172:17 AM (6 years ago)
Pitch darkness... All was eerily quiet as the world slept. The only break in the spell was a young couple out for an early moonlit stroll.
The old Pierce Bridge creaked from the weight of the two of us shifting stances, brains in mutual turmoil. The trees in the surrounding area seemed alive as they reached their long wispy branches towards the bridge. There was a chill in the air. The moon sat high and full in the night sky. The silent sob escaped my lips, immediately turning to steam. How ironic that a beautiful, romantic setting such as this would be turned into a mockery of sorts.
"Kerri, I'm so sorry."
Gathering what little shards of pride that I had left, I straightened my spine, palmed as much wetness from my face as possible and turned to look at the beautiful boy so set on ripping my heart to shreds. Had I only known better, I would have seen the tell-tale signs of someone torn; disheveled hair from raking his hands through it all day long, sagging posture as if the weight of the whole world lay on his broad shoulders, hollow eyes that held a deep blue longing for what he vowed could never be...
"Is that really all that you can think of to say? After everything?!" I flung out my arms to encompass the surrounding area as if the story of our history lay within the park. I could feel tears slipping over the edges of my eyes against my will, vision blurring. I folded my arms across my chest to try to shield myself from his unwavering gaze.
Goosebumps spread up my arms and along my body causing shivers to ripple down my spine, whether be it from the cold or the cold hard slap of his rejection, I couldn't really say. Without seemingly thinking, one long muscled arm shot out grabbing a firm hold of my elbow. We stayed rooted that way, my face a picture of weariness and heartbreak while his radiated shock and confusion. The heat from his hand radiated through me as an almost tangible awareness crackled between us. Before I knew what was happening, our bodies seemed to meet of their own accords and his lips were crashing into mine with a fierceness that should have scared me, but was more arousing than anything.
It was as if my whole brain shut down and I was on autopilot, my body mutinously gripping his shirt with both fists, holding on as if the bridge was on the verge of caving beneath us. Distantly I heard a moan, whether it was from myself or from the boy holding me, was unknown. One moment we were kissing as if our very lives depended on it and the next, I was roughly shoved away from him.
We were both panting heavily, looking anywhere but at each other. His voice came as a hoarse whisper as he broke the silence several beats later, looking at his now fisted hand in disdain.
"Fuck, I don't know what the hell that was, but it won't- can't happen again. I wasn't lying when I said it's over. I wasn't just saying that as a perversely sick joke. I mean it."
"So what, you're just going to chalk that up as being possessed? Dammit Jason," close to losing my mind, hands pulling at my hair in frustration, I added, "you cannot deny that we have something between us! I don't know what is wrong with you that you can't accept that, but if you'd just tell me, maybe I could help!"
"For fuck's sake, stop being so immature about this, I'm eighteen! You're only fifteen for crying out loud and I have my whole life still yet to live! I'm about to go off to college and I don't wanna be tied down to a high school chit obsessed with all things revolving around gossip and looking good, who doesn't even know the first thing that happens outside of her own little town in the actual real world."
Clenching his fist until his knuckles were white, nails digging painfully into his palm, he looked over my head towards the lake where we had once snuck our for our first secret rendezvous, what felt like, millennia ago.
Bile rose up in my throat. "Is that really how you see me? Some ditz who doesn't care about anything or anyone? Shit, Jason, I gave you my virginity! I know that I'm young and slow at picking up on things sometimes, but I thought that you saw me differently. We've even betrayed my brother over being together! Did that mean absolutely NOTHING?! Is that real enough for you?"
A shadow crossed over his face before a mask of steel quickly replaced it. "You certainly gave it away easily. How am I to know that you wouldn't give it away just as easily to the next hot guy to walk into your life?" He let loose a humorless chuckle while looking me up and down. "High school is a long period of time. I'm sure you'll spread your legs for another guy soon enough."
A loud crack resounded. "YOU BASTARD!" Color high in my cheeks, red clouding my vision and a stinging palm from the force of the slap, I glared up at the boy I had though I knew and came to love.
"I am NOT a whore."
With those famous last words, I ran the two miles home and cried myself to sleep. I didn't stop to think of the lone figure on the bridge, gripping the rail until a nasty crunch sounded. It didn't occur to me that he felt like his soul left his body as he released an agonizing howl into the darkness, sending sleeping crows angrily flying from their nests. It definitely didn't occur to me that he was just as broken and battered as I was.
