My Secret Santa

My secret Santa gives me presents year round.

For Valentine's Day, she gave me chocolate by the pound.

For Easter, a egg hunt just for me,

And inside one was a picture of she.

For summer, Secret Santa Dee-Dee

Tried to maim me.

For my birthday, she sent a note saying "give me money,"

I replied to that: "fat chance honey."

For Thanksgiving, she sent a grenade

And stole the dinner my mom made.

For Halloween, I didn't want see her anymore,

And yet Secret Santa hurt me by the shore.

For Christmas, I was afraid of what Secret Santa Dee-Dee would bring,

But what arrived was a mobster named Chin-Ling.

For New Year's I was in my grave,

And Secret Santa Dee-Dee, for a New Year's resolution, agreed to behave.