I have my friends.
I have Tiffani.
I have my family.
I have a house.
I have food.
But something is missing.
In me.
Missing.
Gone forever.
I lost it.
Somewhere.
It's gone.
When did it get lost?
Why did I lose it?
I lost it.
IWhen did this start?
What period in my life?
Eleven, when the cutting started?
Twelve, when the cutting stopped?
Thirteen, when my family lost our home?
By fourteen, I knew it was lost.
It was gone.
When did I lose it?
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
I lost it.
Lost the will to live.
Started wanting to die.
Started planning my death.
Where would my pets go?
How would my family take it?
Who would take care of my pets?
Of my rooster,
Who attacked everyone but me.
Of my cat,
Who demanded attention on her terms.
Of my turtle,
wyho followed me when I crossed his tank?
Who would be a friend to Tiffani?
Who would console her when I die?
Who would she have to turn to?
She saved my life once.
Saved me.
Saved my life.
One day,
Even she won't be able to stop me.
One day,
It will all ve too much.
I have my friends.
I have Tiffani.
I have my family.
I have a house.
I have food.
But something is missing.
I lost my will to live.
Tiffani will always be there.
Always.
Through fire and ice.
But even she can't stop me.
All I know,
All I'm sure of,
Is that at nearly fifteen,
I still haven't found it.
Maybe I never will.
Maybe it's gone forever.
Gone.