When I would see him with my brother it was like he wasn't even there, like some alien had taken over control and stripped him of his happy-go-lucky persona. I tried with all of my might to ignore him whenever he was near and to ignore the bitter twist to my gut every time that he was in the same room as me. Thankfully I only had to deal with that twice as he avoided my house as much as possible until he went off to college that fall. It was a terrible ending to our little summer romance.
5:45 PM (5 and ½ years ago)
"So, how's college life?" I turned from staring out my window as Dominic, my older brother, walked in all tall and like he had just finished wrestling with... the unnamed.
He grinned mischievously, one hand tucked into his dark washed out jeans, the other rubbing the back of his muscled neck. His blue plaid shirt hung open and his dark brown hair was disheveled.
"Eh, you know us kids..." Shrugging, he came over to look out of the window as I was. Seeing nothing worthy of his interest, aside from an extremely old couple, one with a cane, walking along the sidewalk, he went to pacing. "... parties all night, drinking and wild sex."
"I noticed you left out the homework and school bit." I deadpanned.
He froze and looked at me horrified. "You mean, there's schooling involved in college?!"
"Hardy har har." I picked up my red flying monkey from my desk and chucked it at his head, only to have it fall short of its mark as he backed up, chuckling. I would never win in baseball.
"Dominic, good you're here! Kerri, Dom, do sit down. There's some bad news." My brother and I shared a weary look as my father stood in the arch of my doorway in his tailored business suit, always the look of perfection with no strand out of place, except for today...
"Do you know what this is about?" Dominic lent over to whisper in my ear. I shook my head in negation as we unenthusiastically made our way to my queen-sized bed and plopped down, eyes wide.
Dad walked over to my computer chair and rolled it over to my bed. Wiping a hand over his face in exhaustion, he took a seat and adjusted his glasses. Something was definitely off though. What should have been his usual perfected look, up close was definitely not. His white, usually starched shirt was wrinkled and his tie hung loose at his collar. To put it mildly, he looked like hell.
"As you know, your mother and I have had our disagreement as of late-"
"Because you cheated on her," Dominic cut in angrily. It wasn't a secret anymore that my dad did what a lot of rich businessmen like to do, sew their royal oats to all and sundry, waking up to different women daily, in a tussle of sheets after a night of wild old person sex. He just had to follow the home-wrecking trend and sleep with his female partner at the law firm he worked at almost 24/7. Now we all understood exactly why he worked so many hours. Needless to say, I never sat anywhere or touched any furniture in his office again. Ever. Cue nauseous shudder.
When my mother found out, she was devastated, as to be expected. Whether she suspected foul play or not, I couldn't imagine. (That was sarcasm by the way). A frail woman to begin with, she became anorexic all of a sudden and neither Dom nor I could figure out what the hell was wrong with her. Dad was obviously otherwise engaged and therefore didn't give a rat's ass. You could slowly see her jowls sinking in and her once beautiful hazel eyes, I got my green ones from dad, became too large for her high cheekbones. Her collarbone and ribs protruded as if she hadn't had a bite to eat in years.
I'm not quite sure how she found out. One minute our house was peaceful and then one night my father came home around two in the morning to have my mother's shrill voice screaming at him like a banshee. Dominic was lucky and was off at college when this all went down. I however, was rudely awakened by the sound of something shattering in the kitchen. When I rushed downstairs thinking that we were being robbed, I grabbed Dom's baseball bat along the way just in case, it was to see my dad's red face and my mother picking up another object, this one being her porcelain Precious Moment doll that dad had given her for their third anniversary, and flinging it at him. That was the night all peace ended in the house. I remember calling Dom an hour later in hysterics...
Ignoring Dom's outburst, dad continued, "nevertheless, it pains me to say that she is gone."
It was as if a giant typhoon came and crashed over Dom and myself. He went deathly pale and I felt hysterics coming on again.
"She is gone," dad continued, "but she left a note." He rubbed his eyes again beneath his glasses and pulled out a note from his pocked that he quickly unfolded and showed to us.
I can't stay here. I signed the papers. Take care of my kids~
Trisha
I read the letters I couldn't say how many times. The print began to mold together until I couldn't see anything on the page but blurred ink. Dominic let out a curse, tore the letter from my father's hands and shredded it.
