've got wavy brown hair, green eyes, and a chest that Logan says is flatter than a football field. THANKS, Logan, that's nice, thanks a lot. Oh, yeah, and I'm incredibly sarcastic, can you tell? I do well enough in school, but it's not exactly like being Secretary of the Book Club is going to get me as popular as Logan's football skills make him. Oh well. I'm used to it.

Mom says I have a bad attitude. Riley says I'm misunderstood (I always knew she was my favorite sibling!). Logan says I'm a bitch (yeah, don't worry, I'm gonna kill him for that one), but a lovable one.

I know how to paste on a pretty smile and blend in with the crowd, though. Especially on the first day of school. After all, it never pays to stand out by doing something stupid like dump a tapioca pudding cup over the head of the class bully on your first day at a new school (er…no…of course I'm not speaking from experience…promise…really!). (Well, okay, I am, but I was ten! Give a girl a break!) High school is like the jungle. Everyone roams in a pack, and if you don't find your species right away, you're screwed. Loners are vulnerable prey, just waiting for a predator (a.k.a. a popular asshole) to come along and eat them alive. That's why camouflage is vital – if you don't fit in, you're dead meat.

And lucky me, I get to start a new high school tomorrow. Yippee!

…kill me now, please.


A/N: This is a story I started a little while ago. It's just a lighthearted, fun piece that I use to procrastinate on my other story, Scandalous (link in profile). I have a couple more chapters written, so if you guys like it, let me know and I'll post them ASAP. Just leave a review if you want to read more! Love, Soph