An: Here's my latest, tell me what you think :) -Angel
Mr. Marks paced the length of the chalkboard waiting for Chandler to answer the simple problem on the board, one I had figured out five minutes ago. Finally the silent teacher spoke up,
"Chandler, plug x back into the equation." The boy looked as if that was the dumbest answer he could have said and coolly finished the easy algebra. I rolled my eyes and glanced back down at the book in my lap, The Cold Case. It was about a girl who found a dead body and became a hero for solving the crime while fixing her own issues. I wish I was more like her but I'm me. Being me isn't something I'm proud of, that's why I'm here.
At Parson's Academy for the Insane Youth, or Crazy High. The only thing that looked different about this school was the dorms; we ate, lived, and slept here. Our parents (if they admitted to being our parents) visited us on holidays. It was a mix between high school, prison, and a psych ward. We were permitted to wear a white wrist band with all our information on it. To most of the staff we were just another number, another crazy kid to lock up. I glanced down at the worn thing; I had memorized it by now; six months in.
Scarlett M. Nixon
Admission: Paranoid Schizophrenia, AvPD.
ID Number: 0503199689
This was our identification; the color depended on your severity. If you were really bad you were closer to the cold colors (blue, purple, green) if you were not a threat then you were warm colors (orange, red, yellow). The colors in order from worst to best were: Blue, Purple, Green, Orange, Red, Yellow. If you had yellow you could get away with pretty much anything, because you were very low-risk. The click of his pointer stick brought me back to the math class I hated. His monotonous voice dragged on and the clock became a fixated object.
I needed to hear the click to remind myself this was just a class, just a room to learn, not a chamber of torture where voices interlined the walls, breathed down my neck, and haunted the soul. I kept hearing her, my torturer, my master. The one in my head who told me what to do, how to act, who was good and bad. Disobedience was not an option, any slight mishap and I would have myself a truly memorable punishment.
You need to learn you know, not this type, but you need to learn how to be a good child. You want to be a good child don't you? I subconsciously nodded to her sweet, intoxicating voice. Good, then you need to bleed, right now, to purify your body of the toxins. Just get rid of it, why should our body be filthy? Cleanse yourself Scarlett.
I reached for the pencil and stared at the tip.
No Scarlett, that's not clean. Get the broken shard from under your desk.
I looked under the desk, and sure enough, a piece of glass was resting there. She talked to me as if I was an incompetent child who knew nothing. To my knowledge Kennady knew everything, nothing she said was wrong. How could it be wrong?
"Ms. Nixon! Stop!" My head snapped up and he was making his way to my desk in strides. Looking down I saw the deep maroon liquid pour onto my jeans, the sticky fluid flowing everywhere.
"What are you doing!" I stared up at the big man, bleeding, and still holding the bloody shard.
"Cleansing myself?" He looked at me, dumbfounded and yelled to the teacher walking past the door.
"Get Ms. Saint-Marine in here!" The nurse, with whom I was well aquatinted, came within five minutes with her bag. I was getting light headed and tired, some of the blood had dried on my clothes and hands. Holding the wound I put my head down on the desk only to hear an angelic voice.
"No sweetheart, you have to stay awake, come on..." I felt soft hands lift my head up and my eyes fluttered to see the nurse bending down to my level. The class was staring at me and they knew, they knew why I had done what I did. They heard the same voices, the same masters.
"I'm sorry..." The words foreign in my mouth came out in a disoriented manner.
"Don't be hun, its fine really, you'll be just fine." Her blonde hair was pulled back into a single braid down to her back, and her honey golden eyes looked into my tired ones.
"Come on; let's go get you cleaned up." She helped me up and I steadied myself against her. Some kids in a regular school would call me an attention seeker or crazy. But here, to those kids, I'm a prisoner. They know they kids who have Schizophrenia are not in control, their masters are. Mine is Kennady Lee.
By the time we were in the nurse's office most of the blood had dried on me and I smelled like death. She led me into the shower room and asked if I needed help, I said no and she left me to clean up. When I was in the water I heard a knocking and I instantly froze, my breath coming in short spurts, not helping my already dizzy state.
"Here's a towel and some clothes." I heard the door click and she was gone. I relaxed my muscles and drifted into my mind.
You did the right thing Scarlett; don't think for a second you were in the wrong.
"Then tell me why they were mad." I heard the small echo of my voice and it didn't register I was talking to no one, because I was talking to someone, I was talking to Kennady.
Because they don't understand the sense of purification. You are clean of him now, if you don't cleanse yourself every once and a while you will become filthy again, understand?
Good, now tell me, do you feel free?
