The woman dragged the blade across her arm, grinning in pain as she became fascinated with the bright beads of blood forming. She smiled faintly as they pooled over and began racing down her arm. She was sitting in a dimly lit bathroom, her back leaning against the bathtub wall, and her face was the picture of interest. The blood she'd seen so many times before. It reached her wrist, swelling over the small lumps at the start of her hands, two streams meeting in her palm before reaching the tips of her fingers, all leaving a warm red trail in their wake. The beads feel off her arm, splashing gently on the clean white floor.
This was her only pleasure. She possessed good looks, and that had gotten her abused in her earlier life. She still suffered nightmares of the beatings her father "gifted" her with, and those weren't the worst that happened. She never found any friends; she never even talked in school If someone got close, they might learn of what happened. She felt ashamed, and never wanted anyone to know. Then she discovered the razor.
Her father had just given her one of his "gifts" and had stormed out of the house at seeing her tears. He always called her weak and disgusting if she cried. She'd crawled to the bathroom to throw up. There she kneeled in front of the toilet, producing nothing by dry heaves and sobs. Out of the corner she caught a glimpse of light. Fear filled her, as she snapped her head towards the window to see if it was her father's headlights. She saw it was only the sunlight catching of the metal of the razor she shaved her legs with.
"You're a freaking idiot!" She screamed at herself through her tears.
But she couldn't tear her eyes away from that blade, glinted seductively in the light. Her tears dried up, and her thoughts shut down as she crawled towards it. She disregarded the pain in her stomach and ribs and grabbed it. She snapped the plastic cover off and the thin blades clattered to the floor, and she picked on up hastily. She brought the grinning blade to her upper left arm and place it's sharp end on her skin. She took a moment to be scared.
"What if it hurts?" She silently asked. "Quit being such a disgusting child!" her father's voice snapped back.
She dug the blade into her arm with a savage tenacity. Blood gushed up around the silver blade, eager to be released from it's prison of fifteen years. She gasped at the amount of blood. But it brought an odd solace. If anything, it reminded her that she had something inside her aside from tears. She brought the blade down again and again. She cut 8 deep gashes down her arm by the time she stopped.
From that day on she couldn't stop. There were days her arm reminded her of raw meat. She always wore sweaters or long sleeves, not that anyone would have cared for her if they knew.
The instant she turned 18 and graduated she moved out of the house, renting an apartment hours away from her father. She found herself hoping her life would get better, and for a time, it had. She got a boyfriend she thought was accepting, and was set up to marry him. Then she found out he felt she wasn't good enough., and only stayed because he was so sorry for her. He had then left, and she hadn't heard from him in 2 years.
From there she had gotten more and more depressed, until she had come to a final decision. Tonight, she would throw herself off the city bridge. The news had predicted a severe storm, and she knew no one would be out to find her. She'd put thought about writing a note, but then had sullenly believed that nobody would care, even if they did find it.
The woman groaned as she sat up. It was time to go. As she left the apartment, the brighter lights of the hallways outside caused her to wince as bright javelins of light jabbed into her eyes. However, she relished this pain, pleased at it's throbbing whine. This pain faded quickly. Outside, she found the last rays of sunshine were saying their farewells.
"My last sunset," She thought. She drove to the bridge slowly, momentarily enjoying her surroundings; the air flowing in through the window, brushing her face with it's gentle fingers, the slight vibration of her car rattling around, the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. When she arrived at the bridge, she parked off the road, and walked the length to the middle. She had been right, no one was around. From there, she stood up on the rail, using one arm to keep her balance by holding a large support rail. The storm had come now, and the air was a whip, attempting to throw her away. But she would not grant it the joy.
"That pleasure is all for me." She spat at the empty wind. Rain came with a snap of thunder. The water slammed into her shoulders and head, soaking her instantly, yet, she was filled with a melancholy calmness. She could smell the river. It smelled so clean. She wanted to be cleansed of her life.
"What a typical thought that was." The woman muttered to herself. And then she let go. Her body flopped through the wind before crashing into the water in a brilliant spray. She left her eyes open through the water, and let it carry her quickly down the river. Eventually, she could hold anymore, and the water shot into her lungs. She had predicted a panic to occur, but she let herself peacefully slip out of life.
Her eyes opened sleepily and light blinded her.
"This is death," She murmured dully to herself.
And then the light was obscured by a young man with dark brown hair and deep blue eyes.
"Not quite, Erin." He said to her. "You were found on the river. Some fisherman brought you in and dropped you and then left. Said something how 'the government is gonna screw me' or something like that."
"How do you know my name?" She asked. She was still taking everything in; her beautiful death had been ripped from her.
"You're in a hospital. We checked who you were, and found you to be Erin Chambers. Now how about you tell me about why you were in the river during a storm, and then explain to me what battle you went through to get that arm." The doctor said to her, touching her arm delicately, as though he expected it to fall apart at his soft touch.
