Creative Writing I
30 September 2011
Diary of an Anorexia Teenager
Dad hit me again. I swear nothing I do is good enough. I was practicing my guitar with my door close. He came barging in yelling, "This is all you do, stay in your room and don't even check if I'm okay. Don't you have some homework? Any reading you want to do?" I told him no, and he demanded me to stop playing. Storming pass him, I murmured, "What's the point of buying an instrument if you're going to tell me when I can play practice?" Of course his voice fills the air when he asked for me to repeat it. What other choice did I have? Before I could even think to run away, he shoved me against the banister. I remember the pain shooting up my spine, and still suffering with the bruises now. To even top that, I have soccer tomorrow. Story of my life! Tomorrow is Monday and I can't wait to see my boyfriend Cain. He seems to be the only one who truly understands me.
"You've got to stop skipping soccer," Cain tells me the next day.
"I want to spend time with you and this is the only time I can" Cain pulls out cigarette. We've been dating for three years, and I haven't regretted any day with him.
"Jenna, you're smart. You can get somewhere with your brains," he lit his cigarette and allow the smoke inhale into his lungs. I sit in silence, he does have a point. College in one year, but I don't think I want to be anywhere without him. I grab his cigarette and before he could snatch it back, I placed my lips upon it. I sucked in my breath slowly and instantly my eyes begin to water while I cough continuously. Cain laughs, "That'll happen the first time, babe." He wraps his arm around me, "Body just ain't use to it." I seriously feel like I coughed up my lungs.
"Cain?" I say, "I miss my mom." He looks disgusted from the memories and tugs me into his Chevy green truck. Will we ever talk about my mom?
Cain and I finally did it. Missing soccer practice was worth it. Our moment was special…I think. I was in the moment, but I couldn't help thinking of what was going on. We talked about our future, and he wasn't sure I'll let him into my life when I leave out from my dad's. Of course he'll be apart of mines. We've been through so much, and had so many memories I will be scared if anyone else figured out.
Cain drove me home and kissed me goodbye. My dad was standing by the from window glaring at me. Walking into the kitchen, the aroma of Popeye's fried chicken filled the air. He motioned me to it down, and so I did. Our message was clear; I don't leave the table until I finished my meal. I shoved down my meal in five minutes top and was asked to be excused.
10 Minutes Later…
Looking in the bathroom sink mirror, I see a blue eyed girl staring back at me. Light cookie dough skin tone, brunette hair, freckles, and a black and blue mark below her right cheek. I open the toilet and plunge my finger down my throat. Grasping the sink to keep my head from spinning, I feel someone's presence in the room. Dizzy, I turn around to reveal a tall, bold figure. He looks me straight in the eyes before closing the door softly as he left.
Two black jeeps were parked in my driveway when I arrived from school. Earlier today, I was called down to the nurse. Teachers were probably talking when they say me limping from class to class. Charlie, the school's nurse asked me to remove my pants to see the bruise from my dad earlier that morning. I slowly pulled them down, and he took notes. "Jenna," he said, "This has got to stop." I begged him to believe my story that I fell down the stairs. "Stay here," he demanded. Well I gave him forty minutes to come back, and I just got up and walked myself home. I knew something was off when I saw two older men talk to my dad from the window I was standing at. I didn't know what was happening until one of the men came to the window, smiled, and motioned me to come inside.
"You must be Jenna? Come on inside, I'm Gabriel," he says as he reach out his hand for a handshake. He's dressed in a black suit, tall, broad chest, and has enormously large feet. I look at his hand but then walk pass him. In the kitchen, my dad stares me from across the table. My palms turn sweaty. Gabriel whispers into his partner's ear and he nods in agreement. "Jenna, my friend Brandon will take your dad outside so we can have a talk." He turns to my dad, "Is that okay, M. Fisher?" My dad replies with sliding his chair out, standing straight up, and looses his footing for a quick second
He is totally buzzed.
As soon as the drunk left, Gabriel wanted me to tell him the truth. I know he wanted to help, but I didn't know where to start. So instead, I walked out.
"Jenna!" he cried out, "All I want is to make sure you'll be safe."
Morning sickness. One word. Gross! Haven't written to you in awhile because I'm afraid someone will find it and use it as evidence. After the encounter with Gabriel, I went over to Cain's house. I love his room, even if the color is black. Of course, we ended up doing it again, and I haven't seen him in about a month. But we chatted about my dad. Cain doesn't understand him, but always tries to change the subject whenever he can. This time was different though. This time I will have to go into court. Dr. Carmen, my physiologist, says I'm strong enough to have a trial against him, but does he know I don't want to send him to jail? I know his alcohol problem is out of and, and I have scars to prove it. I just can't lose another parent. I can't eat, even thought my stomach is growling for the stew my foster mother, Julie, made. I don't remember the last time I did eat, but I need to fix this problem. Cain doesn't even know about it. My new home is "temporally" as Gabriel says, but why do I feel like he's lying? All my clothes, furniture, and even my car is here. At this house with five other bratty kids, I don't feel l I belong here at all. Time to go see Dr. Carmen! I'm bleeding…
There sat a cracker in front of me just like everyday I'm here. Dr Carmen looks at me, "So how are you today?" he asked. This was the normal question. I grabbed the cracker and shoved it down my throat. We sat in silence for a minute. I knew he didn't get it. I knew he didn't get me.
"How do you feel Jenna?" he asked again.
"I wish I could have a do over?" I question my own self saying it out loud.
"A do over on what?" he questioned me back.
"My choices, my decisions, I'm stuck."
"But…why eat the cracker? Jenna, you haven't eaten in days from what Julia says." I stare down at my knees that are trembling in fear.
