I opened my eyes. Not that it made much difference in the dark.
"Are you ready?" he said.
I turned to face him on the bed, his glowing form just as beautiful as ever and I was awe-struck as always. I nodded and he smiled.
He said it wouldn't hurt me, it was just a sign of how much we loved each other – he said he would do it if he had a body.
Keeping my eyes on him the whole time, I did it.
As the life poured from my wrists, I cried tears of happiness – we would finally be together at last.
The curtains were pulled back and my eyes burned.
I could see my mother had pasted on a shaky smile. My eyes closed, I wouldn't look at her. All she had done was make them give me bottles and bottles of horrible pills – dark brown beetle jars, holding ugly squirming insects that I had to swallow.
At home I used to hide them under my tongue and then throw them out of the window. Those insects could be free, even if I couldn't. But I didn't mind that much. Without them, he would stay with me.
But now I was in hospital.
He said I hadn't done it right. They'd found me and now I was stuck here. I was worried he thought that I didn't love him enough to commit to it. He hadn't spoken to me since then and I felt like I was going crazy without him.
"H-how are you feeling today, sweetheart?" She sniffed.
I turned away from her – I didn't want to see her crying. She wasn't the one that was in here, forced to swallow insects and wait for him to come back.
She swallowed, a loud, choking noise.
"The, um, the doctor...He said you're doing much better with the tablets now. They've given you some new ones, did they tell you?"
What did it matter to be what type of insect I was swallowing – they were all insects.
"You look better. Better than..."
She trailed off and I could imagine her looking at the ground, trying to find the words on the floor.
I wished he was here, he'd tell me what to do now. How to get out of here.
"Right, I'm going to just go and speak to the doctor again then. You...You get some rest, sweetheart."
I heard her walk slowly to my side of the bed and then she kissed me on the forehead.
"I'll be back later."