– Long Gone –
The girl I have once know is now gone.
Her image is none-existing.
No one will remember her.
No one will miss her.
Those are the words that go through her head.
Because she's done, she can't do this… life… anymore.
She's not a coward; don't mistake her for it either. She has tried. Time and time again she has tried to live.
She gave her time to her family. Tried to make something of herself. Tried to laugh every insult off and give everything that they wanted of her.
But she was never enough. The taunting was almost bearable, if not for the cruel words spoken to her over and over and over again. If not for the forgetfulness of her family and friends she might have tried at least once more.
But what would be the point. She tried to show them her affection only to be pushed roughly away, telling her that she was sickly sweet and needy.
Their forgetfulness was sometimes the worst kind of pain they would inflict on her. They would talk as if she wasn't even there, and even sometimes leave her because they wouldn't notice her absence.
She loved her family. So she would remove herself from their lives. She had no lover. No special someone. Not even friends because they had all moved away and forgotten that she was there… waiting for them… that she needed someone as well. But her friends never came. They had forgotten about her.
She smiled. Everything would still run smoothly, for that at least she was grateful.
Her funeral would be arranged by her attorney. She made a will and had everything set up.
Her family wouldn't be bothered until she was all but ashes spilled across the dessert floor.
For only the desert knew of her pain.
Her loneliness, her dry soul.
She had no life in her, much like the dessert.
She didn't leave sweet goodbyes. No letters of apologies for a breathing soul. Nothing. All she gave were her belongings. Not that she had many. She had more books than anything and those were going to the public library as donations.
She stepped into the water, feeling the wetness encompass her body. Getting one last joy out of her small life. Because that's what it was. A small life.
Maybe that's what she was meant to do all along.
Maybe that was her purpose, to die and make someone else live.
But she doubted that greatly.
She felt her mind going numb, her limbs slacking, her breath become shallow and she knew… she knew it was the end.
She said sorry to her mother. The only person who would have cared of her demise.
But she smiled, her brain conjuring a perfect image of her deceased mother. Her warm face smiling, eyes glowing with love and the girl couldn't help but sob.
And so she drowned.
The waves lapping her body softly, and that's how some young man found her. He thought he was imagining such a beautiful girl out at sea. But she was deathly pale when he saw her up close. Had he not done his residency in the city's morgue a few weeks prior, he would have surely panicked and thrown up on the spot. But he didn't. He called the cops and they took care of the rest.
The girl was Kelly Mensterney.
She was his age, twenty-five and beautiful. He got her information from the police and went to her place.
All he found was a stout man giving orders to some movers.
He talked to—what it turned out to be her attorney and what that man said caused his heart to clench.
"Such a young woman. Beautiful as well. But her eyes? They were bottomless. They told a story no one should ever hear much less bear. I don't usually carry out these kinds of things personally, but that girl left an impression on me. And I wanted everything she told me to be done as she said, so I came." The attorney, Mr. Williams was a very stern man, not very loveable and affectionate, but having that young woman come to his office one day and commit suicide two days after moved his very soul.
"I just don't know what to do with this," He motioned to the young man in front of him.
Josh—the young man, held the book in front of him and looked at Mr. Williams. He shrugged and nervously opened the book. It held handwriting.
A girl's handwriting.
Josh read a line and felt his eyes tear up.
"Dying will be the best thing I will ever do in my whole existence."
Mr. Williams saw Josh struggling to keep his composure and asked him if he wanted to keep it. Kelly didn't specify what to do with it in her will and if he gave it to charity they would throw it away.
Josh went home and read the life of Kelly Mensterney. He sobbed and threw the book countless numbers of times but he would always pick it up and read it again.
He didn't know how a family couldn't see the pain that resided within her. A total stranger said her eyes were filled with unimaginable pain. But her family had decided that ignoring her was the easiest route and in the end, they fated her to her own death.
Josh put down Kelly's journal and pulled at his hair.
He had broken his promise.
He had promised his own "Kelly" that he wouldn't leave her, but ultimately he had.
He failed her… and he had added to her pain without a second thought.
"No…" he moaned, pulling at his hair and rocking. Images of his youth, of a certain pain filled friend plagued his head and haunted him alongside Kelly's pale face.
He felt dead… just like Kelly.
Just like Emily.