I open my mouth, "I…my dad…it hurts." Another moment we sat in silence, as I struggle on my own words. "He's an alcoholic," I start while he nods his head. "I can't testify against him tomorrow. I hate my new foster care mother. I just want to go back home," I yell. Dr. Carmen looks taken back, and stares at the empty tray that laid once laid the cracker.
"Jenna, the cracker? Explain me that. You seem to have struggle there before, but now?"
I look at the clock, 5:45. Time is up.
"Our session is over, Thanks," I get up and walk towards the door.
"Jenna!" he sound concerned, "Why?"
I walk out. If only he knew I was pregnant.
The day has finally come. I'm wearing a floral long sleeved shirt, black shiny pants, and my brunette hair is down in curls. My lawyer, Christina, is in a black pant suit, and has a stern face on. I see Cain also in a suit read to go to the witness stand. His blue eyes compliments his navy tie and I want him to tell me everything will be okay. I glance to my left, and there is my dad. Or what I thought was? His face was completely shaved, and his teeth were whiter. He's wearing a tie as well? He actually looks ... well … healthy. The guy who I called dad grinned at me. Joshua, his lawyer tapped him and flashed him a slip of paper, and he nods.
Christian grabs hold of my hand, "Just answer the questions like we went over. Jenna, what your dad did to you was wrong. It's your choice today in what you want," she smiles.
Cain turn came to go to the witness stand, and he answered clearly. How we meet—the mall. How long we have dated—tomorrow three years. However one question threw him off track.
"Did you ever think Mr. Fowler wanted to kill Jenna?" Cain looked me in the eye and took a deep breath.
Christian stood up "Objection, your honor."
"Sustained," roared the judge.
"Why didn't you call the police, Cain? You knew she was hurt. Been in enough trouble with the police, haven't you?
"Objection," yelled Christian.
"Sustained," the judge said.
Joshua smiled, "No more further question your honor."
Cain, has been in trouble a lot. From selling drugs, stealing, vandalizing, and to even spend a few night in jail. He has a kind heart, he just does stupid things. My dad trial was all true. I felt like Joshua asked him certain questions to let the jury see him as a more kind man then he really is. My dad told the jury I wanted nothing more than attention. I was also clumsy, and I was emotionally unstable. Cain set bad examples for me, and he told me numerous times not to see him. I was uncontrollable. I wanted to yell and scream at him. How dare he twist me? This man wasn't my father. Lunch break is over, it's my turn to go to the witness stand.
After a few questions of how my relationship was my dad, Joshua turned the table on me to ask about my school life.
"So Ms. Fowler, your how old?" Joshua asks me.
"17," I reply.
"Making plans for college, do you know where you want to go?"
"Objection, your honor!" Christiana yells.
"Overruled," yell the judge, Joshua turns to me.
"Yes, I plan to attend Arizona State," I say.
"College in a year, and your father says you still sneak out to hang with Mr. Mckee. Now just for the jury to know, what is your relationship with, Mr. McKee."
"He is my boyfriend," I look towards Cain, and he grins.
"Has there ever been a time where you felt forced to do something that you were uncomfortable with?" My face drops, I think back to the cold crisp night. The river was freezing where she slept.
"I miss her. I'm sorry," I whisper.
"I'm sorry, I don't think anyone heard you Ms. Fowler,"
I look directly to Cain eyes which are filled with fear. "I killed my mom," the whole courthouse is in silence. "My mom was founded in the river last year. May 16, 2010, to be exact. My mom use to take medication for her depression, and that very day I figured out, she fainted on the ground from taking to many. She wasn't dead. Cain and I checked her pulse. I was mad at her for so many years." I turned the person I've lived with for years while she was gone, "She never stood up to him," I point to my dad, and look towards the jury. "That's when Cain saw the opportunity to get rid of her. It was my idea to throw her into the river, no one else's."
Instantly, the court house was filled with noise. The judge bangs with his mallet, yelling, "Order in the court." I turn to Cain, whose head is buried into his hands. I whisper sorry, and turn to face my dad. He gives me a blank stare while tapping his foot. I don't know what to say, or do at this moment. I don't even feel like running.
"The trail will be continue next week, case dismissed," The judge says while banging his mallet.
Walking outside with my lawyer and my foster mother, Julia, walks with us.
"Come on, Jenna. Time to go home," she grabs my hand and I yank it away. My home is not where she lays her head down at night. I look around, searching for his red pick-up truck. I finally spot him talking to Joshua and then shaking his hand. I made a dash towards my dad, and leap into his arms. My dad held me tightly and Julia stood near me.
"She can ride back with you to my house," she smiles a little bit while patting my shoulder.
The car ride to my temporary house was in silence. I don't put my seatbelt on but instead I leave my diary in my lap. My dad hasn't broken his habits and is drinking his bud lite beer. He's on probation until 6 months, and he's breaking it already. I smile to myself, I don't know what will happen in my next court date, but I don't think I care. I wonder how Cain is doing.
"Jennifer," my dad calls me by my first name. "I love you and so did your mom, you know that right?"
I nod and say, "I love you too, dad." I open my diary and begin writing for five minutes until I hear loud honking and bright lights coming from the back seat of the truck. Gravity pulls me forward, and I see the road pavement underneath me.
Last Entry Before the Crash
I think things might be right. I finally have proper closure. I will probably be trial as murder as an adult with full charges. I want to give thanks to Cain, for always being there for me. I love you him very much, and if I see him again, I will tell him about my miscarriage. My dad on the other hand, he's going to get help. He has no other choice. May my mom rest in peace and I hope she looks upon me wherever she is now. My pages are almost filled and it's time for me to get a new jo…