76I go downstairs and find them seated around the kitchen table. Open takeout containers litter the scratched surface. I see Hawk wolfing down a huge piece of apple pie, while Georgia picks at her tiramisu next to him. Beside her, Tanner is halfway through a substantial hamburger. An old radio by the stove is set to a country music station. The scene is heartbreakingly domestic and normal; just a couple of werewolves and a witch shooting the breeze.
"Hey, Em," greets Hawk. He pushes a container across the table. "We were just asking Tanner why you haven't fixed his face."
"I, uh - "
Tanner, who's changed into cargo shorts and a white t-shirt, munches a French fry and lies smoothly,"I pissed her off on the way here. Guess I'll just have to heal the good ol' fashioned way."
"Sucks for you," murmurs Georgia. She taps her plastic fork against her dessert and looks at me knowingly. "You guys should stick around. Save us a ton on trips to the hospital."
No one speaks for a few heavy seconds. I'm concentrating on my gooey cheeseburger, keeping my eyes down. Before I can say anything at all, Hawk pulls two plane tickets from the inside pocket of his lightweight jacket. "No can do," he remarks. "Our flight leaves tonight. If everything is on time, we'll be back in Vancouver just after midnight." He finishes one last morsel of pie and leans back comfortably in his chair. "Your mom and dad can't wait to see you," he says to me. "The rest of the coven, too."
"I've missed everyone a lot, too," I say to him quietly. "It'll be nice to go home."
Tanner abruptly leaves the table without a word. He slams the front door so hard the whole house seems to shake.
I begin to get up to go after him, but Georgia puts her hand on my arm. "I'll go."
She stands and hesitates for a moment before stating plainly, "He loves you, you know."
As soon as she's gone, I drop my head into my hands and groan. "Dammit, Hawk! What the hell do I do?"
"You get on that plane with me."
"It's not that easy."
"Yeah, actually, it is. You need to look at the big picture here, Emrys. What's in this town for you? A guy that you hardly know. That's it. There's no way you'll be accepted around here, especially since you associate with those two." Hawk is being harsh but I don't stop him. I need to hear what he's saying, no matter how much it hurts. "In the city, you have a job, your own apartment, not to mention friends and family – the coven. A life. A future."
"I know, I know. I need to snap out of it," I mutter into my hands.
Hawk cleans up around me, gathering the wrappers, squeezed packets of ketchup and used napkins. As he takes my empty water bottle he adds, "It would be a hell of a lot easier for you to leave if you hadn't slept with the guy. Just saying."
I raise my head to glare at him. "Shut up."
He shrugs and dumps the trash into the can under the sink. By unspoken agreement we go to the front porch, but find only Georgia sitting outside. Tanner is in his truck and halfway out of the driveway already. As he peels out, I ask Georgia where he's headed.
She stares after the truck. "He's going to pick up our stuff from – from the compound. He called one of the SAU people and they agreed to let him in." She digs a worn package of cigarettes from the depths of her purse. "Either of you have a light?"
I shake my head. Hawk hands her his lighter from his back pocket. I watch her light up and take a shaky puff. "Don't tell Tanner," she says, almost smiling. "He thinks I quit ages ago."
"Can I have one?" I blurt out. I haven't smoked in a million years and Hawk arches a surprised eyebrow. I ignore him and use his cheap Bic to light my own. Leaning against the nearby post I close my eyes and wait for the nicotine to settle my frayed nerves. The burning sensation suddenly reminds me of the first time I tried a cigarette and I laugh a little.
"What?" asks Georgia.
"One of Matthew's friends let me try his smoke when I was thirteen. I thought I was so cool."
"Who's Matthew?"
"My dead brother," I tell her. "He's the reason why I'm here. Had to take his place to fulfill the contract he signed to help out your pack."
"Do you miss him?"
Closing my eyes I reply, "Not even a little bit."
Soon after, we bid Georgia goodbye. She programs our numbers into her phone and we both tell her to call us if she ever needs us. Hugging the teenager I pray the Goddess takes care of her; she's going to need all the light and love she can get in the coming weeks as she adjusts to her new life. She's strong, though. Stronger than she thinks. I can see it in her eyes.
Hawk and I walk back to the inn under the cloudy sky. "Why did you really bring your athame with you this morning?"
"I wanted to see what would happen. I also wanted to get more info."
"Info about what?"
"The SAU in general, I guess. And, well… the only reason they didn't arrest me is because I cut a deal. If they're ever in our neck of the woods, I told them I'd help them out."
I'm not sure how I feel about this. "So, what, you agreed to be an informant or something? What happened to going back to our normal lives?"
"That's still the plan. But I figure the SAU makes a better friend than enemy."
"Whatever you say."
It doesn't take long for Hawk and I to pack up our meager belongings. Our suitcases and magickal tools are stacked haphazardly against the wall. I watch Hawk, who has been asleep on the nearby bed for the past hour. One of the Die Hard movies plays on the TV but I am not paying attention. It's almost 4pm and I'll be waking him up soon so we can leave for the airport and head home.
Home.
I scrawl Hawk a quick note and place it on the dresser where he will see it if he wakes up before I get back. I let myself out of the room quietly and go outside. I take my time walking down main street, steering clear of the courthouse. I pass the hardware store where I'd found the ingredients for those awful witch bottles and cringe, thinking of bombs and shrapnel and Willem's sadistic smile.
A few streets away I spot a tidy fenced park. I find a bench far from the children's play equipment shaded by a copse of towering trees. Leaning my head back I close my eyes and breathe in the smell of freshly mown grass and a faraway scent of roses.
Less than ten minutes pass before I hear footfalls. When I open my eyes I feel a sweet calm come over me. My heartbeat still picks up when I meet Tanner's gaze though. "Hi."
"Hi," he echoes, sitting beside me. Taking his hand I trace the Mark with my fingers, over and over, until it disappears. He stares down at his palm. "Huh. I was actually kind of getting used to that thing."
Angling myself to face him, I start, "Tanner, I -"
"Stay, Emrys. I feel like a damn fool saying this, but please, just – stay."
I can tell it has taken a massive amount of strength for him to say those words.
"I can't. I don't belong here, Tanner. You and Georgia need to focus on healing, and I'll only get in the way of that."
"Fuck healing," he says angrily. "I need you to stay."
"Stop it!" I jump to my feet and the calm I'd felt mere moments ago is gone. "Us – whatever this is between us – is not going to work out. It just isn't! Can we please end this on a good note? As friends?"
"Friends." Tanner says the word bitterly, like it tastes poisonous and painful. He stands as well but keeps his distance.
I want to touch him, to hug him, to kiss him – but I don't. I don't know what I would do if he pushed me away. Instead, I shove my hands in my pockets and bury myself a little more. "Yeah. What's so wrong with that?"
"I could never just be friends with you." His voice is a low growl and I can't stop the images of our entwined bodies from flashing through my brain.
"This isn't how I wanted to say goodbye, Tanner. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that's happened since I set foot in Starling." I feel the tears coming but I refuse to cry in front of him.
Choking back a sob, I turn and walk away. I think of a million things I want to tell Tanner; above all I want to tell him that in another time, another place, I would stay.
The Starling pack is forever changed, and so am I.
I hear the rumbling thunder of a summer storm approaching and I find myself praying for rain.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I began this journey with Emrys 2 years ago and as a rough draft, I like this story a lot. I'm happy with it even though I'm itching to add and subtract so many things... but for now, I'm happy I've told her story. Thank you to old and new readers alike, and to all you lurkers out there, make my day and review! :)