4Warning: There's a mention of rape in this chapter but with no graphic
Chapter 12: That night...
The week ended with no incidents or more surprises from me and I only exited my room when I was obliged, by Gabriel or Jarla, to eat lunch or dinner in the dinner hall with the pack members. I, of course, can easily refuse their insisting so I'll be able to just do what I want meaning staying in my room studying each part of my body and the transformations my inner self submitted. But I didn't want anyone to be troubled for nothing, I already caused enough stress in my first day.
To be truthful as much as I make myself hate my brother, the creature I became -not that I'm sure exactly what I should call myself even if I know absolutely what I'am- is one of those that cherish blood relationships besides puting their mate as an important being and when I embraced what I am, I also accepted this flaws.
So here I am, Sunday night, sitting beside my brother and eating dinner with some of the pack members.
"It's a shame I had to work today or I would totally drag you to the mall. We should always buy new wardrobe for new beginnings and tomorrow is your new day as a student in Urens high school." Sarah winked at me.
Sarah's a beautiful woman with a strong personality and unnaturally bright red hair. She looks really smart too that's way, I think, she choose to be a doctor and also, she's the friend of that woman who took care of me in the hospital. What was her name again? Probably not important if I don't remember it. She take it as a responsibility to mother me ever after we met and she, disgustingly, hugged me as a welcome the first time she saw me.
I hate to be touched, to be mothered and even more, I despise her name each time I hear it I remember my ex dead girlfriend.
"I really like your name," l said looking at my plat in fake sadness. "I had a girlfriend with who I was so, so in love that was named Sarah." I tried to not gag too much at the name, fortunately it came out like a sob. I never thought that playing with people's emotions is fun and by now I know I made her feel guilty for no apparent reason.
Everyone turned to look at the alpha when we heard a sudden growl coming from his chest.
"Is everything okay Jarla?" I asked innocently.
He coughed."Yes. I'm fine. Just something was stuck in my throat." I smiled at him and resumed eating. I really like hearing him talking to me. If I wasn't able to control the blood that rush trough my veins I would be burning red in my ears and four cheeks by now.
By now I know that the whole pack knew my background story. Secrets are hardly kept in a pack of wolves. So I try to make everyone uncomfortable or guilty as much as possible each time we meet for a meal be it by talking about my life with Gabriel and how I became lonely after he left or about my lovely ex girlfriend who I still can't forget about. No one should know that I hated her and besides it WAS my private life before that doctor, with no right, told it to them.
Sarah, my ex, was the first person I tried to know after I closed off on the world when I thought I lost my brother forever. She was older by a year and took care of me like how Gabriel used to and maybe that confused my emotion toward her. She was so popular and beautiful with dark tanned skin and naturally curled black hear and I really thought I was in love with her like she was with me. She liked to talk about our future as a married couple living with a cat or two in an upper middle class neighborhood somewhere with more trees around than people.
Sarah loved me more than it is considered normal and always assured me -I assume to not freak me out with her feelings- that one day when I'm more mature that I'll love her back in the same way or even more. I just needed time and then we will live eternity together. Like I said, so not normal.
She was so possessive of me and jealous of every friend I made, even more if they were a girl. Each passing day I felt more suffocated and less in love, that is if I was really IN love. When I had enough and asked to break up, she cried her eyes out making me feel guilty but never tried to do anything other than that.
Weeks after our break up, a girl was found unconscious with a broken nose in front of her house's front door and three other girls just transferred suddenly from our school in the middle of the year. The strange thing or what was unbelievable at the time is that I had a one night stand or at least I shared a kiss with all of them.
My old me felt upset about what happened to those girls and I had only my ex girlfriend to comfort me. From a hug and soothing words to kisses and intimate touches to us becoming a couple again. That bitch played her cards really good and got me in the end. Death was too merciful on the monster she was.
Not that I blame what she was, I just hate what she did. She couldn't control herself when it came to me. Her so called mate. But it wasn't an enough excuse to kill me when she thought she will not have me in lieu of defending me from her brother.
The biggest monster.
The truth is she didn't intend or even thought about killing me. Frankly, she wasn't thinking at that moment. Looking at your brother raping the love of your life and, well, doing the unforgivable will make you lose your senses and leave you to do the unforgivable too.
Logic, no? Not so much when you're the victim.
The pain. Losing your breath slowly and knowing that you'll surely die. Looking at the faces of your murderers and wishing helplessly that it wasn't your last image of the world, hoping that you'll became soon numb to the pain but knowing that only death will be your last resort.
In that time I couldn't think of anything. Not about how much I hate the people in front of me, how much I love my parents or how angry I was with my brother. Not about my past life or what was happening to me in that instance. I only cared about the pain and how I wanted selfishly an easy death if it will protect me from it.
And then everything became a welcomed darkness with no more suffering.
That is before "IT" woke me up.
Was I dead before that or was I merely sleeping, I don't know. I was only sure of one thing. Something important was stolen from me that night.
My soul.
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