CHAPTER ONE

I'd like to start off by saying that I'm not gay. Not even close.

I have a boyfriend, actually. Well, sort of. We have more of an on and off relationship. Current status: off. Which would explain why I just woke up naked next to someone who isn't him.

That's what we do. We break up, we fuck other people, and then we get back together. It's our cycle. Annoying as fuck as it is, it works for us.

You're probably wondering what any of that has to do with me not being gay. Well, you see, the person lying next to me right now is not a guy. This person is actually a girl. A fucking girl. I don't know how the hell I ended up in bed with her, but I'm going to blame the alcohol because I don't remember a damn thing from last night. Aside from heated kisses, soft fingers, and muffled screams, that is.

Just thinking about it is making me uncomfortable; uncomfortable because I'm still turned on and I have no idea how that's even possible because I am not attracted to girls. Yeah, I find some girls pretty and all, but that doesn't mean I want to fuck them senseless.

The girl beside me, whose name I don't know (or possibly, just don't remember), is very pretty. She has caramel skin and long eyelashes and gorgeous honey brown hair. I can see why a lesbian or bisexual female would want to sleep with her, but why the fuck did I, a straight female, sleep with her? Again, I'm blaming the alcohol.

She stirs in her sleep and for a moment, I'm afraid she'll wake up, but she doesn't. She just rolls over onto her other side and continues to sleep. Only problem now is that I can see her long, slender legs sneaking out from under the satin sheets and an image flashes in my mind where all I see are those legs straddling me. The image - I'm assuming it's a memory - causes me to shiver and I'd love to blame it on the cold, but it's the middle of summer and we're in California and this room that I'm starting to recognize is most definitely not cold.

This is Daisy's room. That's why I recognize it. And she is going to kill me when she finds out I had sex in her room, which hopefully she won't because I have no idea how to explain why I was in bed with a girl last night. Even if I did know why, I'm not sure I'd want to explain. It's not that I'm a homophobe, because I'm not - it's just, rumors will be bound to start and I don't want them getting back to Tyler because he never knows anything about anyone I fuck - not that I fuck a lot of people or anything - when we're on the outs. I'd rather keep it that way because he can get just as jealous as me. It's for this girl's safety, really. It's not that he'd ever hit a girl, because he most definitely wouldn't, but he wouldn't mind scaring the living daylights out of her. That I'm sure of.

The girl stirs again and this time I can see her eyes opening. I'm tempted to run, but I have to stay, at least long enough to explain that this is never going to happen again. And maybe learn her name because I feel kind of like a slut for not knowing anything about this girl other than she's really pretty and has a nice body that I'm extremely envious of.

She looks at me when her eyes are about halfway open and I tense, pulling my half of the blanket closer to body as if it'll protect me. Not that I think I need protecting from her, but whatever.

Her eyes shoot open when she sees me and she instantly sits up, mimicking my action of pulling the blanket closer to her so it'll cover her up.

"I'm not gay," is the first thing I blurt and before she can say anything else, I add, "and this will never happen again. Ever. Okay?"

"You sure didn't say that last night," she murmurs and I pretend not to hear her, even though I can hear her perfectly, "but okay, never again. Sure you're not gay, though? Seemed like it last night."

I scoff. Well, isn't she a cocky one. Bitch. "I was drunk. I don't even remember anything." That's a lie. I remember some things, like those aforementioned muffled screams and soft fingers and slender legs straddling me. And now that I've heard her voice, I can hear it in my head, saying things like, 'is this how you want it?' and 'right there', and fuck, is it getting hotter in here or am I just crazy?

I have to be crazy because I'm not gay and I can't be turned on right now.

"Oh, so that's why you're still here?" I try to speak, but she cuts me off. "Well, like I told you last night, I'm Desirae. Friend of Daisy's brother. You know, your boyfriend's best friend? That's how we're all connected, which I also told you last night, but you're claiming you don't remember, so..."

I cut her off. "I'm not 'claiming' anything, Desirae," the name ignites something in me and I fight to suppress a shiver, "because I really don't remember." I'm such a liar, but she's pissing me off, so.

I don't remember everything, though, so, it's not a total lie.

