The itsy, bitsy spider crawled up the water spout.

Down came the rain and knocked that spider out!

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the spout again

Because the itsy bitsy spider didn't learn a thing at all.

Phft. Idiot.


London bridge was falling down,

Falling down

Falling down,

London bridge was falling down,

Which makes no sense to me because they haven't said anything about that in the newspapers, which I'm pretty sure they would if it had really fallen down. You just can't trust anybody these days, can you?


People say that little boys are made out of, and I quote, "worms and snail and puppy dog tails."

Whereas girls are made up of "sugar and spice and everything nice."

That simply isn't true. Whoever wrote this didn't know the immune system, our bones, nail polish, DNA, blood, digestive system, the internal organs, external organs, and the bacteria that is both deadly and crucial to maintaining life.


Mary had a little lamb,

Little lamb, little lamb,

Marty had a little lamb who stalked her day and night.

Mary had a little lamb,

Little lamb, little lamb,

Mary had a little lamb who grabbed a kitchen knife.

Mary had a little cut,

Little cut, little cut,

Mary had a little cut, which started to throb with pain and bleed.

Mary had a little lamb,

Little lamb, little lamb,

Mary had a little lamb who buried her alive.


It's raining, it's pouring!

The old man is snoring!

He woke up in bed

With a lump on his head

And had to go to a hospital in the morning—

Because of that nasty concussion.


She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes!

She'll be riding with her bodyguards when she comes!

She'll be "safely protected" when I hop outta my carriage

And I'll shoot her with my pistol when she comes!

When she comes!

Oh, she owes me a couple thousand dollars yes she does!

She owes me a lot of money, yes she does!

When she lost her bet I swooped in and now she's in a big fat debt

So I'll take her life insurance money when she comes—

When she comes!


Row row row your boat, gently down the stream

Merrily merrily merily we go,

Man hunting down the stream!

Row row row your boat, gently down the stream

Merrily merrily merrily we go

Finding your corpse down the stream!


The wheels on the bus go round and round

Round and round

Round and round

The wheels on the bus go round and round

Off the cliff!

The people on the bus go "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

The people on the bus go "AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Off the cliff!

The driver on the bus has jumped on out

Jumped on out

Jumped on out!

The driver on the bus has jumped on out!

Off the cliff!


Some old stuff I found and tweaked a little. I'm doing the best I can with these things, but the summer's been hectic. I promise I haven't given up on this story, but there hasn't been much time for writing or reviewing. My apologies.

Just for the record, these writing things just happen. They start out differently, but they happen, okay? I'm not sane. Get over it and go back to your lives, puny earthlings.