Think about a merry night, about a pair of lilac eyes about sensual inviting lips, smooth pinkish fair skin, silky reddish hair and a pretty whispery voice think of all those times you spent, all those nights you slept, all the time you kept, think about that warm place, that wonderful taste, that luring smell about those feathery touches and the intense love filled gaze, the beautiful, magical, contagious, melodic laugh for its all you can do when you sigh, when you cry, those torn confusing memories printed in your mind, yet you know he doesn't know, he doesn't remember, not at all, maybe not even glimpses, not your features, not your laugh, not that passion flaring in your eyes, no, he isn't suppose to remember, it was what you wanted, what you know he wanted, you shake your head, clear your hazy thoughts. Nod. Change into you're grey sleeping gown, brush out your dark raven colored hair, glance into the mirror and see a pair of dark red eyes staring back. You frown. Turn away and open your large metal window, see the glittering midnight sky and its luminous queen. Close your eyes breathe in and out, in and out, in and out, all the while counting to 10. Turn and head to bed. Shivers sweat, and silent cries awaken you. You look at the bed illuminated by the moonlight streaming through your open window. Get up change, and move back to bed. You sigh and turn to your side your pure white pillow drenched in crimson red. An eerily feeling and tightening of your chest. You grab the pillow and throw it out the window, your face blank, your insides boiling. And for the billionth time since that day you ask yourself 'why not me?'