Silent tears…

Silent giggles…

No one hears me.

No one shares

This feeling I feel.

What? They ask.

I can't tell.

I can't tell… because I don't know myself.

Awkward stutters…

Socially inept…

That's what I am outside my quiet room.

Ceaseless talk…

Bubbly girl…

That's what I am inside my quiet room.

"Dry eyes

Steady voice.

She's just a statue with no feelings."

Shivering hands

Masked words.

Crying makes me weak.



She has an ego of her own."



I'm not heartless like them.



She's got a heart of stone."



That pain inside for you.

You think I don't know.

Don't understand.

But I do.

Oh, I know everything.

I know what you go through.

I put myself in your shoes

To know you. To help you.

Will you do the same for me?

You think I don't see.

See the bad side of life.

That it's butterflies and ponies

Because I always smile.

But can you tell?

The difference

Between the real and fake?

No. You can't tell.

Because I always smile.

I smile for you.

I smile to tell you that there's always hope.

You have your worries.

No need to trouble you with mine.

Everyone has troubles.

I have mine.

Running away doesn't help.

So I stand firm.

But they won't come.

They hide in their masks

And haunt me to see for myself.

So I chase them.

Yes. I chase my troubles.

I catch them one at a time.

Every time I do, they split.

They split into multiple little strands.

Until I'm left

Stranded in a lie

Wondering if truth exists.

I stare blankly at a wall.

You wonder if I'm existing at all.

"A lost soul.

An empty mind.

Pay attention."

Swirling thoughts

Endless doubt.

Your weather always changes.

But mine…

It's always a tornado inside.

I dig.

I dig through my soul.

Every second. Every minute.

I need to know

The truth of life.

I need to know

What's right and what's wrong.

I need to know

Why I'm the only one questioning this all

I escape

From this confusion

By dreaming

Of a new world

Every day.

A world where I can be


I can be

That bubbly girl

Who only has

Rainbows and flowers

In her life.

But once in a while,

A knock on the door

Comes to tell me

You can't live in dreamland.

Why? I ask.

Desperate to escape.

Escape a world where

Money is life

And technology

Gives you life.

A corrupt world

Where death shows more hope

For a little girl like me.



I don't want to question anything.



This confusion will be the end of me.

I know.

I'm late.

I should've known.

Questioning will only make it harder.

I've tried.

You don't know

How many times I've tried

To change

To conform

To shape myself

Into something I'm not.

But in the end

I realized.

This is not a curse.

It's a gift.

It hurts.

Of course it hurts

To be different

Can hurt.

But I learned to appreciate

Even the pain.

This fear

This confusion

This lost


Ambiguous feeling

Will subside.

If I fight.

Fight to know what's right.

Then fight to make things right.