I was confused by the question but I knew I wasn't supposed to keep talking; she gets angry when I talk too much, so I kept my mouth shut and pondered what she had said. He was not to be named; forbidden by her. If I said his name I would forever be what he had said I was. She was giving me a chance to redeem myself. After I turned the faucet to scalding I stood in the spray, it burned but I stayed in it until I wanted to scream from pain.
Good, now you are cleansed by the blood and by the fire.
I smiled, I liked pleasing her, I liked making her happy and doing as she said. I felt clean and pure; unlike I do when I have memories of he who I am forbidden to mention. I washed myself in the same ritualistic way I had for years, another antic of hers, to make me pure and whole. I turned the water off took the towel and dried off, leaving my clothes in the corner while I examined myself in the mirror.
My black hair clung to my back and shoulders, shrouding me in ebony. The eyes that looked back were green and lively, but my skin looked pale and dead. The scars covered me, partly from childhood, partly because I needed an outlet. I led myself away from the mirror to get dressed to face the rest of the day with a new, pure body.
"Are you finished?" The nurse's voice reached my ears and I opened the door for my response. She pulled me back a minute and wrapped my wrist in bandages; I had forgotten about the deep slash and it was still bleeding a little.
"Good, let's get you back to your dorm." I waited for her to get up and walk me to the other building. Rule number one here: always have an adult with you. If this rule is broken then you get to spend a week in solitary confinement.
The hall we came to had doors on each side all the way down to the end. We walked about midway and we stopped in front of a door that read 434, my dorm. She hugged me and opened the door,
"Try to ignore the voices, and take your meds." I looked up at her; startled. She giggled,
"I know when you skip your meds; you always end up in my office. I can't make you take them Scarlett but if you don't...you could end up dead. She will kill you."
No I won't, she's lying, and she wants to split us up.
I heard Kennady while the nurse was talking and I just couldn't help myself.
"You're lying; you just want to split us up. She would never do anything I didn't deserve or need." She led me into the room and sat me on my bed.
"I know you want to listen to her, she's apart of you and she has never left you; unlike people. But sweetie, trust me, she hates you and wants you to hurt yourself. Take your medicine and she won't hurt you anymore. It's your choice." And with that she got up and closed the door behind her.
I sat on the bed, in awe and wonder. An adult had given me a choice, something I never got. The other staff forced things onto you (meds, rules, etc...) things you had no say in. But the nurse... I smiled to myself and laid down onto the bed, my head; light and dizzy onto the soft pillow.
I love you Scarlett, I'm the only one who will ever put up with you. Don't ever forget that.
I nodded and closed my eyes, seeing the colors behind my eyelids; trying to suppress her voice dripping into the crevices of my brain; controlling my thoughts, moods, and actions. But it was too damn hard and I almost didn't want to. I mean, I'm terrified they will take her from me and I will be alone, besides who would love me anyway? As she said, she's the only one who will ever put up with me.
Just as I was about to drift into a well needed sleep the door slammed, and I didn't move or jump. I knew who it was; she always slams the door.
"Oh, sorry Scarlett; didn't mean to wake you." Her voice wasn't sympathetic but cold and hard. She was angry, but most likely over nothing. She had Intermittent Explosive Disorder; or to put it simply she was really pissed over nothing all the time. At least, that's how I see it. But then again, she doesn't understand my issues either (mostly Kennady). Without opening my eyes I answer her.
"Wasn't sleeping, so what happened?" She huffed and slumped onto her bed.
"Oh nothing, just...memories, and these god damn rules are really testing my nerves." I gave a sympathetic 'mmhm' and rolled up to sit on the side of my bed. I looked hard at the girl whom I shared my room with. Her face had a permanent scowl on it, her golden hair dangled long into her face, and her blue eyes faced the floor.
"Mmk, well, I have to go do things." She looked up and for a moment I thought I saw a pang of anxiety; but it was quickly replaced with her ever prominent scowl. I shrugged it off and opened the door to peer into the hall; empty.
Good, now, let's go to Charlotte's room.
Kennady always guided every little move I made, making sure I didn't mess too many things up. I knew I was breaking major rules, but I couldn't have cared less. I mean really, my planning is almost fool-proof.
Don't get to sure of yourself there Princess. You will get caught someday, just not today.
I nodded, like always, she was right. Who was I to question her complete authority? My steps were light on the carpet, careful to not step in any traps; noises that would give away my position, the notion that a child is out of her room; without escort. I tip-toed down the hall to room 441 and turned knob gently, as if it was a butterfly that I could crush. Slowly the soundless hinges opened and I saw my most trusted friend. One I had been with for most of my life, and ironically both our parents thought it necessary to send us here.
"Finally, I thought you'd never get here. You said you'd come right after class." I gave her an awkward smile and told her of the events that had happened. She nodded solemnly, she knew, she understood.