"Just like that then?" The betrayal stung. What were we supposed to do now? All that we knew was forever changing.
"That's not all of the news," my dad cut in and hesitating, finished with, "Margery is moving in. We're getting married."
Dominic shot to his feet. "What the fuck? Mom's gone, what, a morning, and you fucking bring your whore in to live with us?" Rage glittered in Dom's eyes as he grabbed my looney tunes lamp from my nightstand and smashed it to pieces next to dad's chair. Dad flinched while I sat there watching it all unfold in slow motion. My family definitely has a thing for smashing things... too bad it was my favorite lamp this time. I'm curious what'll be next.
"Go to your room." His voice dripped venom as he stood slowly and with purpose from his chair.
"Fuck that, I'm out too. Go to your fucking room. What the hell?" He was laughing angrily as he left.
A week later...
"Where've you been? I miss you." I let out a little sniffle as I adjusted my cell phone with my shoulder while concentrating on not getting nail polish all over my bed sheets.
"I'm sorry kiddo. I didn't mean to leave you like that. I guess I kind of snapped. I'm at Jason's house though. I'll be staying with his family for awhile. They're a lot less dysfunctional and it's peaceful." There was a moment's pause, "have you heard from mom at all?"
Ah Jason. I couldn't even think about him right now. It'd been several months since that fateful night, but I still hurt like it happened yesterday. I kept repeating his words over and over trying to figure out what went wrong, and now Dom's staying with Jason's family.
"Same." I said sighing, "dad's wedding is next month."
I could feel the negative vibes that Dominic was definitely radiating through the phone. "Brilliant."
"Are you coming to it?" I asked hopefully. Shit, some of my 'darkest purple' polish went onto my comforter.
"For you, I will try to make an appearance. I miss you, brat." I paused in my scrambling for a tissue at the raw affection I heard in his voice.
"Hey!" I heard some mumbling on the other end. "Ker, I've gotta go. Talk to you later!"
"O-kay." A resounding beep was all that remained of the other line.
The wedding day...
Betrayal seemed to be the main theme of the year. I made a statement by wearing an all-black backless dress to the overdone wedding. (I wore the same one to my grandpa's funeral, may he rest in peace). Everything was fluffed up and out. It looked like a giant Easter bunny was shaved and mutilated along with some funky colored peacocks and other unknown wildlife. Black and greens, white and corals adorned the walls and tables, a live band was off singing near some random hanging lacy streamers and d the most obnoxious flower bouquets that I have ever seen were placed randomly throughout the place. There was absolutely no method to all of the madness. It was a complete and total circus, a mockery of weddings... It doesn't say much about the bride.
The ceremony was unnecessarily long and I may or may not have fallen asleep a few times. The priest/preacher, not sure what type of place we were in thanks to all of the fluff, spoke in a monotone and kept his nose in his Bible the whole time. My dad looked starched and happy. The bride, her short blonde bob and plastic self was wrapped up in some gaudy lemon colored wedding dress that made her look like a clown version of Barbie mixed with a hint of Chucky, in my eyes anyway. I was inviting the exorcist into my family. Oh. My. Gosh. The mortified groan escaped before I could stop it and, considering I was sitting next to my annoyingly snappish dragon of a grandmother, I received a hard elbow to my ribs. My life was slowly becoming a horror movie. Next, Jason was going to walk in and start a serial killing spree.
As the reception went underway, I kept sneaking glasses of bubbly champagne when no one was looking. I stole a couple more after seeing my brother arrive with his best friend forever, none other than Jason. Who, as it were, was definitely not on a serial killing spree, more's the pity. Maybe if he had been, everyone would be spared this disgusting excuse of a wedding.
My heart stopped at the drop-dead handsome figure standing before me. He wore black slacks and a dark blue button up shirt that brought out his blazing blue eyes. He got a haircut as well. The hair no longer fell over the tips of his ears, the part I loved the most. He knew I loved it though, which was probably why he cut it. He looked like a model from Abercrombie now, only with his shirt on. There was nothing more I wanted in that moment than to thread my arms around his neck and show him how much he was affecting me. He must have sensed my hungry perusal fro he glanced in my direction. Instead of coming over though, or even acknowledging me, he gave me the cut direct. He turned his back on me, pretending like he was grabbing a glass of champagne, which he literally had to do to make it not look so bad. Unfortunately for him, Dominic saw me and, clapping him on the back, dragged him along to say 'hi' to me champagne and all.