Suddenly Erin couldn't hold back anymore. The beatings, abuse, and depression assaulted her all at once, and she couldn't hold back the tears. All her defenses had come down with the asking of one question. The sobs ripped through her body harshly.
The doctor looked around, with an uncomfortable look on his face, but came to her side and wrapped an arm around her. She normally would have shrieked and jumped away at the touch, but she couldn't help but cling to him and let the tears fall.
It soon came to a point where she felt she could cry no more and told the doctor everything. It seemed to go on for minutes, but when she looked around, she saw the sun was coming up. Instantly embarrassed, she apologized to the man.
"Don't worry about ti." He said, chuckling slightly. "See, you were brought in about fifteen minutes before I was supposed to leave. So I've been getting paid overtime all for hearing about a beautiful woman's life."
Erin didn't know how to react. She felt used, amused, and surprised at the statement. Yet, she somehow couldn't help but laugh a bit, and he smiled softly at her laughter.
"If anything, I can at least say I'm able to get a laugh out of you." He said. Then his face grew slightly confused, and then cleared. He opened his eyes and said, "um, this isn't exactly protocol, but, well, do you have a place to stay tonight?" He blushed slightly at the last words.
"I, um, I do have an, uh, apartment," She said, blushing intensely as she stumbled over the words.
"Alone?" The doctor questioned.
"Yes." Replied the woman.
"I'm sure you can see how I don't like the sound of that." He said. "How about you come with me? I can make you something to eat and drink, and then we can see what we can do to fix you up. Oh, you may also like to know, my name is Dane."
I-I, uh, okay," She mumbled to him, her gaze shifting from those beautiful eyes to the floor.
He smiled at her brightly, displaying a set of handsome white teeth.
"I could fall in love," She thought. The thought surprised her, but she let it comfort her.
The two of them left to hospital and began the ride to Dane's house, which he said was in the suburbs.
"How odd for a single man to have a big house," Her mind said. Then a realization came. Oh God! I don't even know if he's single!"
"The house does get a little lonely. It's a bit big for just one person." Dane said thoughtfully, as though her knew was she was thinking.
They entered the house and Dane made a small meal for the both of them. Afterward he took her to a room upstairs, told her this was where she could stay from a while.
"If you need me, I'm just down the hall. Two doors down." He left her with a smile and assurance that he was there for her.
She lay there in the warm bed, thinking of the man who showed her so much kindness. Why would he show so much warmth to a stranger? Let alone her? How could he care for her, when no one else ever had, not even herself? These questions brought themselves to her until she fell into sleep.
She woke several hours later, and was greeting by the smell of breakfast being cooked. She gazed out the window, and saw the sun setting.
"Things have changed." She said to herself in a sleep-slurred voice. And then a knock came at the door.
"Sharon, it's Dane, ya know, since it could be so many other people. I've got some food."
"Come in." Erin called out to the door. He walked into the room, balancing a metal tray of food on his arm. He set it on the nightstand next to her, and watched her eat for a little while. Meanwhile, she tried to build up the courage to ask him why he was being so kind. After a few minutes of awkward silence she took the plunge.
"Um...Dane, may I ask you something?" She asked.
"Go for it," He replied.
"Well, I was just wondering..." She paused before forging on ahead. "Well, why are you doing all this for me? You don't even know me."
He took a moment, staring at the ceiling before looking back at her.
"I was sixteen years old and I met this girl. She grew to be my closest friend. I was always sad or angry about some pathetic thing while she was dealing with real problems. Her life made mine look like the greatest thing in the world. But, she needed me, just once, and I couldn't do anything. I'd known her for years, and she tried to tell me how much she hurt inside, and I brushed it aside." He stopped here, and covered his eyes with his hand, and his voice began to shake, ever so slightly. "A couple days later a few police officers came to my house. She had killed herself. Jumped from the same bridge you did. And I have no interest in letting anyone else die If I can do a single damn thing about it!" He became spirited with the last sentence, shouting it to the room, and his hands rolled into fists. She could see his eyes growing moist, and crawled across the bed to him.
"Well, you're doing a pretty great job so far." She said, and then, hesitantly kissed his cheek. He looked at her surprised, but kissed her back, now on the lips. He held her close to him, and the both of them felt truly content.
From that day on, they began a relationship, and eventually became married. They had three children. Erin felt happy with her life, and hadn't cut since that final night in her apartment. In her mind, it was her rebirth. She discovered she had a knack for painting, and actually made quite a bit of money from it. Dane made more then enough at the hospital, and they were living very comfortable. Their children were happy and healthy, and every night she fell asleep next to a man who loved her more then life. Life had turned to something valuable, and she couldn't wish for anything else.