"You can leave now." She's dismissing me? The nerve. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Not even Ryan. It'll be our little secret."

I roll my eyes. Gosh, she's such a bitch. Why did Tyler and I break up? It's his fault I fucked her. Asshole.

"Gee, thanks," I murmur sarcastically, intent on moving until I remember that I'm completely naked. "Mind looking away?"

"Why? It's not anything I haven't seen before." I blush. I should have seen that coming. "But fine, if you insist." She rolls her eyes before looking away from me. I stand up quickly, and I'm glad it's hot in here because if it weren't, I'd be freezing. Our clothes are strewn haphazardly on Daisy's bedroom floor and as I hurriedly grab mine and get dressed, more images pass through my mind of clothes being taken off and heated kisses, and I think maybe I'm remembering everything except for what happened before we made it to the bedroom.

- X -

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I snap once I reach the front door of my on-campus apartment and see Tyler leaning against it.

I don't mean to snap at him, but I don't think I can deal with him right now, especially if he's going to continue being an ass. We've been broken up now for two weeks. That's the longest we've been broken up since we started this stupid cycle about six months ago, and all he ever does when he sees me is glare at me or insult me. I just don't have the patience for it. Not now.

"I came here to apologize," he answers, crossing his arms over his chest. Well, I wasn't expecting that.

"You did?" I'm not used to him apologizing. I always apologize because I know if I don't, he won't, and maybe that's not fair, but that's just how it is.

"I fucked up, okay?" He's not the only one. "I let this fight go too far and I shouldn't have. I thought if I waited it out and let you calm down, you'd come back, because you always do, but a week went by and you still hadn't. I thought I was going to lose you." And waiting another week to apologize was going to make me stay? I don't get it. "I know I'm an idiot because I waited another week, but I just... the idea of you saying it was over for good kind of killed me, so I glared at you and insulted you because I'm a scared jackass who doesn't know how to say sorry."

I don't say anything. I don't know what to say. I can't think straight because I'm still thinking about Desirae and what we did. I don't feel guilty for sleeping with someone else because like I've said, that's what we do. I'm sure he's slept with a couple of women over the past two weeks, so why should I feel guilty?

"I haven't screwed anyone else, y'know? Not this time, because I know it doesn't help." Shit, is all I can think. Now, I feel guilty. And sick. "I don't care if you did," the hurt in his voice is enough for me to know he's lying; he cares, "but I don't want to do this anymore, Liss. If you take me back, it'll be all or nothing. There won't be anymore break ups. When we fight, we'll talk it out because we're adults now and that's what we're supposed to do, isn't it?" I wish he would shut up. This is too much. He's saying everything I've wanted him to say the entire time we've been together, but he's saying them now, after I've slept with someone else and he hasn't, and God, I fucked a girl and I think I liked it. "I love you, Liss."

I look at him then. I look into those soft blue eyes and I know he's sincere. He loves me and I love him, but I can't get those images out of my mind and I don't know why. All I know is that it's not right because I love Tyler and I shouldn't be thinking about brown eyes when he has blue eyes.

"I didn't sleep with anyone." I'm a liar. It's pathetic. I feel awful, though, because he didn't sleep with anyone and I did. I know it's wrong to keep this from him, but he's smiling for real now and he looks so cute and for a moment, I'm reminded of the boy I fell in love with nearly two years ago. "I love you, and I want to make us work."

He grins and leans in to kiss me, but I put a hand up. "Not yet, okay? I feel like death and my breath probably tastes like alcohol and morning breath. It's for your benefit, honest."

He simply grins again and kisses my cheek before taking my keys from me and leading me into my apartment. I need aspirin, coffee, and a shower, and maybe after all that, I'll forget all about last night and I'll stop feeling guilty and me and Tyler can just be the happy couple we used to be.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is simply an introduction chapter. The remaining chapters will be longer than this, just so you know. I have been wanting to write this for ages. I don't know how long I have had it saved (probably about a year or more), but I do know that I like the premise of it and I want to continue. I just feel more comfortable writing romance, which is weird because I hate romance so much. You'll learn more about Liss and Tyler's relationship next chapter, and no worries, Desirae will return.