Hey :) This is something I wrote during the summer break, I finished it when I came home... I hope you like it! enjoy !
Open up, she would say a playful gust to er soft voice. She would giggle lightly as the effect of the alcohol that swam through her veins came. And her cheeks would hold a faint blush. Be happy for once in your life and accept him! She yelled and giggled at the same time. She'd let her fist connect with my arm lightly, as if to show me that she was just joking but that she meant it. I had nodded, and closed my eyes. Was I the one to open up and accept him, wasn't that her job? Didn't she know?
I'm just so annoyed right now, I want to go home, my voice had whispered harshly at her. I had told her to listen for once in her life. To see that not everything was as she pictured it. That being someone could be easy for her but hard for others. She had done the same as always and left me alone.
But I never expected her to never come back to nag me, to annoy me and to tell me things I already knew. I was broken and she was perfect. He knew it and I knew it. Yet somehow it was me he chose to take home that night, it was me he made a cup of hot chocolate to. And it was me he watched a movie with while the dark rings under my eyes darkened just a bit. My eyes were dry as sand in the desert, but they held the remorse and the pain I felt in storage.
Why didn't you ever give me a chance? He suddenly asked one day, a year after she had gone away and a year after he ahd become my savior. Back then his question had confused me. I loved him, but I was not taking him from the luck. He could find so many other girls out there that would deserve him, I was just the one who fucked things up. I was the one the town hated. Tried to throw out even.
Why would I? I had asked and he had blinked once closing his eyes for a period of time as if he was trying to tame something inside him. It was so clear for me, why I would never give him a chance. He wouldn't want it.
That day I did it.
"So you don't think I'm good enough for you?" he managed to ask silently into the air as his eyes traced the delusive signs of the faint wind that blew before us. I had never ever thought less of him, he would always be on top. He had the place people thought I had, he had dignity and faith. "I don't think that," I said looking intently at the few dead leaves that played with my shoes. The autumn brought with it both death and beauty and the coldness that invaded the country made goose bumps form on my white skin. If people were to connect our lives with the seasons they would start with the spring. Because during the spring the world grow into something. it changes and life is born around us after a cold winter. That's our time in our mothers womb, the time we develop from nothing to something. After spring comes summer, the time after birth. the flowers grow higher and the weather is better. and then there is autumn, the one time where we have reached the start of death. Leaves fall off tree's flowers rot and the grass turns brown and yellow. then just as the winter begins and there are no more flowers left and no more life everything disappears. We are left with an empty grief in a time where everything just sinks and gets freezing. That's life in so many people's eyes.
I don't like the way people think, but it is real. I know that the truth lies there in their minds. I still love autumn and I still love winter, just as much as before. So that's okay.
"Yes... yes you do." I heard the hard statement in my ear and knew that it was time. Time to answer.
"Milo, you have to open up your eyes soon, because I can't keep em close anymore, I just don't have the strength to do that," I whispered desperately trying to make him understand me. I had a warm red scarf wrapped around my neck and my body was covered in a huge jacket, yet I felt the coldness invade me. "I've already opened them and you don't want me," he simply said and I couldn't shake the feeling that if I didn't make a bigger effort right in that very moment that I would never see him again like I did. "Why would you like a chance from me Milo? I am no good, I don't want to take you away from yourself, I don't want to consume you and destroy who you are! I can love you all I want and you can believe that you love me as much... but you don't. And the chance you asked me for is nothing you want." I rambled on desperately trying to make him listen to the real words and not his delusional self. My head turned towards his and my eyes traced the beauty in him. The deep brown eyes that looked like they held the world in storage, the dark brown hair that held waves like the deep dark ocean, and the serious expression he always got whenever he relaxed his face. He almost looked angry or maybe just bothered. "I know what I want Rubs, and that's you." he whispered a new softness to his voice.
His hand moves slowly towards my face and I held it high, because he had done it. "You are not broken, not anymore... just ... let it go, please." he whispered again and his thump traced the pattern of my lips carefully. He must have noticed the trembles leaving them, how my face started to change only slightly and how the dark rings under my eyes finally started to lighten up. "Because I won't be anything else than me," he said louder and lead his thump higher, touching the small tears that leaked from my eyes.
And for the first time in so many years I didn't have dark circles under my eyes. For the first time since I made them close my eyes were leaking, I was crying. I was letting it go. Because I knew that there could be no life without him and no hope where he was not.
I moved towards him, letting my body connect with his. I followed his lips carefully with mine, examining the new feeling, making him see that I had loved him. And that I did love him. My arms went around him and he held on to me.
I was open.
I really hope you like it and I appreciate all reviews given :)