Each second that pass by, is a distance between me and the peaceful life I made for my self after that day, two years ago when I lost my own name, and closer to a lockup that I fear will only set free the monsters in me.
It was already noun, and I'm an hour late but I just feel that's only fair. It make me satisfied to know that Gabriel is now waiting impatiently for me wishing that we're not late for our plane and that he doesn't even have my phone number will only make him on edge, struggling like a snake that just lost it head trying to stay calm. Like he's some important guy that is too important to be present in the funeral of his own parents, the same parents that cried shamelessly the day when they read the note that he left that explain that he run away.
I bet he didn't had the time to even cry.
I stopped in the middle of wherever I am now, looking at the sky and trying not to cry. I can't even blame it on First because he's sleeping right now. I just need to forget and it'll pass like everything else I forget, look how today is so sunny, thanks God I wear my sunglasses or my eyes will be hurting me, they became sensitive to the daylight after that accident.
At less if I can't control my tears I'll blame it on the sun.
I told all my past therapists and doctors that I don't remember that day but how can I not remember the day I died? Just before that day "I was an Angel" but in that day I lost the meaning of the name angel in both sense, my innocence and my name in the name of love. I was the victim of an unhealthy, stupid and maybe imaginary true love.
Do you know the story of the little prince of the angels who was kidnapped by the demons after killing his father the king? Well he was kept a prisoner to them for many years. Each day he was abused verbally, physically and sexually but even so he lived through it, he soul was so pure. The soul of the most beautiful angel that can exist. Then the day when should mature, he was sexually abused again and again. So many time that he lost the count.
Then he was leaved alone when his back was breaking in half. He screamed and screamed but at first everyone only laughed and watched him suffering. He was at the point where he either don't make it and die because he's too weak or make it and became one of the most powerful demons. But the little angel stayed alive, he survived the pain.
His back was opening and it was the time to give him the medicine to shut out the extreme and final part of the pain. No more pain. No one can survive they're last level before he freed his wings with more pain, but he could only scream again and again helplessly.
Everyone looked at their lord waiting for the order but it never came then the wings freed themselves and cleaned the blood from their master's body. Everyone gasped when the saw the color of the wings. It was the color of blood, hate and madness. The color of someone that lived the worst but survived. A color that made hell proud.
The color of a true demon.
And the little angel was no more an angel.
(AN: this is an original fiction that I read in French two years ago that I added somethings to it to fit my propose. Sorry I don't remember the name or the website.)
So does it matter if one day he had a pure soul?
Does it matter that one day I was named Angel?
At less the little angel after he survived the mature ceremony he lost he's memory and with it the pain he felt from the day his life changed.
Me? I still feel the pain like it's still fresh in my body. I will always have the scars even if they're not visible.
"Angel!" I heard my name being called from where my house is supposed to be.
"Angel! Oh God!" A young men called me again and began to jog toward me. And in a tight hug he crushed me.
"You look so tall and so cute, if it wasn't because you were walking toward this house, I wouldn't recognize you." When did I stopped looking at the sky and remembering things I shouldn't and moved my legs toward my home?
I was squeezed in this bear hug and I wanted to tell Gabriel you got the wrong address mister, I wonted him to believe that I'm not this named Angel but I'm far tired emotionally to try any excuse just to stay. I just wanted him to stop touching me, and all of a sudden it hit me hard. His smell is not that of a human. Oh God! Two and Three just woke up. 'You didn't tell us our brother is a werewolf.' They accused me. Oh my God! My own brother. The same one that I didn't met in almost three years and the same one with who I'll live this year and until my doctors think that I'm not suicidal freak that can lose it anytime even if I never tried to suicide before and can live on my own.
My brother suddenly stopped and began sniffing the air around me in a discrete way but I now what he's doing, he just met the most exotic smell in his life and I'm sure he can't even pin point if I'm human or not so he will shrug it as his non existent experience and think that if I don't have the smell of a were or a vamp then his baby brother is still his and toke me again in another hug, forgetting that we're almost late and that I didn't return the hug or talked as of yet. And that's the same thing that he did. Three is smiling because he think that I'm mastering my skills. The skill of what possibly others are thinking of doing.
"Oh God, I almost forget. We need to go. All your luggages are already token care of and I needed to call another cab because the first one just left after waiting for half an hour with me for you, but not without his money... impatient human" he murmured the last words quietly not thinking that I can hear far better that even a were or a vampire without even concentrating on it.
I sit in the back seats of the taxi with my brother trying to ignore his presence but I found my self, not only one time, looking sideways at him. He became handsome and more mature and his chocolate eyes had the wisdom of a 60 years old mother, like he lived and saw so many good and bad things in this life and he's only waiting for you to ask and he'll not stop talking about his so many adventures. He look so much like Dad when he was a young man, but he inherited his brown hair from mom while I have the dark blond look from dad.
"You'll love where I'm living, it's just that we're going to share the same bed in my room because we need to prepare your own room... you know everything was suddenly and we..." he had this far away look like he was thinking, probably about where he's living. "...didn't have time to prepare your room. But if you have a problem it'll be okay I'll sleep with one of the guys, we are like a big family there, you'll see. You'll love everything and everyone there." Yeah that's why he forget about his own family.
"Humph... Angel?" Finally and here I was thinking how much was he stupid, it toke him seven minutes to know that I still didn't talk to him. Maybe I need to reward his efforts.
I turned toward my big brother and toke off my sunglasses.
"What the f..."