"Hey sis! Looking mighty Gothic there." He quirked his eyebrow at me while giving me a once over. "Jason, you remember my sister, right?"
A warm smile curved my lips just seeing my brother, however the minute that Jason was mentioned, I instantly froze, wondering if he was going to ignore me in front of my brother.
"Your bratty little sis? Of course. What's up K?" He gave me a little two-fingered wave, his face remaining stony.
Ouch. Who was this guy? He knew that I hated to be called K. It was almost worse than being ignored.
"Not much jackass, your stuck up self?" My reaction took him off guard for a moment, surprise flickering in his eyes momentarily. What do you expect?
"I'm great. Thanks." He turned away to look around before speaking again. "I see some hot ladies over there that demand my attention. Dom, K, see you later!"
Dominic looked over at a group of girls around my age, probably a little older and definitely sluttier in their deep cut dresses that barely covered their thighs. He let out a bark of laughter before waving and saying that he'd meet Jason over there in a little bit.
We were just sitting quietly joking at a table an hour or so later when I spotted Jason with one of the girls from earlier. He had her backed up against a wall, one hand positioned next to her head as the other trailed up her thigh. They certainly looked cozy. Bastards.
It was as if we never shared anything as beautiful as we had. Call me a romantic or whatever, but we had sex at a lake with the starlight above us and a blanket resting atop the grass below us. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear and told me that everything was going to be alright. He lied to me and now was- wait- was he kissing her?!
Dominic followed my gaze as I let out a disgusted snort. "Wow, kid moves fast. Isn't that our cousin, Janice?" He chuckled.
Everything made me want to puke after that. I felt bile rise and stay lodged in my throat. It was even worse when the bride and groom did their dancing and making out on the dance floor. I couldn't take anymore... and I was really getting sick. I finally stood up when I saw Jason's hand tracing circles along her wrist, same as he used to do with me, and then watched in horror as she walked her opposite hand up his thigh to his waist band.
"I'm going home. Don't... Feel... Good..." I covered my mouth as more bile rose to the fore and was focusing all of my willpower on not retching all over the room. The nauseating colors themselves did nothing to help matters. Shooting out of my chair, I barely managed to contain it as, it turns out, it was my cousin, Janice's hands snaking into his waistband. How did nobody see the x-rated shit going on right under their noses?!
"Are you okay, Kerri? You're looking a little green there.." Dominic came halfway out of his chair as if he was going to help until I shook my head for him to not bother.
I gave him a thumbs up and walked towards the dance floor where father and Margery were dancing and groping in front of all of their guests. I must have had too much champagne to drink. I tried to think back, but couldn't remember anything besides a glass constantly in my hands and chugging said glasses down in rapid successions.
The room started spinning. I had to stop and grab my dad's arm as he was trying to glide the both of them by. They stopped, albeit reluctantly, looking at me confused. No, there was no worry, as if I, being the daughter of the groom, wouldn't want to speak with said father, let alone be sick all over his fancy shoes.
"I'm leaving- I feel-" One moment I was trying to hold my stomach together and the next, the swirling colors, the acrid smell of Margery's perfume, Jason's face as he caressed Janice, all came together in a rush. All of the vomit I had stored in my throat as well as all of the food I previously ate that day, came flying out all over the two of them. It looked like a war zone, yet with chunks of food mixed in. Margery was caked in rancid mucus as well as my perfection-obsessed father. My new 'step mother' started shrieking in horror, my dad looking like he was about to toss up some chunks as well. All of the dancing stopped, along with the music, as couples and family stepped far away and did nothing but stare.
Dominic came running over to see what happened before he started barking out laughter as he took in the scene before him. My paled face was just the icing on the cake for him.
"Way to go, sis! The best way to kill a wedding buzz if I've ever seen one."
Horror-struck, I couldn't resist a glance in the direction of the main reason for my humiliation. Jason still stood with Janice, off towards the back of the room, looking on the scene highly amused at the spectacle I made of myself and my family. It was going to be a few years before I would see Jason again and forever before I lived that night down.