You never knew it. But behind your back I did it. Behind your back, I thought it.

I once loved you.

Did you not notice? Not Sense? Everyday every night, I lay thinking only of you. The times we stood together, did you not hear the loud beat of my nervous heat?

I still remember. The day we met. Perfect, like a dream. The swing was my solace when I was alone and sad. You came up to me, saying exactly this:

"You look a little lonely. Can I join you?"

I nodded. From then on we sat like this everyday, talking about random stuff, sometimes sitting in silence.

We laughed together, played together, and cried together when your grandfather died. I would hold you in my arms, never wanting to let go. Wanting to hold you forever.

I didn't know it then, but I loved you. But I wasn't able to comprehend what these feelings meant then. We were only in elementary.

We were as close as we had ever been in middle school, yet also the farthest. You made new friends easy, being the sweet soul you were. But I didn't need anyone but you. I made no close friends.

Soon, I found myself alone on the swings. You smiled with your other friends. You were happy. I lied to myself and told myself that if you were happy, so was I.

After three years of being 'just a friend' we became close again at the end of middle school. We hung out more than we had when we were in elementary. You always told me everything. In your mind I was your best friend. In mine, you were my unrequited love.

Then the day came. You came to me, your smile shining. You told me then that you were in love, and they loved you back; sweet words turned sour to my ears. I smiled, cheered you on.

My heart lay broken, shattered like glass.

But I was glad. You came to me when you wanted to talk about them and you. You told me of your first kiss. First date. First time. I was ecstatic; but dead inside.

I tried to move on. But no one was as special as you. You were my first and only love.

Finally, High school ended. Our numbers traded, we promised to keep in touch. By then you had broken up with your lover.

I wanted to tell you everything. From the times my heart beat in nervousness around you, to all the times I've wanted to hold you.

I never did. I have not loved since.

It's my one biggest regret. I'm alone now. But I'm telling you now, in these words, what I felt.

You never knew it. But behind your back I did it. Behind your back, I thought it.

I once loved you…