I died once. When they brought me back, I was human.
Nothing as simple as bodily death happened to me. What died was my soul. My very worldview was lost – as my race say; "I have been given new eyes".
My new eyes are tainted by human thoughts, human feelings.
My old eyes were those of a fulethir child; they saw life in simple terms. To my kin, there is no concept of fortune, of fate, or even faith. Fulethir do not have gods. We cannot hate.
Those eyes witnessed inexplicable things. Those eyes died slowly. When my world changed, I found I had new eyes. Not quite human, but close.
When I woke up with my new eyes, I felt unborn.
I'm not sure I'm conscious. I can't really feel anything... just a pleasant numbness. I find I don't care too much, where I am. I should be doing something... something important.
Am I even conscious? I only sense a warm moistness around me. It doesn't bother me to know where I am. I was doing something... something urgent.
I don't think I'm conscious. I need to know where I am. Are my eyes even open? I can't feel my body at all. Something's wrong, something's terribly wrong.
I open my eyes.
I can barely see anything, just a gentle golden glow, so hazy... I can't keep my eyes focused. It doesn't feel like I'm awake. I need to wake up. Something's wrong.
I can't feel my body. I can't even move it. I remember to hear as well as see, and I hear voices - vague noises.
I can't remember how to breathe. I need to breathe, that's important, to breathe. Something's so very wrong and I remember how to be afraid. Something won't let me breathe. How long is it since I last drew breath? How long have I been here? Am I sleeping?
My eyes are open but I'm still dreaming.
If I'm dreaming, I need to get up. But my limbs won't move. I will my body to move but I've forgotten how to run, I've forgotten how to feel, I've forgotten how to see again.
I open my eyes.
It's clearer now. I see shadows. Gold tinted with red. There's something between the shadows and me. Is it glass?
I will my arm to move, to feel. The numbness gives way to fuzzy tingling. I want to clench my fist but my fingers barely twitch. I look to the side, and there's a soft stinging feeling in my eyes. Moving my head is like hauling lead.
There's something desperately wrong.
I don't understand. There's no sense to this. I can't be dreaming. I want to panic, to scream, but I still can't remember how to breathe.
I begin to remember how to feel. It feels like tiny cuts all over my body, like a thousand claws in my flesh, like a sweet pain digging at my skin. There's a deep ache inside me, feeling like I'm covered by bruising. Yet I can't care. I should be screaming, this should hurt, and there should be fear. I've forgotten how to be afraid again.
I open my eyes.
I can see beyond my glass womb, to the sight of moving figures. They don't look like people. Behind them are tubes of glass, arrayed by the hundreds. I can see creatures inside.
I listen. I hear words, but I don't understand. I hear shouting, but I don't comprehend.
My body is insistent with its pain. I want to scream but I still can't breathe. My fist clenches, and I feel my fingers brush my palm. Pain sears my wrist. I can't feel it. I move my head to the side; the scalding feeling in my neck is easily ignored. I need to know where I am. Am I, too, encased in glass? I see only more pods, lit by the smooth, watery light. It's colder now.
I look down at my burning arm. I realise what's wrong. Why I'm in pain.
There are metallic wires sunk deep into my flesh, in many places. More of them bite my legs, my torso, my head... I remember how to be afraid. I remember how to be terrified.
there's too much pain it hurts so much hurts too much there are wires in my flesh, there are wires in my flesh get them out get them out get them out
My first thought is to thrash. I grasp at the wires in my arm and they tear at my skin as I rip them out. I need to scream. But I still can't breathe. The pain in my skin is closer now, and I can't ignore it. I tug at the wires anyway. They pull away from my body, a few at time, and swirls of blood pollute my world, rendering the world outside obscured.
I still can't breathe. I need to breathe. I need to breathe. I need to breathe so I can scream.